AF Anyone??

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Thank you Cuckoo, for your post. Yes it is such a vicious cycle too. I do wake up like you every day and want to be rid of this.
This evening, even though I feel stressed and embarrassed and hungover, AT LEAST I don't have that scheming, planning, sneaking thing going on. Because my partner isn't drinking - there is no way I can.
I now need to move myself to a place where I don't want to drink at all.
It is going to take some work.
Congratulations on Day 2. And thank you for your support.
xxx

[jupiter]

AF Anyone??

i'm on day day seven and i'll try to go af with you for this coming month as well

we'll keep up the good fight

[writeit]

AF Anyone??

Me too. I'm game. I'm only on day 10, but have slipped up twice, so guess I need a little more support

[Cinders]

AF Anyone??

Amelia,

You know I am with you, too, sweetheart. Your posts today have broken my heart for you as badly as my binge last week broke my heart for me.

We are in the vortex for a horrible addiction and must just get our minds around the fact that drinking is simply not an option. Sometimes I hate myself because I can't moderate. I just do. I think, what a weak willed, stupid woman I am because I can't.

Then, of course, I read the reasons we are alcoholics and I realize, we are what we are. No matter how we got here.

I, too, must quit for myself and my family. Period. Quit. Done. No more. EVER.

What a scary thing to say, but that is where it is. Might as well face the truth.

So, I will walk the path with you and know that we must beat this addiction so it DOES NOT BEAT US.

I love you much and wish you much strength,
:h
Cindi

[diane52]

AF Anyone??

Dear everyone,
Just sitting here crying.
This is my problem too. How do I go through eleven years of this and still think I can get it under control? Gosh you are all so brave. Amelia. I've known you for such a short time and you move me so much and I want to fly there and do for you what I can't seem to do for me. Isn't that the be all? We want to do for each other what we can't do for ourselves. But we can. If we gave ourselves half the support we give to others.....like wakeupmom says you are so may other things besides an achohol addict. So am I. So are we all. And we will do this. It takes so much time to make a habit. It takes so much time to break it. It took me forever to quit smoking. But I did it and I don't miss it and I cried like a baby the first time I left home with out a pack in my pocket. I could barely start the car. OK, I failed that time. But I did not give up. And I won't now. I just won't.
I don't want to do the dishes without wine, cook with out wine, make love without wine, grade papers with out wine, clean the house without wine etc. But I miss reading books. Watching, remembering, the ends of movies. Hearing the ends of my kids stories. Getting a good night's sleep. Waking up feeling energized. Guiltless. Anyway. You all move and inspire me and I take courage and heart from your journeys. I know we are moving forward.
Please keep posting no matter what. Your success thrills me and your setbacks keep me real and both keep me here.
Diane

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

Beautifull truth

"I don't want to do the dishes without wine, cook with out wine, make love without wine, grade papers with out wine, clean the house without wine etc. But I miss reading books. Watching, remembering, the ends of movies. Hearing the ends of my kids stories. Getting a good night's sleep. Waking up feeling energized. Guiltless."

Diane, truer words are rarely spoken. We all have our little dirty secrets, tricks, deceits.
Amelia shone light on a few. We all cringe as we mirror each other. I've been on this path countless times...in 2008... so far 28 days, days of clarity, days of peace, and all the time filled for regret for what I could of remembered, should of remembered. A broken marriage,
I literally proposed one night and had to be reminded the next day that I had done so) alienated friends, disastrous affairs. A longing for peace , a respite from the storm of guilt.

So never give up Amelia one day, and that day will come. You will fall in love with yourself again, you will recover your pride and you will move forward.

I promise.

Gary

[gottatry]

AF Anyone??

well said. It took me many tries and a long time, but now I have accomplished 135 days... never thought i could but it has happened with lots of support

[NewLife2008]

AF Anyone??

Amelia, Cuckoo, and Diane, I'm ashamed to say I too I slipped and big time. I did what I swore I would never do. I drove drunk in a very bad rainstorm the other night and I have not stopped thinking about it since. I realized I could have killed myself and left my wonderful children without a mother. Worse, I could have killed the mother or father of other children or parents without children. I thought I was sober enough to get into the car, but I wasn't and I was too afraid to pull over the car.

When I got home, I was relieved and I swear to all of you, I will never do that again. I never have done it before and I don't know why I did. If God was anywhere the other night, HE WAS with me.

Saturday night was a busy night for all of us and I'm on my 2nd day AF. I'm praying for my salvation and I'll pray for you, Amelia, so you and your partner can live in content without alcohol. Cuckoo, so you can overcome any obstacle each day and continue on your road to sobriety. Diane, so you can grade papers tomorrow without a glass of wine; the day after, to do the dishes without a glass of wine. And to the rest of you, who come to this forum and this particular post, because I see so much empathy, understanding, and compassion from all of you. You're a wonderful group of people.

To make sure I get on here every day and contribute to this post, I'm going to post some inspirations for us to use. They have helped me and I'll quote from the book, which is, "Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul." The book is for recovery souls of all kinds, including eating, gambling, etc. The inspirations are by people with addictions and a small quote follows. These are helpful, thought provoking, and will help us get through the anger, shame, and guilt that hold us back.

I'll post the first affirmation for tomorrow's date, January 29th. For many of you, this is today. If you want me to jump ahead a day or don't want me to post these, I'll do whatever you want. I think these will help.

