AF Anyone??

[diane52]

AF Anyone??

Hi all,
Still here at 5:02. About to get the dinner ready without my wine but with some self esteem and hope that I'll stay up through whatever movie the fam wants to watch tonight with out "falling asleep".
Patty, thanks for your insights and I really like the idea about the photos in strategic spots. I too am afraid of tomorrow and my failures yet to come but ODAT. So far so good today. I see myself in you, too.
Amelia,, I know you'll find the AF time you need. Thanks for saying I'm probably a good mum. Except for this, the wretched example I set, I truly am a good and loving mom. It is just so horrible to think that if my kids end up as alkies it will be my fault that I didn't do better and so then I think I am a selfish, and in this area I have been, mother who thought more of her own "pleasure" than of her children's future health. I don't mean to wallow at all. I'm trying to write it as it is. I can find lots of reasons for why I drank to excess, but when I got into the horrible mess - isn't it awful how you get there and you never even considered being there? - why didn't I get out sooner?
But the past is the past and I am here because of the future and I will try to let this go and not let it drive me into another night of drinking! I've done what I've done. As an late onset heavy drinker (didn't even have booze in the house much for me till I was 41, just was not an issue) I was so sure I could control it - so sure since I hadn't had a problem in youth that I really didn't have a problem. Ha!
Well enough about me for now. It feels so good to talk about it in this non judgemental way. Just trying to see things for what they are. Trying on the truth. I am going to be kind to myself. I am not drinking to night. I can't know about tomorrow so I better be prepared to forgive myself. I'm feeling so much better though as as much as I long for the bit of oblivion I so crave I am learning, with such non judgemental support I am finding here, to value this craving for health and lucidity more.
Dinner. Pellegrino!
Diane

[dcline]

AF Anyone??

Hello everyone,

Sounds like we all need each other more then ever now! I am happy to report that I'm off to a good start. My husband teased me for my month long preparation for my "sobriety diet" but it seems to be paying off. I started the day after Christmas faithfully taking the supplements, the topamax and listening to the CDs. I took that week off of work (thank God) to adjust. I also started WeightWatchers. After years of not missing a day of drinking, I was absolutely shocked to make it through a day and night with no alcohol. And I'm happy to say that it has been over a week and I'm still doing great. And I've lost 5 pounds! Please tell me it's not a dream. I was irritable the first few days but that is wearing off and I have to admit that I feel like the "old" me is back. I haven't felt this good for years. I even made it through New Years. I was so worried but so proud that I made it. We had promised friends to go out with them and I did order a glass of nice Chardonnay with dinner (by then everyone else was half trashed). AND GUESS WHAT? I didn't even finish the glass. I watched everyone else get drunk the rest of the night and wasn't even tempted for another drink. Patty, I feel like your twin. I'm a 44 year old mother of 3 (+3 step children) that developed a habit of drinking a glass of wine every night with dinner which turned into 1 beer + 1 glass of wine every night which turned into 1-2 beers + 2-3 glasses of wine (double glasses) + 1-3 gin and tonics (doubles as well). Not the role model I was shooting for. You said you're not sure why you drank so much. For me I'm pretty sure it was a coping mechanism... coping with the stress of work, finances, marriage, children and boredom (paradox I know). My goal is to return to moderation.... I keep thinking of RJ's analogy from her book regarding butter... do we think about having butter when we get home from work, do we have a little butter and can't stop, etc.

Happy New Year everyone - it's our year!!!

Debbie.

[SoCal Betsy]

AF Anyone??

It's almost 8:00 here and I haven't had a drink today. It hasn't been too hard considering how much wine I drank last night.
One of my children has a guitar teacher who comes to the house on Thursday nights and I completely forgot since we didn't see him during Christmas. When he rang the bell tonight I instinctively looked around for a wine glass to hide and felt like such a loser when I was relieved that I wasn't drinking and had nothing to hide. Tomorrow will feel better I'm sure.
Like Diane, I am constantly worried that I'm being a bad mom to my two boys - implying to them that drinking two bottles of wine is "normal".
I so desperately want to get this under control. Well, one day down....
and I successfully avoided the wine aisle at the grocery so I give myself a little pat on the back for that! I mixed cranberry juice and Diet 7Up and it was so refreshing. Now, if I can just do this tomorrow, and the next day, etc.

[hulagirl]

AF Anyone??

That is one of my challenges too, socal betsy, to make it past the wine aisle in the grocery store. You would not believe how many nights I went out for "bread', or "milk" when actually my intentions were to head straight for the beer and wine. I loved looking at all the labels, like an art gallery, and then think I'm making some sophisticated choice when actually I'd buy the next to the cheapest, what ever it was. Every day are challenges to meet and overcome until we get this figured out. Day 7 for me and I sure don't feel in control but I can give myself a little pat on the back too for being AF one more day.

[SoCal Betsy]

AF Anyone??

Abelltoday - Congratulations on a week AF. I'm looking forward to my day 7!

I noticed today that avoiding the wine aisle isn't that hard but there are wine displays all over the stores now! In the fruit section, by the cheese, under the seafood....UUGH!

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Maggie, I'm so happy to hear things have settled down. I have to get in to work so I don't have much time but know that I'm thinking of you and your family.

