AF Anyone??

[SoCal Betsy]

AF Anyone??

Yellowstone -
I'm so happy for you that your "new" self is attracting such positive attention.

I've lost my focus, my sense of fun with my kids, energy, etc. due to my excessive drinking. I've been going through the motions day-in, day-out and not enjoying myself - yet every night I drink again.

You've encouraged me with your enthusiasm for a better sense of life. I would be so delighted for people to notice something different about me and wonder what it could be. Therefore, I am committing myself to not drink this weekend and I pray that when I post again on Monday it is with a focused and clear brain.

Thanks again Yellowstone - your great attitude is contagious.

Hi to everyone - Prose, Amelia, Wakeup Mom, Cindi, Diane, etc. Have a great weekend!!

Betsy

[Yellowstone]

AF Anyone??

Hang in there SoCal Betsy! For me the hardest part was the first two weeks; it was as if I was purging my body of all the built up toxins. Not fooling myself though, I'm only 45 days into this. Although 45 days is the most since I was 15 and took my first drink. Hang in there!

[tawnyfrog]

AF Anyone??

Great post, Yellowstone!!!!!!!!

[sunshine23]

AF Anyone??

yellowstone:

what a great post . . .thanks for sharing . . . must feel great!:h I'm just curious . . .is there a reason you haven't shared this with your wife?

keep up the good work :goodjob:

love, D

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Yellowstone, what a very thought provoking post.

[Graciela]

AF Anyone??

Hey everybody!

I'm on Day 17 AF (never ever thought I could do 3, if you want to know the truth) and it hasn't been easy, but I'm committed to the end of Lent which is 5 weeks away. I think about AL a lot, but have made it through whole weekends, steak dinners, holidays, a funeral and a living with a pre-teen. I feel a real sense of accomplishment and I LOVE not waking up with guilt and negative thoughts about myself! I have even lost some weight. Sorry to go on, but this is about the only place I can talk freely about it. I told a friend about going 9 days AF and she was like "big deal." It helps to know that you guys are here to encourage me and others like me!
So, what I'm trying to say is I've come this far, I'm going the distance and would love to be part of this group. Thanks for being there!

[prose]

AF Anyone??

Hi everyone,
was just reading through all the posts, I haven't had much time on the computer lately, just the odd check-in, so it is good to see all the news.
Yellowstone, I had to read through your post a couple of times, you put in to words so well some of the ways that I (and I am sure many people here) feel.
As far as your wife knowing what you are doing, I struggle with that too with my husband, I have not said anything to him about my feelings around this or this site, I don't feel like I am hiding, just that this is a journey that I want to be my own,
maybe that is putting my head in the sand, I know he would be totally supportive if I were to talk to him, but when I am honest with myself about my feelings, this is how I want to do it. I feel like I have spent so much of my life trying to do things the way that other people want me to do them, that it is time to ask me what I want.
Something good about getting older maybe?
Hope that all made sense.
fjones, how was your night, hope it went ok.
Wakeupmom, always good to read your posts,
Cuckoo, always good to read you.
Betsy, I am joining you for an af weekend if you don't mind, maybe we could treat ourselves on Monday- go for virtual coffee or something!
Graciela, I am so glad you found us, I know what you mean about telling someone about what to you is a HUGE accomplishment, only to have them say "big deal". We all know here that it is a big deal. You are an inspiration to me for sure! so please continue posting.
Amelia, we miss you horribly, hope you get your computer up and going soon!!!!
Sunshine, tawnyfrog, anyone else I have missed, hang in there,
all my love, P

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

I hope everyone is doing well...I wish I could say the same...so much for my unbeaten streak since Jan 1st. Tonight was a wash. I did it to fit in. I'm happy I made it this far,
and I know this is only a bump in the road, But for all the times I tried to please my parents, my siblings, my co-workers, and my spouse.. I let myself down, and for all of us, we know how that feels. So much for clarity.

On the positive side, I'll have a hangover tomorrow, I didn't do anything stupid, and I know that I can come back to reflect on tonight as a learning experience.

Sometimes life feels like "whack a mole" and all we see is ourselves ducking. Ouch.

G

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Bluequad, I'm sorry to hear this but don't beat yourself up. You were AF for over 40 days and that is something to be proud to have accomplished. It is only a bump in the road. Hope your hangover isn't to bad and I also hope you jump right back on the horse.

[prose]

AF Anyone??

I have to echo cuckoo bluquad, don't spend time beating yourself up, you have done so well!
P

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Blue, just want you to know you aren't suffering your hangover alone. I have been mixing AF days with drinking and last night I drank a lot. Tonight will be AF day 1 and counting. The clarity you spoke of is something I truly want.

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

Thanks to all of you for your wonderfull words of encouragement.
I certainly paid the price today for my excess last night. Wrecked a high tea date with my girlfriend ( she had set up been looking forward to for a month) and had to cancel a romantic Valentine's dinner this evening I had planned at a great little french restaurant. Nothing about last night makes it worth it. I think it will be, that I can just take it easy...then whamo.
So I begin again.

[fjones]

AF Anyone??

Hi All,

I didn't make it sober Friday night and continued into all day Saturday. Had bad hangover Sunday but managed to get out. I isolate alone when I drink because I am so scared of the consequences of my public drinking especially if it goes into a blackout. I drink primarily on a Friday night - as if I need relief from the stress of functioning during the week. Day 2 now and still feeling the effects but at work - I am tired of this binge drinking and cancelled seeing my boyfriend Saturday for the third time in 3 months because I am too drunk to be seen. Why on earth am I putting booze ahead of a relationship. I am very despondent with myself but after 21 days alcohol free over Xmas have lapsed back into this pattern. By the end of the week I am so tired from work and life and managing PTSD that I just want to sleep for hours and alcohol does that - even though it makes me sick as a dog and I have to withdraw with shakes and sweat. Does anyone else feel like me?

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

fjones...think about what you did manage to accomplish..21 days, every day a challenge, every day an accomplishment. No question about it, depression, the cycle of guilt, embarrasment, self loathing, everything is very negative after a binge and the light at the end of the tunnel seems very far away indeed. Sleeping is something I did a great deal of as well but night sweats, shakiness became as familiar as the rising sun. fjones only you know what it feels like to break the pattern. Freedom... You've already started...that's why you are here. Chin up, we're all here for you.

[fjones]

AF Anyone??

Hi All,

Hanging in at Day 3, hit AA last night and it helps even though I don't agree with a lot of it especially the self denigration such as I am so arrogant but I won't go off on one. Take care all and have a sober day.