AF Anyone??

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

A journey of imagination

I hope everyone is moving forward into February commited and happy with their progress.

I came home to a delivery (from India) of Camprosate(Campral) which I ordered about a month ago. I looked at the package and thought of it's journey from Mumbai in India to London, then finally to me. It costs 36 rupees per 6 tablet (.98 cnd) in India. I paid $180. US for 180 tabs. I can't get Campral in Canada so I decided to order it from oversea's and much to my surprise, it arrived...and I havn't taken any.

I came to the conclusion , that thus far I've made it on hope and trust and my connection with this group, and I wonder if all of these "medical" or "chemical" soloutions are absouloutly necessary. Do we trade one crutch for another. Is this the trade off? In the last 20 years or so I have tried everything from Antabuse, to Revia(Naltrezone) to Topamax to an odd assortment of anti-depressants. A chemical stew of sorts.

My imagination has kept me going. What else do we have when our bodies force us to sleep at 10 pm because we have 8 beers, or a bottle and a half of winw or 3 Martini's or more likley all of the above. Time time to think....clearly..to imagine the possibilities.

This month, one thing became abundantly clear. The longer I keep alcohol out of my body, the smarter-quicker-more rational I become. It's as if I just got a special pair of glasses to see life more clearly. With that comes peace, a feeling that perhaps I won't end up like some of the people I see on the street, dead eyed, hopeless souls.

I sense that the people who post here are articulate, motivated, intelligent, quite functional and probably very succesfull in their chosen careers...as long as they stay sober.

We all want to be happy, We want be loved by those we love, respected by those we respect and it is imperative that we remember and cherish every second we spend on this journey....together.

Gary

[cuckoosnest83]

AF Anyone??

Prose, welcome back. Hope you enjoyed the trip.

Newlife, I agree with diane about the quotes. I too find them inspirational.

Wakupmom hope your weekend is great.

Bluequad, I love this part of your post "My imagination has kept me going. What else do we have when our bodies force us to sleep at 10 pm because we have 8 beers, or a bottle and a half of winw or 3 Martini's or more likley all of the above. Time time to think....clearly..to imagine the possibilities." It is so true.

To everyone else, Amelia, Cindi, Socal, Planetjanet, Maasai, and all those I may have forgotten to mention, enjoy your day. I plan on a hike in the woods because it is suppose to be quite a nice day.

love to all,
Cuckoo

[kaddy]

AF Anyone??

hi all am jackie and am on day 12,,,,done 6 mouth last time but had slip so all sorprt well come,,,sorry about spelling

[maasai]

AF Anyone??

count me in Amelia i dont mind another month under my belt am in

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Hello All,
Am doing Ok. Didn't make my Day 4 however. I had a glass of wine on the way home from work. And one yesterday, which my partner doesn't know about.
Once I got home and knew I couldn't have any(because my partner was here) I didn't think about it. I know my thinking is all screwed up about this at the moment.
But, I guess my partner being AF is keeping me in check somewhat which is a good thing.
What I will say though is that I have had a very stressful time lately (no excuse I know).

Newlife, I really like the quotes that you are posting...especially the one by Doris Olds!!

Hey Wakeupmom, I think I will take the time to do the same as you and read right through the thread. Probably be interesting to see how we have moved on or changed in some way. Hope everything is going well with your cherubs and work etc.
Yes, I get really peeved if I type a post and lose it. I now type long ones in word and copy and paste......could save losses in the future. xx

Cuckoo, thanks for the naturopatch link.Sleep deprivation is a killer!! Glad to see that you are moving on up with your AF days. Give Cody a huge big hug for me and enjoy your walk in the woods!

Planetjanet, so happy to see you are on Day 5/6 now ,feeling great and gaining more insight into yourself. Are you doing all the supps and topa too? I am not sure about the topa anymore, I feel like I get 'anxious' when taking it??.....

Betsy, wow, I am envious of the 5lbs too. Are you exercising at all or just watching what you eat etc? I am getting back to the gym as soon as we get settled in our new town!! xx

Maasai, great going on your AF days. No wonder you are feeling so good.
I hope you are not caught up in the troubles in Kenya at the moment. I read about the situation almost daily in the papers here in the UK. Very frightening situation.

Prose, honey, thank you for your last post. I appreciate your comments. I hope everything is going smoothly for you and your AF goals. xxxx

Bluequad, I am really enjoying your positive and uplifting posts. You sound so happy and grounded. I know what you mean about substituting one chemical for another. However, I do think that if the chemical, whether it be topa or something other, if initially, it helps to break a cycle or habit, then perhaps it is beneficial.
But, I also agree, that the biggest battle is in our minds!!!

Diane52, honey I hope you have managed to do some of those tasks you talked about without the wine. Bloody hard I know. But, we have to keep on persisting. xxx

Welcome Kaddy (Jackie)!! Great to have you here. Keep us posted on your progress.

Writeit and Jupiter, how are you both getting on?

Hello to anyone else I may not have mentioned.
Love to you all
x

[SoCal Betsy]

AF Anyone??

Amelia - I haven't been exercising until last night. I was trying to keep myself "occupied" because my kids weren't home so I rearranged the furniture (a couple of times - hence the exercise). Then, disaster struck. I decided that the fireplace mantel needed some fresh flowers so off to the grocery I went and came home with two bottles of wine also.
The flowers look great but my head...not so good.
Am starting over again today with a shorter goal - just the rest of the weekend AF and then go from there.

