Newbies in need - Day 15

[Chief]

Newbies in need - Day 15

Occular...
So let me get this straight... After having a serious drinking problem for 30 years, trying to quit many times with no success while hurting and letting down family and friends, I have FINALLY succeeded in beating the bottle, and now I should approach the same non- alcoholic family and friends and tell them I want to start drinking again but this time I want to control it with their help?
I don't know, I never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I don't think that's a good plan....

Don

[OccularFantasm]

Newbies in need - Day 15

No, that was not what I was trying to imply don. I was trying to say that if someone were to attempt to have one drink once in a while, it should be when they are with others who can tell them no if they want a second. I say one drink because by one cannot become belligerent off of one drink, although it can cause the person to feel as though they very much need a second. It would also be good if that were to happen to explain to those people what it is your trying to do, that it is a step on the way to recovery that shouldn't be done on your own. 30 years is a very long time, and perhaps that approach is not right for you. I was just trying to explain that if people did try it, that it should never be done alone. At least in my experience, I find it easier to let myself down than to let others down, especially if the others are right there.

I was also thinking back about a post on this thread not too far back, where a person was talking about trying having a glass of wine at dinner every night. This makes me think, perhaps an amendment the the proposed idea I had. It may work better if there are some set restrictions on when the drink could be had, at least for the early phase. A glass of wine every night could be especially hazardous, since it sets a precedent for a daily pattern, which is not good for someone who has had trouble stopping drinking everyday. Perhaps for those who want to try that it would be better perhaps once a week, on a specific predesignated day. It could also be harder if there was a whole bottle bought for this, so perhaps leaving it at whoever the supportive peoples house is. Maybe have a dinner there or something, and have the one drink.

My reasoning for this is because perhaps by not being the one in possession of alcohol, it would be easier to keep to the commitment. It would be easy to just pour another drink, however one would probably be less likely to do so if they had to ask for a second, especially if they know the person will say no.

Also, this approach would eliminate having that random drink on a time of extreme anxiety or unease. This way, it avoids becoming a dependency again. I would also suggest that anyone who ever tries such a method, take note after the first two times, if they feel the temptation outweighs what they are trying to accomplish. This would not be a god fit for someone who would be a mess trying to keep to the schedule, thinking about another drink, if they had not been as obsessed beforehand.

As I also noticed someone mentioned my proposal as a 'so-called cure', I would like to elaborate on that because that is a very good point. The word cure indicates getting to a certain set goal. From there I realized, everyones goal here is similar, but not identical. For this I will use the metaphor light at the end of a tunnel. For all, the dark is heavy drinking. For some, the light is being able to control their drinking. For some, it is being able to not drink at all. My method is not for the latter, as they have already reached the end of their tunnel. My proposal was for those, who have the first goal, who have been told they could never reach it, that there is still light at the end of their tunnels. The first goal however cannot exist without first having the second goal being there, and the first cannot be attempted until the latter has been achieved.

That being said, my idea is more of an optional last step, for some (not all) people. I hope that helps clarify some things. Sorry bout not being able to respond every day, I've been mad busy.

Oh, and DB2, I made my name this because it reminded me of a psilocybin trip, which was a definite emphasis of culture in the 60's.

Also, the main part I was trying to convey to the newbies, was that they are all told they have no control, and will never be able to moderate their drinking, but it is only some who cannot and some who can. I was trying to convey that their self esteem in that respect may have been beaten down a little more than it needed to be; and low self-esteem can make it harder to continue to abstain.

[Chief]

Newbies in need - Day 15

I still don't get it... I understand, but I still don't get it. It sounds like an awful lot of work to have 1 drink a week. Why put yourself through that? To me, you're either going to drink or you're not. If you can have 1 drink with no problem, no stress about it, no thought about having a second drink, then you don't have a drinking problem. I don't know anyone here like that.

[OccularFantasm]

Newbies in need - Day 15

That is a very good point chief. I was trying to discuss a way in which to break the drinking problem, rather than just avoiding it. It is defiantly a lot of hard work, which I would imagine is why the majority of people just go to either end of the spectrum (heavy drinking or abstinence.) The goal I had previously mentioned, you are absolutely right about. If you can have one drink and not worry about another, you do not have a drinking problem. Unfortunately, most programs never go so far as to try and fix a drinking problem, only on ways to avoid it. This is because, as you had said, it is a very long and arduous path, of which many people would prefer to avoid. The point of the whole thing would be that if one drink can not bother you, you would no longer have to avoid alcohol like the plague in order to be successful. Therefore, it is more work in the beginning, but less work in the end, if successful that is.

I feel there is a clear divide within the alcoholic community as well, and as such different approaches should be adapted for both of them. I think one group has trouble with being sober, and has a great deal of drug seeking behavior, and they use alcohol because its cheap and is great for intoxication. I think the other group consists of people whom crave alcohol itself, and cannot stop once they have started. After the individual becomes physically addicted to the alcohol, these two groups sort of blend together. I think abstinence is the best approach for the first, while the second should do abstain and then try to control moderation. I think since these groups do end up merging, this is why only abstinence is taught, as it is the greatest common factor.

I hope I cleared up things enough for you Chief. Many times I don't explain things well, so I will be more than happy to try again if need be. I am also very interested in hearing feedback on my idea of the two subgroups of alcoholics. Not being one myself, I think hearing back from a large diverse group of people who are is the best way to make my ideas better and more accurate. I figure the more I learn and know, the more helpful I can be.