Am I up to this?

[Janice]

Hi, I was a newbie at the beginning of May and achieved 42 days Af with this programme. Then foolishly I thought I could moderate and set mself some rules - no drinking alone, no drinking weekdays, red wine only, a maximum of 2/3 glasses Sat/Sun night. For a couple of weeks I stuck to the "plan" then I lost my dad. Since then, I have tried to get back on this "wagon". The best I have done since is 14 days or was it 10 - I don't know, can't remember. Every day I say this is it - I get the vitamins out, I have a healthy breakfast, some days I swim and prepare for a good day. Sometimes I get there and have a complete day AF, but mostly I give in. Thats where I am today. I have given in. Trouble is I think thats all I've got, my buddy - the glass of white. Then, I start to think, too deeply, and i get myself upset. I have got to put an end to this. Janice

[Guest]

Am I up to this?

Hi Janice,
Sorry you are currently feeling worn down in your endeavours to quit the booze. I can understand how difficult a time you`ve had with losing your dad........know how much you loved him, and always will. But you really need to start to focus some love and attention on yourself now.

It`s almost like the tables have turned here, because I remember when you were doing so well back in May, and I couldn`t even summon the guts to try to get off the starting block........I admired you so much back then and wondered to myself how you had managed to get those 42 AF days.......I was in awe of you........idea of quitting just totally escaped me back then.

Anyway, something just clicked and here sits this former "loser" with her 43 AF days.......no way will I throw this away........fought too hard to get here. But, let`s face facts here.........you didn`t just casually throw away your 42 days.......you lost your dad and everything went to the wall......totally understand how it happened that you returned to drinking.

I don`t mean to be in any way unkind, Janice, but drinking isn`t going to lessen your grief any, just as drink cannot solve any of the problems and sadnesses that befall us in life. It`s simply time for you to start over, Janice, with the same amount of conviction you had back in May.......it`s what you need, and what your dad would want.

It`s uncanny that you posted this today, when I`m on my 43rd day, so I have an idea. Why don`t you reclaim your 42 AF days and commit not to drink tonight and join me in this, OUR 43rd AF night.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[roxane]

Am I up to this?

Janice

with all you are feeling and going through, you still have not given up stopping. read your post. you are still talking of not drinking, you set yourself up to not drink. so you are having trouble following through, but you still want this. that is a good thing. it is hard (understatement!) but you still have the right attitude in amongst the turmoil.

take those 42 days as an affirmation of 'sobriety' and know that you can do this. if not today or tomorrow.

starlight, well chuffed you are on AF 43!

roxane

[beatle]

Am I up to this?

Janice, 42 days is great. Your morning attitude is great. You have only that giving-in each day obstacle to get over. Once you do one day AF, I'll bet you'll keep it up. So keep workng towards that first day. You've done better than most of us in the past, and everyone stumbles along the way. Take Starlight's challenge. What a great way to get back in the saddle.

[rustop61]

Am I up to this?

Janice, well done on the 42 AF days. That proves you can do it. I too had two six week AF spells last year. In the beginning I could not get me head around never having a drink again, never being able to enjoy a glass of wine with a meal. I went AF, tried to moderate, failed, went AF again, tried to moderate and failed. Originally the moderation aspect of this programme really appealed to me. However I am wary of taking the topa and I think without that moderation is not achievable for me. During the summer I set the 1st Sept as my start date when the kids went back to school. I am taking small steps, going for 30 AF days to start with, then another 30 days. End of October is my birthday and I will hopefully be 60 days then. Originally I promised myself a glass of wine with my meal that night but I'll wait and see how I feel. Same with Christmas. One day at a time thats all we can do, no use worrying about the future.

Rustop

[hart]

Am I up to this?

((((Janice))))

I'm with you hon. I had a good 34 days under my belt before I fell off. And I haven't made more than 2 days AF since. I don't even have the pressures you are experiencing hon, other than I did something stupid at work.....but that was just recently.


I notice you are not in chat much. I'm afraid the greiving is just something that one has to go thru. Do it right. Go thru the various stages to acceptance. You dad will always live in your memories. :l

[rothesaydrinker]

Am I up to this?

Janice..

I feel truly sorry for you. But hang in there... just keep trying... everyday is a new opportunity, and every day drinking is a wasted day.

Good Luck