Support from Wives Mothers please?

[Yoplait]

Hi all,

I am new. I hope this is okay. I just want to lay out my feelings and I am hoping that some of you will identify so I don't feel so alone.

I am going to buy the book and cd's today. I tried another program, 7 ----- to Sob---ty and I thought it was good but I only followed through for about 10 days. (That was the longest I've gone w/out drinking w/the exception of pregnancy for 10 years.) I am hoping that these hypnosis cd's will help me be more consistent. (I lack in the "following through" with things area.)

I am tired of alcohol controlling and pulling on me. I am tired of needing it. As sneaky as I think I am I'm sure there are plenty of people in my community who know I have a major problem. It's embarrassing but then I tell myself, no one really knows how much you drink and do it all over again. Or, I think, I'll have just ONE drink and then proceed to drink a whole bottle of wine or more if I have it. I've taken to not keeping more than one bottle in the house at a time because I know I will down it. So every day I go to the store and buy ONE bottle. Every 4 days or so I buy a 6 pack. These are supposed to be my husbands but I end up adding 1-3 to my drinking every day or so - just for a little extra buzz. Then of course I have to replace them because they are my husbands. He only drinks 1 beer about every two weeks.

He is a patient and good man and I don't know how he's gone so many years without getting in my face about this but the other day he finally looked at me (we were talking--I THOUGHT I was pulling it off grandly) and said, You are wasted. You're wasted. And he just looked at me....

I am a health nut in all ways but this. Yesterday I drank too much coffee and got sick. He said, you are such a healthy person but you continue to drink coffee when you know it's not good for you. You are falling apart with your liquids. I know what he meant.

He works really long hours. Sometimes he comes home and just looks at me. I know he's disgusted. Then we just go to sleep.

I never (almost never) get a hangover. Sometimes I marvel out how I manage not to get a hangover so I don't even have that to punish me but I do feel ashamed and disgusted every morning and I vow not to "do it" again today - but I do.

I'm ashamed to say, but I just love the numbing effect of my wine. It gets me through the day/evening. I have managed to back off to "after 4:00" hours. This is what I call moderation. Making one bottle of wine last 4 hours. Numbing me from kids bickering, my husband who doesn't say anything about my drinking really but expects a lot in every other area of performance, housekeeping, business running, kid running, etc.

As much as I love it, I hate it. I want to be a better mom. I don't help my kids with their homework as well as I could. I often don't put my babies in their jammies, I just put them to bed in their clothes. I'm tense, stressed out, overwhelmed, lonely and I miss my husband. I feel very helpless in dealing with my children. Two are young teens and two are toddlers.

I really identified with someones thread about mental release here. Thank you for reading and does anyone have any words for me?

[lushy]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Hi Yoplait,

You have come to the right place. We all understand. I relate to many things in your story, as will a lot of people here. Keep posting and reading. I promise you will get the support you need! :welcome:

[Guest]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Hi Yoplait and welcome.
Well, if you`re sometimes putting your toddlers to bed in their clothes you must certainly have too much on your plate and feel overwhelmed. O.K., you drink, and that`s making you fall short of being the wife and mum you would like to be. I think the best place to start would be to get "Mr.One Beer a Fortnight", to get his finger out and stop expecting you to be Super Woman.

He discreetly criticizes your drinking, but perhaps the both of you should sit down and discuss all that`s causing you to drink........for starters, you shouldn`t be made to feel lonely when you have a hubby.........talk to him, tell him what help you need as regards the kids etc.......get all your grievances out in the open and work from there.

If you wholeheartedly want to quit drinking, then M.W.O. is the place to be. Many of us here drank to "escape" from everyday stresses and strains and are now learning to deal with life without using drink as a welcome release at the end of yet another trying day.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[Determinatrix]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Yoplait,

I am the wife of Determinator, and he has succeeded with MWO. It sounds like you have a husband who is attempting to balance his concern for your health and his family with his disappointment and anger of having the inability to fix this. He has no choice but to watch, hope to inspire you to be the best wife and mother you can be, and fill the holes you are not able. This can be upsetting, frustrating, depressing, and make one angry. As someone who has been in his shoes, I can probably guess that he feels as alone as you do.

