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    #1

    Terrified of AA need help please!!

    Hello my name is Jen and I've been to 3 AA meetings. At first it seemed ok, but then ugh..yesterday things became strange. One of the girls took my number and she has been calling me to come to meetings. My sponsor is hardcore and is scaring me. They are almost cultish. Someone from another sight I go to for support posted the link to this program and I am VERY interested. However, right now I'm scared of these people how do I get them to leave me alone if I decide to stop AA and try this?
    Thank you!
    Jen
    Sobriety is like my avatar. It was always right there in front of me but I couldn't see it!
    Tags: None
    #2
    Terrified of AA need help please!!

    STAY AWAY!!!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!

    just try saying NO and if that doesn't work, just ring the cops. seriously. They are not allowed to do this, either legally nor is it endorsed by the organisation. You could ring the AA head office too.
    It always seems impossible until it's done....

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      #3
      Terrified of AA need help please!!

      I'm sure AA is a great organization but I got the same vibe from some folks when I went. One woman kept trying to get me to go to church with her even though I told her I am not religious. She insisted on saving me. I actually came home from the meeting and got drunk. Good luck to you. Its tough.

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        #4
        Terrified of AA need help please!!

        I like to try to be neutral on the subject, but oh, hell--- it IS a cult and it IS religious, so tuck your little tail in and run (did I really say that?). No, really, what I meant was, ask Lucky-- she'll give you the lowdown.
        Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

        Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

        Comment

          #5
          Terrified of AA need help please!!

          Jen - oh help... I know. I felt it too. Don't panic. Honest. I felt like if I even had a spoonful of cough medicine I was going to kill one of them through my' misdemeanors'.... I didn't like it at all and it nearly started me drinking again!

          But, I began to just sit at the back (I hadn't found MWO then) and say nothing. I contemplated lying about having a sponsor but didn't want to do that. I just fended off anyone pushing themselves on me to get one but then ranted and raved and cried and Googled and checked out and fretted at home after meetings ... It just didn't seem right for me.... very cultish. I wanted help but.... All that 'in' and 'out' stuff and have they got a life? I'm getting sober to live life not live meetings! I can drop in here whenever and nobody holds me responsible (I hope!??!) for their sobriety but in AA it felt very like that...I know that works for some and that's great but not me...scare tactics = drink to me!

          The thing is that their 'cultism' is actually what saved me in the end I think....I still see some folk and drop by a small local meeting occasionally because there are a few really kind folk there...but because they are cultish and I'm not playing they have very quickly left me alone. They're polite and kind but I think they think I am a lost cause (you know, the old 'she's gone back out there' presumption) but I can tell they're a bit confused!! I'm clearly looking so much better - but without a sponsor...????! I haven't mentioned here...shame but I am NOT going to let anyone tell me this isn't anything but fantastic! (And they're soooh singleminded!) So they don't know how I've done it and I just smile to myself inside and it doesn't touch me now.

          It makes me sad that they have good hearts but play on folks early vulnerability out of over-keenness... So many have lived because of them but I still wonder how many have been put off and not... I am lucky that down here the meetings only have 10-30 people there so it's small enough to hear folk who aren't so zealous. But the one's who are...oh boy! I was really frightened by one guy who wouldn't leave me alone...I HAD to ring everyday at 6pm. Not 6.01 or 5.59...WOT?!?!?!! (I didn't and fortunately he realised he was being OTT and backed off.)

          I met some wonderful people and heard some amazing things in my early days for which I shall always be grateful (and they never pushed it on anyone you could tell) but I look back after reading your post and thank God/Dog/my lucky stars that I was able to stay sober under that pressure. I remember now just how desperate I felt back then after a meeting! (Ironic or what!)

          Now I feel good, growing in confidence, lovable, well, unlabelled (unless I choose to label me), that I have a choice and, well, tonight I dropped by to tell them I wouldn't be coming any more coz I had joined a choir that rehearses on Mondays...(I was on my way there). They were fine but I didn't mind how they were. Sad if anyone didn't like it but I know it would have been their stuff. I couldn't have done that 3 months ago... and it shouldn't be like that I don't think.

          So, stand your ground. If you have to ring head office, do it and I hope you don't have to resort to the police but you deserve your space and you must keep hold of your choice. Just block their number from your phone or ask them to leave you alone for a few days...gradually they'll get the hint (I hope!). They did with me...

          Good luck to you - sorry to rant on. Didn't mean this reply to be soooo long!

          I hope you get as much as I have from this great place - MWO. AA or whatever, you can do this sober thing. You can and I hope we can travel alongside you gently and flexibly...

          Love
          FMF xx
          (106 days)(!)
          :heart: c: :heart:
          "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

          Comment

            #6
            Terrified of AA need help please!!