Here's the first one,

"After work I often found myself at the drive-thru window, ordering lots of food and comsuming it in my car before going home. When I complained about the grips of my addictive behavior to a wise friend she simply said, 'Do something different and you'll get differnet results.' That night I told myself that I wanted to cook a healthy meal. I stopped at the grocery store, got the ingredients and did just that. Occasionally, I still find myself at the drive-thru but I don't beat myself up. I acknowledge how poorly I feel after bingeing and contrast that with the calm I feel after I cook for myself. The pattern is broken." [i]Lisa Jo Barr[[I] "Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is." Will Rodgers

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Newlife, I would appreciate the daily affirmations being posted. I read a book based on daily meditations from the native americans and often find the quotes very helpful. When I first found this site there was a quotation that really hit home for me and I posted it on the site. If I can find it I will post it tonight. I have to go to work now. I hope everyone has a good day. Diane, as bluequad said, "truer words are rarely spoken".


Gottatry, thanks for the encouragement and knowing it can be accomplished.

Love to all,

Cuckoo

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Hi all, this is the post I spoke of earlier today. The quotes are from a book called "A Cherokee Feast of Days" and are as follows "the danger point comes after a victory when we think there are no more battles", "it is a life promise but we have to claim it", and "we are winners and overcomers".

I posted this back on November 1st and I just think it is very appropriate for this battle we have to wage every day.

Cuckoo

[NewLife2008]

AF Anyone??

For tomorrow,

"Powerful emotions stir as I recall the places for which I have come. Worlds of seemingly unrecoverable loss and immense pain until his words brought peace and a hand of beauty, love and grace reached into the vile darkness to rescue me. Tears, no longer of rage and anger, roll down my face in thankfulness for the life I have now found.
Sobriety; a life no longer dominated by drugs, alcohol, rage and pain. Each day brings with it the promise of something better, this can only be so as the words he spoke echo deeply in my soul. Godwin H. Barton" "We are not human beings having a spirutal experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin"

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Hello All,
Well I am feeling better and that is totally down to having two days AF today will be my Day 3. Feeling very tired and a bit stresssed as I have lots of work on and am having difficulty sleeping. I have also been very reflective. I am focusing on the negative aspects of drinking so much and what I have lost through it. I am also focusing on all the positives that fully engaging with sobriety will bring for my body, mind and soul (not to mention my work, relationship,finances etc).
I am thinking of my situation now much more as an addiction to a drug. That drug being alcohol. And as in all drug addiction, once you have become addicted, you MUST stop and NEVER touch that drug again (or any others for that matter)
So doing OK. My partner is being great to. He slept in the lounge last night so that I didn?t have to worry about being kept awake by the odd snore.

Welcome to Jupiter. Glad to see you are on Day 7 already. You must being feeling much better now that you are past the first 3-4 days. Are you sleeping OK?

Hello to Writeit as well. You are doing great too ? on Day 10. As you say though, if you are having slips, then you do need to have as many supports as you can get.
This board, friends, supplements, therapy, exercise etc etc. I do think that as far as support goes, more is definately better.

Cindi, thank you so much for your post. One of the things especially stood out for me, ?We are in the vortex for a horrible addiction and must just get our minds around the fact that drinking is simply not an option?
I completely agree with you. And I think when we say that we are scared by the thought of never drinking again, it?s because we still have a misguided idea, that one day we may be OK moderating. NO we are the people that have shown time and time again that it isn?t an option.
So yes, I will walk the path with you to beat this addiction xxx

Diane, you said it so well to, ?How do I go through eleven years of this and still think I can get it under control?? We all know how this feels because we are all in the same boat. Once an addict, always an addict is a phrase I have heard somewhere and god it rings true across these boards.
I understand totally what you mean by having wine around whilst undertaking all the everyday tasks. Completely understand. If the flip side of the alcohol coin didn?t cause us so much misery then that would be ok. But we all know about the misery otherwise we wouldn?t be here. I yearn to wake up feeling energised as you say,...
to want to just live through my days without hangovers, lies, guilt. Bring it on!!

Gary, you said ?So never give up Amelia one day, and that day will come. You will fall in love with yourself again, you will recover your pride and you will move forward?. I won?t give up. Thank you for your lovely words. xxxx

Newlife, thank you for being so honest too. I am relived that you got home safely.
So glad to read that you are on Day 2 as well. I would love to have inspirational quotes etc posted here. Great idea! xxx

Cuckoo and Wakeupmom, both of you have been tremendous supports to me over the months. Both of you have hearts of gold. So happy to see that both of you have some Af days under you belts too. xxx

Hello to everyone else, Betsy, Prose, Planet Janet, Hula Girl, Masai xxx

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Hello Everyone,
Well I have made it to the end of Day 3.
Thinking of you all and hope you are all doing Ok.
xxxx

[Cinders]

AF Anyone??

Amelia,

Hi there! Good on for Day 3.

I, too, am sober today!! ODAT.

Love you,
Cindi

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Hi all. Amelia, congrats on day 3. Glad you are feeling better but sorry to hear about the stress and the sleeplessness. Like you, sleeping is a thing I have trouble with. I have been taking melatonin and the calm's forte. Someone also suggested valerian root but that literally stinks. I have found a website that has aromatherapy patches for stress/sleep/energy/focus, etc. I tried the sleep one but not quite sure if it worked because the night I used it, before I went to bed I had a cup of sleepytime tea, took a melatonin and 2 calms forte, and then listend to my sleep cd. So I'm not sure what finally got me to go to sleep. :H The stress patch did seem to help. I'll attach the website if anyone is interested. I received a gift pack as a Christmas gift. I'm on day 4 AF and have plans for the weekend so that it will be an AF weekend.

Prose hope you are enjoying your mini-holiday. Fjones, miss hearing from you.

Socal, newlife, Diane, hope your AF is going well and that we are fighting this together and hanging strong.

Wakup, as Amelia says you have been such a wonderful source of support since the start of this thread. Love to you.

Cindi, thank you for your honesty and strength.

To everyone, have a good night and good day tomorrow.
Love to all,
Cuckoo