Being honest with him is the biggest step, not only because it requires you to be honest with yourself, but because he won't feel like such an outsider to your world. Ask him for help. Explain what you believe he can help you with. Make small goals. Explain that you will not always do this gracefully. Make no promises. This is a slow change towards a new lifestyle. You can have it if you want it. It won't be easy. What's great about this site is that we immediately accept that you are worth it.

Read as much as you can. Share with us. The people here are so wonderfully supportive. This is do-able.

Dx

[Yoplait]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Determinatrix;198010 wrote: Yoplait,

I am the wife of Determinator, and he has succeeded with MWO. It sounds like you have a husband who is attempting to balance his concern for your health and his family with his disappointment and anger of having the inability to fix this. He has no choice but to watch, hope to inspire you to be the best wife and mother you can be, and fill the holes you are not able. This can be upsetting, frustrating, depressing, and make one angry. As someone who has been in his shoes, I can probably guess that he feels as alone as you do.

Being honest with him is the biggest step, not only because it requires you to be honest with yourself, but because he won't feel like such an outsider to your world. Ask him for help. Explain what you believe he can help you with. Make small goals. Explain that you will not always do this gracefully. Make no promises. This is a slow change towards a new lifestyle. You can have it if you want it. It won't be easy. What's great about this site is that we immediately accept that you are worth it.

Read as much as you can. Share with us. The people here are so wonderfully supportive. This is do-able.

Dx

:thanks: You are right on.

[jane jane]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Yoplait, my children are older than your babies, but otherwise your brave first post could have been written by me!

Oh, how often I have seen that same look on my husband's face---his disappointment, his astonishment at just how loopy I could be, all the while I was smugly fantasizing about being so cogent and clear-headed! Been right there with you, darling.

You sound like the classic high-functioning drinker. So was/am I! Deadlines met, lovely meals hostessed, child well raised, no DUI arrests---the works! But, like you, I am vaguely aware that friends probably think I tipple a little more---oKAY a lot more---than I should. First to arrive and have a glass, the last to leave (with a go-cup)! And oh, girlie, how I used to chuckle when recipes would call for "leftover wine"---like there'd EVER be any "leftovers" around here!

God bless us every one for identifying that we have a problem, and doing something about it. We're probably all gonna relapse here and there (this is statistics, not pessimism) but we'll also pick ourselves back up and get back on track. We owe it to ourselves, and to those we love. But---those loved ones owe it to US to remember that, in Shakespeare's words, "the quality of mercy is not strained, but falleth like a gentle rain from Heaven." No alcoholic was ever cured by being screamed at, threatened, or given an ultimatum. The desire to be free of this seductive false lover (wine etc.) must originate within. God (or whatever) be with you, Yoplait! You'll find some wise, funny, sincere, flawed folk here, who will see you through. Keep posting!

[look]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Hi Youplait,Welcome ,hang with these guys,we've all been going/thru this.It's a real good crutch at the very least. Tslk to you later

[newjen]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Hi Yoplait, I was just logging on to post about my hubby (will do in a different thread) I only found this site a couple of days ago and have been inspired so much - I actually now WANT to stop drinking when before I just knew I should. I have ordered the book and cant wait to read it as I think (hope) it will be my saviour.

Hang in there, the support on this site is overwhelming - sending hugs ((()))

[Yoplait]

Support from Wives Mothers please?

Thank you all for your words. I really appreciate them. It helps to have people listening that understand.

I have only my wonderful "obnoxious" tee-totaler parents to talk to about private issues. They despise drinkers/drinking in a really unrealistic kind of way. They think it's a sin.

I have lots of questions and will be checking back.