            I attend 2 to 3 meetings a week. I keep to myself. Ofcourse I have to introduce myself, but other than that, I stay guarded. When the meeting is over I leave immediately. Sure people come up to me and are friendly, but I can be blunt. I'm polite, blunt and then move on. I don't have a sponsor yet and am not sure if I want one. I've been AF 70 days now. I know if I am to ask anyone if they would like to be my sponsor, they'll stick to me like glue. As for phoning people, I don't do that either. I hate the phone. Rarely do I pick it up when it rings, and I certainly don't call anyone out of the blue. You can learn a lot in AA and relate to many of the stories you hear. Attending AA and hearing the stories keeps me in check. I don't want to relapse and have found AA to help me in preventing this.
            September 23, 2011

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              #7
              Terrified of AA need help please!!

              Just wanted to say, I hope I haven't offended anyone with my AA rant.... I do get lots from some of the people/stories there but I remember my early days of being sober with a shudder. I am amazed that I didn't drink after meetings!!

              I think that we all need different things and as long as we can get to the place of healthy choice... but yes, I've seen people who would be dead but for AA...except what if they'd known about MWO???

              Thanks everyone here for getting me to 106 days!!

              F x
              :heart: c: :heart:
              "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

              Comment

                #8
                Terrified of AA need help please!!

                That was interesting Reenie. You have found a way to take the good and leave the bad. I respect you for that and feel a little sheepish for my rash words. I know AA has helped many people, some of them very close to me.

                However, I believe it is good for people to be well aware (and wary) of the way AA works. Also, it might help to remember that there are no stastistics about the success rate of AA (they don't do that, of course), and the only thing that keeps AA in its all-powerful, monopolistic position in the alcohol rehabilitation world is just that-- power and monopoly. Someday it will be exposed and alcoholics the world over can look forward to better and more lasting treatment as a result.
                Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                Comment

                  #9
                  Terrified of AA need help please!!

                  i read the orange papers...dont read if you are an aa member..

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Terrified of AA need help please!!

                    another funny thing my dad af for 30 years....i took his big book and 24 hours a day
                    to nz
                    he told me today i never read the fukin things.....i just dont drink or analyze...and life is ok..
                    who is mad?

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Terrified of AA need help please!!

                      Hye Jon...do you mean your Dad never read the big book etc? And that he didn't analyse but just didn't drink? Coz I think that's great! All the analysing and labelling was driving me to drink!!!
                      Good luck to you.
                      FMF x
                      :heart: c: :heart:
                      "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Terrified of AA need help please!!

                        Golly (and I dont use that word often ) I'm glad I found MYO first, because I was going to look up AA. I'd say quite a few alcoholics have problems because of controlling parents/influences in their lives. The last thing they would need are more control freaks! Seems like it could easily lead to rebellion ie drinking.

                        Good luck to those people it has helped, but it aint going to be me.

                        Benno ... happy as a member of MYO! Day 16 AF.

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                          #13
                          Terrified of AA need help please!!

                          hi finding...i spoke to him to day he says hes not smart enough to analyze stuf!f drink caused problems so he stopped it..no hp no sponser no meetings he tried for a bit 20 odd years ago and i dont see a dry drunk in him!!
                          me on the otherhand its driving me nuts the analyzing(am i a product of him) nah! im just a drunk who shouldnt drink im stopping resoning why..just get on with it!!...for me!
                          i am like all the poeple here... im going af tomorrow cause its not good for me to take alchohol and i am glad he told me that 2nd edition bible lol he never read it!!
                          im on board now ...jon..

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Terrified of AA need help please!!

                            Glad you are going AF tomorrow Jon, you will feel a lot better in a few days. Look after yourself.
                            It always seems impossible until it's done....

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Terrified of AA need help please!!

                              Dear oh dear!

                              Since my "incident" people are nagging me to go to AA and I'm still in 2 minds. I've said I'll go but I'm really not into that whole religious and "I have no power" crap. I might go tonight or tomorrow just cos I said I would and who knows, it might help. All I know is that i used to go to NA (Narcotics anonymous) 10 years ago after I gave up certain drugs but like FMF that whole thing that you can't touch )0.0000000000001% alcohol and you'll fall off the "wagon" is a bit much really! I've decided to check it out, use it like a "competition" of sobriety since I am slightly competitive and not get roped into the "cult culture" of it all. As for handing out my phone number...mmm NO!

                              I should NEVER had said i would go!

                              Yes and I agree with the "rebel" theory too, if it feels like it'll go that way I"M DEFINATELY NOT going to keep going.

                              I have fantasies of starting my own group, a new, fresh-thinking group. SURELY I too can start a cult following...?
                              Full is not nearly as heavy as empty, my love...
                              Not nearly. -Fiona Apple-

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