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[treeman]

i've been away since nov. 06.......
working hard at my business and family......
trying to moderate with all the usual excuses to have more than planned....

i know that moderation won't work for me......i'm too easily influenced by others....
Now i need your influence....

depressed now because of all of the reflection....
may need to make new friends if they don't accept me and my sobriety....
my wife will be helpful but hopefully not too condescending......

so, now i'm back and this time i know that it's for real......
a lot of work ahead for me....

[tawnyfrog]

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Nice to see you back, Treeman. Stick around and get involved. A lot of people are having great success. It can be most infectious.

[Guest]

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Welcome back treeman.

Tried and failed at the moderation game, so decided AF was the only way for me to go. Am sober just over 6 wks. and rather comfortable with not drinking now. I won`t pretend it`s easy, `cos it`s not, and like you say, you`ll have your work cut out for you.......I can only say the struggle to reach sobriety is so very worth it.

Glad you have your wife`s support, as you have all of ours.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[jane jane]

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If I hadn't lapsed yesterday and had that almost-4-glasses of wine (okay, the whole FIFTH minus a few ounces) I'd be on Day 50. Starting all over feels so dispiriting; I wish I could go to sleep and wake up 3 months sober. But you and I have the same job ahead, Treeman, and keeping our families is worth it all, however hard.

Starlight, you inspire me. I've enjoyed reading your posts.

[treeman]

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posting is hard to do today...
sat down with my wife last night to discuss my bad behavior and my plan to get my poo together...
she said that she wants a separation....10 yrs of marriage...
she said that it wasn't my "controlled binge drinking"...she just "needs to see if our marriage itself is right for her"...
i was stunned...
we have a 7 yr old son
don't know what is going to happen...who is moving out and where.....

i love her and my son very much...my world revolves around them....i don't have a supportive family anywhere else....

i guess this is the bottom of the barrel....
very depressed but I AM NOT DRINKING.....

[Guest]

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Sorry to hear things are not so good treeman, but you`re not drinking, and that`s the best thing you could do under the circumstances.
A marriage suffers terribly when one of the couple is a heavy drinker........your wife has obviously been through a lot, which has taken its toll on her.
Don`t despair, even if a trial separation does ensue........just plod along and let her see you keeping focussed and staying sober every day. I know she`s saying her wanting a trial separation isn`t really due to the drink, but many problems in marriage are created by excessive drinking. I think once your wife sees that you`ve changed, she`ll recall all the reasons why she married you.
Many people come to M.W.O. on the brink of losing those dear to them.........fight for your wife and son by staying sober and never looking back.

I wish you love and strength to get through this trying time,

Starlight Impress x

[treeman]

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still have not had a drink.....starting day 3
i don't think that i could be anymore depressed (see previous posts)
need some support from somewhere...my best friend won't be back in town til fri.....called him last night - he was as stunned as i......

[Janice]

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Treeman, please be strong and try not to drink my friend. You need to have a clear head to deal with all your emotions at the moment. I know, I've just lost my dad recently and ended up drinking every day after a good period of sobriety. I just could not cope with how I was feeling yet the drink didn't help, it made me feel so much worse than I already was. I just felt like, what's the point and wanted to give in. Drinking makes everything seem so much worse than it actually is or should I say, it affects how we cope with these things that life throws at us.

Your best friend is not back till Friday, but you have this site and the people on here. Be positive about the fact that you are now on day 3 and build on this - take each day at a time, get something to eat and try and get some exercise even if its only a walk. You have got to start and get yourself well (vitamins, supps, meds???) and strong, and you will amazed at how you will cope with whatever the future holds for you.

Janicexxx

[Guest]

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You have given yourself a hard shake treeman, as you being on your 3rd day without a drink shows. You`ll find enormous support here........make good use of it. Also, use the Chat........since we`re in all different time zones, there is always someone around to lend you an ear........there`s no need for you to be so alone.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[meditation mama]

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Treeman, I am so sorry to hear about your recent events. You are definately not alone. There are many people on these board going through the same things you are, even some that are going through separations and divorce and staying sober. So, stay very close to us here now and post a lot, read a lot, chat a lot and know that we really, really do care about you! If you are feeling down, or it's hard just SHOUT OUT!

Namaste,

MM

[Beaches]

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Treeman welcome back and so sorry to hear about your marriage. This is a perfect time to be here and get the support from people here who will listen to and support you.
You are doing great with your AF days so far considering what you are going through, many could not be as strong however many you will find here can be.
Please take care and keep talking.

[PinkLady]

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Treeman -

As I said last night in Chat, so sorry to hear your news, but be so very proud of how you are handling it!! If you continued to drink now, it would only make matters worse. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so hopefully you will find that out soon and you will be able to turn this into a positive. (You already are doing some of that by being 3 days AF. Way to go!!)

I wish you the best! Join us in Chat again tonight! )

Hugs,
PL

[treeman]

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nice chatting pink...

updating my situation

found a place to stay...carriage house at a friend...just happens to be my wife's gyno.....
spoke with dr. gyno...she was stunned....she will call my wife on fri....she says that she has seen women do this often at the point in their marriage when things are finally settled financially and there isn't any other turmoil....
my drinking never outwardly effected our marriage. i was good at hiding it, drinking late at night, etc....
inwardly i feel that my drinking was a factor....it was something that i was holding back from the relationship...something that i was hiding...

will sleep away from home for 2 weeks...then i will go back home and see what is going on.....
after consultation with a gyno..lol.....i need to dig in my heels and make a stand for my house and son...."don't allow her pathology to influence you"..
if she doesn't know why she isn't happy; she needs the time and space....my son and i are happy with the home that we've established....

OH, YEAH...........3 days af
last night gyno says that i look like i need a drink....i said that is the last thing that i need...i have always used alcohol to cure my depression in the past.....after reading things on this site i realized what a douchebag i WAS.....

anyways, thanks for all the support....this has been an eye-opening experience for me....my mid-life awakening.....

:thanks:

[Guest]

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Good to hear you sounding more upbeat, treeman.
Think what you say is very true, and sometimes there can be more of a problem in a marriage than the drink.......the drink has such a knock-on effect in all areas of any relationship. Think you taking a wee breather away will do you both the world of good....time for both of you to really consider what you want out of the marriage and work on what each of you could be doing better.
When you return, you really have to talk things through and leave no stone unturned in the hope of saving your marriage. There`s your son to be considered in all of this too........don`t give up without a fight for you and he both.

Wishing you well,

Starlight Impress x

[look]

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hey treeman , i know where your at , i've got 27+ yrs 3 sons and i believe the seperation thing is o k .plan it w/wife, take a break,get yourself together.we split for 3or4 days yuk!! but it might help your self .i don't think there's anything more lonesome than not having your family around.it's an eye opener!!.n hpoe you can fix this.but you have to fix yourself ,take some lumps,and carry on .best wishes for you,your in my prayers, steve