Drinking- A Mental Release

[Finding My Self]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Marbella - well done! And oooops! But you have a big heart and a lot of honesty. So you have a guy in your shop reminding you of stuff - he's turned out to be a bit of a blessing in a way! We never know where the gifts we get are going to come from, eh?!?

You've done great in a week!

And everyone's written great stuff here. Thanks. I really do wonder how I would get through without everyone here. I didn't get through on booze - just thought I did!

Think I only really started about December last year (at 49) but actually wonder if I wasn't being badly affected even by a couple of glasses a night for years before that. Never considered that excessive before but now... for me? Not sure it worked. But I got way, way above that in the final six months! Yes, got me through 6 months but nothing had changed for the better after it (um, worse comes to mind!) and now I am here and things are getting better - or I see them differently anyway! Main thing is that I don't put up with sh*t like I used to! Why did I say yes and have a drink instead of just saying no/stop it now when being put-upon, used, hurt, ignored, dumped...etc etc etc! I know who taught me (but why did it take me so long to learn that they were sick) that I didn't deserve to be treated well... And then even when I knew that did I still chose to take sh*t and drink it away.... ?!?!?!?!?!?!

BUT - things are different now. Thanks to here and everyone here. It sure is good not to be alone!

Sorry, sound maudling tonight....bit of a ? day. I'm ok, not 'thirsty' (!) and realy hope everyone's doing ok and feeling happy.

Sorry, think I may have waivered miles from the thread title...hope you can get the flow back!!

Love FMF xx

[bloggy]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Finding my Feet-
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I don't think it has waived at all from my original post at all- just added more interesting food for thought.

I too, know probably where my obviously low self esteem comes from, but I am now old and experienced enough to know that to inflict a low sense of self-worth on me was not intentional.

Looking back over the last seven or so years (actually in fact most of my adult life) I have allowed myself to be used and abused in some quite nasty ways- like you say, why did I just not say NO??!!!
I also just drank the hurt away.

I think I was afraid of hearing the consequence of what standing up for myself may have bought about- as in I may have been REJECTED if I had not gone along with things???!!!

God forbid, rejection would have been hurtful for a while but not as bad as putting up with mental abuse.

(By the way, I am not blaming anyone or anything for anything that has happened I take full responsibility for everything that has happened to me after the age of around 12 years old

So I guess this is another thing to work through.
Probably most of maybe had a big hurt at some point and let ourselves be used/abused to avoid the same hurt recurring?

Then in turn to avoid the hurt of the subsequent abuse- "Ooh there's a lovely bottle of vodka! That will make me feel better! Thank you very much!"

These of course are just the idle ramblings of an English woman sitting in a Spanish internet cafe, but I feel if I could get to the why, I would be closer to overcoming this.

Thank you all again for your wonderful insights- I think I have learnt as much in a few days here than in 10 years buying every Alc help book that was ever printed!

[Phoenix74]

Drinking- A Mental Release

How U doing today Marbella?

Hello there :wavin:

Just thinking of you, wondering how you are getting on. That chap will likely be in the cafe about now I guess. Funny thing is - look how aware the whole situation with him has made you; he's kinda facilitated a revelation in you, no?

Bless him, he's prob lonely, so :goodjob: on account of being kind to him anyway.

Reading your post made me think hard on when exactly I discovered I used drink in an unhealthy way. I didn't start drinking regularly until after I got married 4 yrs ago.

Things were 'trying'; after work he was going to the gym or footie training every evening anywhere from 5pm to 8pm, or 6 to 9, or 7 to 10. He took Saturdays off, matches on sundays.
He couldn't eat early (5 or 6) cos he couldn't train on food. He often didn't want the dinner by the time he came home as it was too late to eat a big meal.

So I was habitually at home alone, cooking dinner, waiting for him, remaining hungry, watching dinner disintegrating, and one night I opened a bottle of wine someone gave me as a gift to sip while i was doing the cooking waiting thing, and it just progressed from there.

It became something I did pretty much every evening when I got the dinner started. The odd time I got on to the second bottle by 11 or 12pm.
Lots of things happened between us, and that particular habit was broken for a period of about a year, but anyway, about 15 months ago I struck up the same habit again. Every 2nd day I didn't drink, and every other day I looked fwd to having the first drink somewhere betw 5 and 6pm and the rest followed.

Before I got married I hardly didn't drink! I didn't even have a drink that I drank. Dunno how I worked out "hitched = pissed" but it happened.

B4 that, drinking just wasn't a thing for me at all, it was an oddtime acquaintance but not a friend, and certainly not my best friend, which it later became.
I suppose my life b4 booze was just simply 'any normal life without booze', I knew no differently. Ignorance was bliss.

