AF Anyone??

[cowgal]

AF Anyone??

Fjones, I am trying AA (again!!!???) and I feel the same way right now as last night was my second meeting for a while..................I need to do as they say and "keep an open mind"....used to be easier, but have taken on hubbies attitude over the years (cynical, not spiritual AT ALL!!!!!) which I am (spiritual!!) think of it as a support group.............you don't have to agree w/ everything they say..............

I have day 1 under my belt, let's do this together, all of us!!!! AF!!!

love and hugs,:h :l

MA

[wakupmom]

AF Anyone??

Hello to all,
Just checking in quickly as i haven't been at home very much lately,and missing my MWO friends.Thinking of you all,and will post a longer message soon. xx

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Hello all, just checking in to say hi and see how everyone is doing. Haven't heard from so many of you and I miss you all. Please let us know how you are doing. Still trying to go AF without much success but started on the topamax again and hope that helps limit the cravings.

love to all,
cuckoo

[prose]

AF Anyone??

Hello everyone,
just a quick hello from me too,
where is everyone? hope everyone is well,
I am doing pretty well, af mixed with mods,
take care, P

[fjones]

AF Anyone??

Hi All

Half way through Day 6 but the cravings today are almost unbearable. I feel anxious to drink and anxious not to drink. I feel a pressure to drink and a pressure not to drink. It is Friday and I usually pick up a drink on a Friday night and wreck the weekend. My stomach is gnawing at me and it relates to my PTSD symptoms being bad on a Friday after a stressful week at work and I want some form of releif from the way I am feeling, tired, exhausted, depressed and anxious. Booze does that because I drink myself to a semi comatosed state. Hoping that this post relieves the stress.

My boyfriend did not beleive that I did not drink last night so I have a voice saying so you may as well drink. But as usual I have already forgotten the pain of withdrawal after a binge and how awaful I feel emotionally after a binge and some of the yacky situations I get myself into when drunk such as blackouts, other people having to take care of me, spending a fortune on a taxi home and lying to my boyfriend as to where and how much I drank.

I also feel a deep anger that really I know that I can't drink yet every cell of my being wants to.

Throwing in a women's AA meeting to-night - which helps because of the identification with other drinkers and the mess it causes.

Hope you are all feeling more confident about staying off the sauce than I am.

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

fjones, you are experiencing the worst kind of torment...the I have two brains/souls kind of torment. It feels like your going to rip apart .I really, really, hate that part and it only happens at the most chalenging time, when you are tired, depressed, emotionally drained and hungry. You gotta eat, something filling so you don't feel like drinking, like chocolate or ice cream, you gotta keep moving...walking helps alot, and you've got got to try to listen to the voice that loves you, and that's not the one telling you to drink.
One day the good voice becomes louder and louder and the other one is even ashamed to speak, because your heart will know who to listen to. No matter what happens, you are trying, you are here with us, and we all share your struggle.

[4theboyz]

AF Anyone??

fjones,

Hold on tight don't let go, you have come so far. Fight for it! I am one day behind you going into my first weekend AF, I have the exact same fears but I am going to fight and fight as hard as it will take to get through it. Don't let your boyfriend become the scapegoat for AL to take you down, you know better and deserve better. Take a deep breath and push forward - stay focused, stay strong!

[fjones]

AF Anyone??

Hi All,

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I got through the weekend without and am now at yet one more Day 10. I took a day off as annual leave yesterday and did nothing but work out plans for relapse prevention but it was also a day of isolation. I am back at work today and will put in another women's meeting to-night but my anxiety level is high and even though it is Day 10 I am sweating quite a lot. Not sure if this is anxiety that not drinking or PTSD or menopause or anxiety that I can get 21 days and then hit the skids. Trying to keep it in the day for now.

I am also doing a list for motivation to saty sober - like - don't want a DUI, don't want to lose my job to booze - I may lose my job because that happens but it cannot be due to booze because the guilt, shame, regret and remorse would be crippling.

How are you all doing?

[prose]

AF Anyone??

hey fjones, good for you! 10 days is a great accomplishment. I am sure it is hard to figure out the sweating when there are so many things going on, I think your idea of keeping it in the day is just what we all need to do.
Hang in there,
P
ps Hello to everyone else, I wonder how "our" Amelia is doing!

[Noelle]

AF Anyone??

Hi fjones. You might have to do the hour at a time or minute at a time to get through, but if you do, it'll work. You can do it!!!!!!

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

Way to go fjones.... you sound more and more resolved. The physical stuff can go on for awhile..but for every negative there will be a positive outcome in:goodjob: time. You are going to feel fantastic...believe it. Sweating and anxiety come with the territory, your body is pissed at you for taking away it's familiar state. You are not going to hit the skids.. it will get easier, you have come so far, relish it, be proud. As for your list... aside from the negatives...make a list of the positives, like the next time you meet someone socially and like them and want to remember their name you actually will. Roses will smell sweeter, water will taste fresher, food will be astounding, dreams will be lucid and encouraging, ultimately you will be re-born, and besides , who doesn't want to get a second chance, a second life?

[LilyRose]

AF Anyone??

HI all

I'm back. I've been battling the same old problem, making about 5 days at best without alcohol. For the last 6 months I've said to myself that I can do this without help, that I can abstain and go without. But evidently I can't. I've not been so drunk that I can't cope the next day but today I feel awful and it's a wake up call so I'm ordering the topa and going to come back for advice and really try to combat this. Hi to my old friends Prose, Amelia and Wakeupmom. Hope you are all doing well and that we catch up soon LR xx

[prose]

AF Anyone??

Hello to you LilyRose!!
Great to see you. Don't forget that 5 days is a good thing! Looking forward to reading your posts. Hello to everyone else here too, hope you are all well,
P

[4theboyz]

AF Anyone??

Hello Lily!

Remember there are 7 days in a week - go for it!! :yougo:

[wakupmom]

AF Anyone??

Hello all my lovely friends at MWO.I am sorry that i haven't been as active as i would have liked.Its that i have not been at home very much.I am just fine not the a/f nesss that i would have liked ....but i have managed a few.It was so good to catch up with all the news.
Cuckoo.My Darlin, i was sorry to hear you are having some issues.I was however delighted that you are still there fighting(go Girl!!)Really hope the topamax works for you.Sending you a big hug xx

Prose,Well done on the A/F,Mods days.If that makes you feel better then long may it last.You are a fighter,and i love that,a huge hug to you too.xx

Fjones,I so understand the demonds in your head.They are awafull.The withdrawal is so hard.It is also common to go straight back to the level of drinking before abs,or even worse.Do not loose hart.We really do understand xx

Blue quad.Just love your insight into this hiddious addiction.Look forward to your post.Know that i am with you xx

4theboys,Welcome,Hope your weekend went well.That is a toughie xx
Noelle,Great to see you here on this thread.Hope all is well with you too. xx

Lilly Rose!!My darlin, I am so thrilled you have come back.I have thought about you often,How are the kiddies?and the move?So glad you you are here.It really doesn't matter if you are not meeting your expectations .WE ARE ALL HERE,WHEN EVER WHAT EVER XX
iF I HAVE LEFT ANY ONE OUT PLEASE FORGIVE ME XXX

Amelia,I so miss you xx