I hope you and everyone else has a good weekend.

Betsy

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Betsy, I just love it (the exercise)!! We are in the process of moving at the moment and I am dreading moving all the furniture. I am sure my partner and I will share more than one or two cross words.
Hope you have a good weekend too.

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

Time differance

Amelia, it's 10:58 Saturday here in Vancouver , I never get up this early on a Saturday,
and certain would't be sitting here able to compose a post if I had been up to my usual antics on a Friday night. I know that it's 7:00 pm in London, a particularily challenging part of the day for all of us, but I want to tell you that you are my inspiration to keep going and I will be thinking about you as I head into my day. I will be going out with friends this evening who plan to party and dance all night. Coping with all this will crequire me to amass all I have learned from posts like yours, and all those who call this site a second home, and put all that experience to good use. Thanks.
No matter what you do, know that we all love and support you, and empathize with you.

Moving is tough but change comes from it.
All the very best, give yourself a hug.

Gary

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Gary, thank you.
You are an amazingly strong person. Have a wonderful night. You are my inspiration at this present moment.
Have a great time.

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

Amelia, Thank you for kind words. I am not as strong as you think.

Friendship make prosperity more shining and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it.
Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), On Friendship, 44 B.C.

Together we can beat this. Together will will re-shape our lives.


I hope you had a wonderfull evening , and remember tommorow will be the best day ever!!


Gary

[bluequad]

AF Anyone??

Painfull

Just got home from an evening out with friends. We went to the Four Seasons for cocktails, there was about 15 of us. I managed quite well on my 3 NA Becks, a v rather tasty product I might add....if you like beer. I had lucid conversations with people whom I wouldn't normally want to get to know, and discovered that I listen more when I'm sober in a social situation. But here's the kicker, we then moved on.
I just got home, without my girlfriend ( who was rather tipsy, whom I left dancing at a nightclub we frequent on occasion, with 4 of her girlfriends, all rather drunk. I left because I couln't dance, and I love to dance(when I'm drunk) I left because I felt like I was at a high school dance, too shy to move, when normally I would have been ripping up the floor.
I also left because I couldn't stand listening to my slurring, boozy breathed girlfriend. And that makes me sad. Because 30+ days ago I wouldn't have cared. It puts things in perspective. How often have I been the slurring drunk while my girlfriend, ex-wife and family put up with me . Shows how much they they tried to love me.
What do I do now.... ?

[wakupmom]

AF Anyone??

Hi Bluequad,
Just logged on to catch up with the news.Loved reading your posts,very insightfull,so thankyou for that.
As far as your experience,last night was concerned i think some cogratualtions are in order as you remained a/f dispite what must have been a trying time.I can understand the reflection completely as i do the same myself.The" Whats it all about" thing,and all i can say to you is this is normal for us,who live with that costant soul searching ,trying to find our peace.You are going through some life changes,a journey.Yes your nearest do love you.Take the positive from that.Your worth it.What to do ....well i would say to you my friend that you have done soo well.Just ride it and see how you feel the next time you go out,with even more sobriety,and self discovery.Your confidence restored so you can Dance!! xx

Amelia,Hope your move goes well,and the arguments are few.I am sure for you that this could be the new beging.New home,new location,new you.I know it is bloody stressfull,everthing out of controll for a while,but really hope this fresh enviroment will be the happiest,and you too find some lovely inner peace.Take care darlin,and keep us posted when you can. xx

Cuckoo,Cindi,Diane,Janet,Betsy.Hope you are all well. xx

Good this end by the way still alive and kicking!! xx

[wakupmom]

AF Anyone??

Hello to Prose too,How was your Hols? xx

Please forgive me if i have missed any one xx

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Hey Gary, wow, the Four Seasons.....sounds damn good to me!!
What do you do now?............
Well it depends on a lot of things. Your night sounded fantastic to me. Now I know it has been a LONG time since I went out with a group of people and danced and this would definately have involved alcohol. In fact I don’t know if I have ever been in a social situation and danced without drinking. However I have been at home on numerous occasions (alone) and danced the roof off and really enjoyed it (ie, wasn’t worried about anyone judging me) I fancy myself as someone who can follow a beat etc etc.

Your leaving the club because you felt uncomfortable, is something completely seperate to your girlfriend staying. You haven’t mentioned yet that she has a problem with booze, so I am assuming that she doesn’t.
Which would then lead me to say that perhaps you were slightly envious that she could let go and have a few but you could not??

Your night sounded great, you enjoyed having lucid conversations with people (that is one of the best things about going to a party sober – I have experienced it and it is great!!!) Yet you worry about what your girlfriend is doing having fun with her girlfriends....

I don’t know if I am getting it right or getting it wrong here because I don’t know enough about you really.
What I do know from reading your posts is that you are intelligent, sensitive, newly abstinent (and really enjoying it)

You know what having a drinking problem means and how it manifests itself.
If your girlfriend is doing anything that looks like she has a drinking problem, then I can understand your angst.
However, maybe you are just getting used to your new perspective on your own AF world...and that is not your girlfriends fault.
X

[AMELIA]

AF Anyone??

Hey Wakeupmom, thanks for the well wishes for our move.
My god, if you could see the boxes!! Boxes, boxes everywhere.....
Things are going quite well. Had another 'sitting' today with my partners father and the painting is really beginning to take shape.
I loved this sitting. I felt really relaxed and calm - which is ALL good.
Hope you are doing well darling. Thinking of you.
xxxxx