It reminds me of the great film 'A Beautiful Mind'... John Nash managed to mostly overcome his illness by saying goodbye to his 'friends', played by Ed Harris, Paul Bettany and the little girl, because he knew he could not continue to live any kind of life with them in it.

I've rambled on a lot, though I just dropped by to say Hi! Where R U? How R U? Thanks 4 your thread and posts and the replies they occasioned. You've got me thinking

Hope you're feeling good

b

[bloggy]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Hi Pheonix
Thanks so much for your nice post.

Here I am in the internet cafe with my friend. You are absolutely right, he is lonely- I am really glad I did not tell him to do one. I also sense he probably has some alcohol dependence, although at the moment he is thirsty as he has no money.

You obviously started feeling lonely after you married, understandably- you were married to him, and he was married to the gym.
My drinking started LONG before I met my current boyfriend 6 years ago, but when I met him, I was going through a happy period, and it was quite moderate. But after meeting him, and falling in love, then realising he loved his PC, his job, and anything techie more than he was capable of loving another person, my drinking worsened tenfold.

But it is not really their fault is it? I mean it might be their fault they may have had their priorities wrong- it may be their fault they maybe are not very aware of a partner's feelings, but is it their fault to overcome disappointment and loneliness we decided to slurp ourselves silly?

Looking back (although as I said I was already a problem drinker) I should have sat him down, told him I felt left out and it was not turning out how I hoped, and could we have some together time. But I would not have DARED! I was too afraid in case he said "NO; I love/like you, but I do not want to spend more time with you" or "Sorry, but at my age, I cannot change.." blah blah.

I could NOT have faced the rejection- so I drowned my disappointment and hurt instead.

I have to face the fact that instead of dealing with difficult feelings I have been rather cowardly and numbed them with booze.
I am still not facing them, I have not been AF for about 4 days now- OK its only 2 or 3 beers, but I am still hiding behind it.

But in your case the fact it coincided with your marriage, and you weren't a problem drinker before, may mean you have to look at a few things there?

I think if we work out a least part of the 'why' we are a long way towards stopping this thing.

Ironically, as my drinking worsened and i was away from the house more and more, my boyfriend bacame a lot more attentive- obviously- he was very worried- I paid no attention to his pleas or attempts to spend more time together- that would have meant forsaking my beer.

My job in this internet cafe will finish soon, and then I am determined to at least spend the bewitching hour with him, he is now gagging for my company, and has forgotten all his past loves- or if he hasn't forgotten, they are very secondary to him.

Anyways lots to think about all the time, I try not to over think in case I drink

Well well done on all your AF days, it is really really amazing how well you have done. Don't let anything get to you, and why not go to IKEA this weekend and get your shed kitted out? :l

[Phoenix74]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Hi Marbella

Feeling quite crappy right now.

Wondering how you're doing. It's 20.26 here, I think we're on the same time but I get so confused with the GMT -1 or GMT-2 thing here that it could be anytime anywhere

I'm struggling big time with AF this evening. Dunno whether I'm over-thinking it all and should try to moderate and see if i can do that, or stay AF cos if I don't I'll balls up my run of days.

It's this night last week I had 6/7 vodkas on an almost empty stomach. So I woke up feeling like crap Saturday morning and said to myself 'something's got to give'...

Wish I knew IF I could drink, at all, normally now that i've had this wake-up call this past week, or if this past week HAS BEEN THE WAKE-UP CALL THAT I CAN'T EVER DRINK!!!

Hope you're doing ok. Look fwd to hearing from you soon.

We're in action in the rugby as I speak, hubby is roaring in the next room. We're prob going to get slaughtered

B

[bloggy]

Drinking- A Mental Release

Hi Phoenix

Only just saw your post, I am now subscribing to replies, this forum is getting to be quite addictive-all the 'Did they or didn't they drink-it's quite nail biting stuff)

Did you manage to get through yesterday evening?

I didn't do very well, I have not attempted an AF- I am leaving my job here at the end of the month and that will be my first day AF- I am going to try for 30- then see if I can mod) Anyway yesterday I had a night off, went to Barcelona with the BF- he went to buy his techie stuff so I went to look in the shops, and ended up in a few of my favourite bars there.

At the end of the day totalled my drinks and realised I'd had 7.

So hardly a mod day.:sigh:

How did you do??

EDIT- Have just seen your post, so I will reply there!

[Phoenix74]

Drinking- A Mental Release

God what are we like???? :-) I just replied to you and Finding in the other thread. We're all chasing each other round the boards :-) :-)