Cuckoo

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Good morning all, as I mentioned in the above post am running late for work and volunteer tonight at our local shelter so will post when I get home. I'm hanging in there and wishing each of you all the best in this struggle. Diane, dcline, socal, abell, hope to read your posts more thoroughly tonight. Take care and hang strong.

love to all
cuckoo

amelia, prose, wakup, cindi and everyone else will write more later. love you

[prose]

AF Anyone??

hi everyone,
WOW! I just read the last 2 pages here, I feel like I could be writing a couple of those posts, (unfortunately not the good progress parts though,) one of the things that haunts me almost constantly is the example I am setting for my kids, I was up for a couple of hours in the middle of the night worrying about that last night,
I love the idea of the family photos, just little reminders of one reason I don't want to go down this path anymore!
One of the "sayings" from women for sobriety is that the past is gone forever, or something like that, I have such a hard time letting go and sometimes I even tell myself that if I do quit drinking that will mean I will have to admit how much of the past with my kids I have screwed up, and that is almost more than I can take, and if I keep drinking, then that will mean that there really isn't such a bad problem and the past has been fine.
how is that for weird thinking? not sure if that even will make any sense to you all.
anyway, thanks for all inspiration everyone, I have to run too, but I am really not wanting to drink tonight, wish me luck, such a silly thing when you see it written out like that,
all my love to everyone, will check in later today, P

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

AF Anyone??

prose;249754 wrote: One of the "sayings" from women for sobriety is that the past is gone forever, or something like that, I have such a hard time letting go and sometimes I even tell myself that if I do quit drinking that will mean I will have to admit how much of the past with my kids I have screwed up, and that is almost more than I can take, and if I keep drinking, then that will mean that there really isn't such a bad problem and the past has been fine.
how is that for weird thinking?

P-
If I tell you that it makes PERFECT sense to me, would you feel as screwed up? Because that's exactly what I'd say to myself, too. And while I used to be a closet drinker, now I'm a closet non-drinker........... because if I go around and profess myself as "An Alcoholic", then I can't ever decide to drink in moderation around my friends and family without being judged.

[wakupmom]

AF Anyone??

Am Home!

Hello all !,
Can't believe there are so many that have joined us-Welcome xx.
Have just got back from hols,and have had a quick glance through.Hope vou guys are all well.and had a lovely christmass/new year.
I am well,had a fab break,very nice to get some sun.Just plodding through the washing/paperwork etc.I will have a more detailed look later,and reply in more depth,untill then my lovelies i wish you a very happy new year.Much love xx
A huge hug to Amelia,Cuckoo.Cindi.Prose,I have missed you all so much,and hope you have been taking care of yourselfs xxxx

[prose]

AF Anyone??

yeah! wakeupmom is back!!!!!!!
so glad to see you posting, and to hear that you had a nice time! Can't wait to hear more, we missed you wakeup, here's a huge hug at at you....P

[prose]

AF Anyone??

Hey Patty,
I knew from reading your first post here that we would somehow "connect", so much of what you wrote made so much sense to me, and thanks for saying that what I wrote made sense to you,
I have not told anyone what I am doing because like you , I don't want anyone to be watching and judging, mostly I don't think it is anyone's fricking business but my own,
so that is where I am right now.
I joined a gym at the end of November and they recommended an eating plan called "eating clean", I have just made a grocery list and am heading out to get what I need, I know everyone will find this hard to believe, but wine is NOT on the plan,
anyway I had been working out pretty hard but not seeing results, have to tackle the food part of it so will be af for a while.
I wasn't able to work out over the holidays because the gym was closed for about a week, then I got a horrible sinus cold, so the thought of exercise was not at the top of my list!
so, I figure today is as good as any to start with the new plan, I am actually excited about it, just the little glimmer of me having some control is giving me some hope,
remember Nancy Reagan and her 'just say no" campaign? I often think of that, sounds so easy but yet seems so hard....
anyway off to the grocery store and to do some other running around, need a new calendar so I know what day it is!
see you all in a bit, P

[planetjanet]

AF Anyone??

Hello Everyone,

Returning to MWO again from a nightmare of months of spiral down binge drinking and recognized some of you from either chatting and/or reading of your post. I was wondering if it okay that I join this thread, I think I might have awhile back, but my brain is so "wet" from drinking so much. Last night was AF Day 1 for me, it was hard for me especially when there was wine in the house, but phew I did it. I am r eally hoping that I will be able to achieve my goal of 30 days and from the history of my drinking, it looks as though it will be FOREVER!!! I have lost way too much for me to even consider moderating, it's just way too risky and exhausting on my mental and physical well being. I am also going to work on myself and working out the quarks in my life, being sober is just one things I need to achieve but I know that I just need to stay as focused in this because this is just one life, this is no dress rehearsal!!! :upset:

Good news, I will be running a 10K this weekend and will start my training in hopes to run the Los Angeles marathon, which will really keep busy and healthy. I start my new job on Monday, which is anxiety for me because this is one of a million of jobs I am starting AGAIN because I either got fired for calling sick(hangovers), lies about family deaths (that makes me cringe with nausea when I think of that), or quit because I was just riddled with guilt of how badly I felt for the lies and time being out, which is what I did at my last job. Which is why I am having such panic attacks because I fear that if I pick up, I will be right back where I started and right now my life is not that bad, it's only bad when I drink.

Anywho, well I have blah blah too much. Thank you for reading my message and I look forward to reading about your progress.

Thanks,
Janet :h

[Long Road]

AF Anyone??

10K

PJ,

You really are serious about doing the 10K! Bravo!

I like long distance (time to Think), but doing a full marathon whould now be beyond me.

But you go for it!

David

[fjones]

AF Anyone??

Hi All and Amelia thanks for the message. I am now 14 days AF and 24 days minus 8 hours. Still depressed but have taken a bit of action. I need to make a list of all the posters on this message list so I don't forget anyone and will tell of the actions taken which might help others. Tomorrow I will have time to read the posts and catch up.

Happy New Sober 2008 to you all.