How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

[Phoenix74]

...until you go AF, then drink again, but drink yourself back to wherever you were when you decided you had a problem????????????


I'M CONFOUNDED!

Help. Really felt like having a couple of drinks this past two hours. It's the weekend, worked hard, great week, chillin' out all quiet on the western front, might light the fire and settle down to watch a good fill-um as we say over here.

Talked to hubby bout my thoughts. Told him I'd love to have a few drinks. Told him the thing stopping me was worrying that I might have too many. That I'd like a few tomorrow night too.
That if I liked a few on Sunday night I'd be in a foul humour for work on Mon morn.

He reckons I just lack sense. He doesn't mean i'm stupid. He just knows that so often I sit there reading and watching something i'm engrossed in and however long i'm there I have a drink with me.

He reckons it's as simple really as this: have a drink, or two, or three even, just don't have 7 or 8...

I really don't know what to do. Could it be that I'm just too carelessly self-indulgent or is this what all problem drinkers are vis a vis drink anyway?

How can i know whether I have to be an abstainer altogether or if I can moderate?
Did you guys go on gut feeling?
Does one only find out by trial and error?

Thanks everyone

lease:


B

[bootcampbarbie]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

i think if you have to really think alot about alcohol then there is an issue. because i know my husband is a "normie" he doesn't ever think about alcohol. it doesn't occur to him to think about alochol. he doesn't wonder if he should have a drink or not have one moderate or af. he's fine to do whatever i need for support cuz he doesn't have a problem with alcohol. i however do. i can take a drink anytime i'm in public and limit it to two or three. but at home forget about it. it's slug the bottle time. sit there anywhere and have a glass in hand. always. so it is a physical craving that at least the meds takes away. the mental obsession well that is called addict. there are people who can do mods successfully. i know overtime though that mods is called slipping for me not truly a way of life. but that's just the boots story

[Accountable for Me]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Hmmm.... I know your confusion and have been there myself. The only thing I can suggest is maybe try moderation? Have the two/three glasses of wine or whatever. If you feel you cannot shutter down after that, then maybe you need to abstain.

I felt at a loss when I gave it up and went into panic mode as you are going through right now. Ultimately for me, I am not a moderator. I tried, and whammo I was drunk. So right back to AF I went. I honestly do not miss it for the life of me. It has brought nothing good into my life and honestly I cannot even remember the last time I actually 'enjoyed' a drink - years ago I am guessing. Being AF is a lot more fun and you feel a lot better!

Ultimately it is your decision. I think we all need to test the waters first to see whether we can moderate or not. But like I said, this is up to you because only you know what is truly right for you.

[Phoenix74]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

I see what you're saying Boots but amn't I just thinking so much about it because I decided I had / have a problem and went AF and have been not drinking?
And now am wondering if I'm just like all the other people who go out (or stay in) at the weekend Fri or Sat nights and enjoy a few drinks?

I didn't used to drink a bottle of wine every night, or a bottle of vodka.
I eat dinner at work every day so my evening meal consists of beans on toast or something light like that. Hubby always told me I wouldn't have trouble having 2 3 or 4 drinks any night if I had dinner in the evenings instead of at one pm.

I'd have anywhere from 2 to 4 drinks usually every second night, and maybe 5/6/7 on a Fri or Sat night and then not the next day either... DUNNO. Am I in a river in Egypt?

Is there such a thing as getting into careless habit, and that being just it - bad habit to be taken seriously and broken?

[Cinders]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Bootsie and Phoenix,

For me the same way. No off switch when I am at home, period. Actually, none at the hotel bars when I am traveling!! (Kind of dangerous, when you get right down to it.)

I really and truly wish I could moderate but know in my heart of hearts that it is not in my cards. Once I start drinking, I can't sip, I swallow, and then I want another as quickly as possible and then it's all over.

So, Phoenix, I guess you will have to look at your drinking past and really determine if mods is possible for you. None of us can advise you, only you can decide.

That's the Cindi story.

[bootcampbarbie]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

well, i don't know actually if the number of drinks matters as much as how do you feel about it. because i know people that have plenty of drinks and don't give one flying hoot about it. then i know some that have two drinks and just say hey i have to stop this. so it is an individual choice. you have to decide what is right for you. only you can. to drink or not to drink that is the question and only you and you and make that choice as to what will bring you happiness. so is drinking and the after effects making you a happy girl? and i love the nile. just not deeeeeee nillleeeeeee. that is a rap song. now come swim with us at sponge bob's.

[Finding My Self]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Phoenix - I am so with you on your last sentence on your second post (can't seem to do quotes!!) I still wonder if mine wasn't a bad habit got into in a very stressful time and with total naivety about what could happen...... BUT, I don't have the courage/lifes-style to test the waters! I know I got into heavy drinking coz of loneliness, boredom, stress about money and adrenal exhaustion....the ony thing that's changed is that the adrenals are ok now (and were before my habit escalated). And I don't want to drink (a) alone or (b) coz I NEED a drink..... so, stuffed there! Coz all 5 things are still there so I wont.

I also go with the idea that focussing on not drinking turns drink into a full-time thought process so.... But in 'better' times, would it be? I just don't know but I've got to be thinking of lots of other good things first and realise it's not my #1 thought. And if I take that drink have it as a real decision and not a whim..... I'd post it here!!

But I do agree that I suppose the only way to find out is to try it - but having made sure that none of the old excess triggers are around. (And a heavy dose of memory around what the next morning could be like!! I don't fancy that!)

Good luck Phoenix - I guess get a really good period of AF in place first though.

Love FMF xx (117 days and staying chicken!!)

[bloggy]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Hi :l

Just saw your post in the other thread, then this one, so will reply in this one as it's newer.

As the more experienced AF ers and Moderators say is you won't know till you try.

So go for it girl, see if you can have a glass or two. The problem is your husband said he thinks 'it would be ok' - they have no idea.

I have a very good female friend who was a hopeless alcoholic- six years ago she had a brain enuerysm and forgot she was alcoholic, her husband is a completely total alcoholic too, but she encourages him "just to go out for a few drinks or else he gets bored".

Needless to say he finally gets picked up by the police absolutely slaughtered (he is in his late 60s, and Irish BTW she is mortified and can't understand why he does it, and the whole sorry story continues. You know what you can sensibly take, your husband has no idea about this, he does not have a problem.

But I think you should try mods, or else you won't know, will you?

My bestest, nicest thoughts for you and your husband

Love Marby

[Finding My Self]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Phoenix - Not plugging me (God forbid!!! And I mean that - I'm cringing!), I've just had a brief canter through an old post I did in Long Term Mods a month ago.... similar question to yours so............ Added my thoughts there on 'progress-to-date'.... Just in case it helps any!
Love FMF xx

[nancy]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

So are you saying that you drink to pass the time? I know for a lot of people on this site, drinking is about relieving problems. so that is not the case for you?

Is 6-7 drinks your max? do you black out?

I think it is possible that this can be a habit. I guess even with a habit you have withdrawal when you stop a behavior. Why not get some good time under your belt and THEN see if you can moderate, if at all. 30 days for example? three months? really crack the habit, if that is all it is.

i think there is an element of habit in this for all of us, all ranges of problems. However, you also need to think about the things that happen when things go wrong. if they are severe (eg DUIs., domestic abuse), a severe correction strategy is needed.
Also, i would be careful of asking your husband's permission. it sounds like you want him to say yes, and as someone who doesn't have a problem he may just give you what you want. but it's up to what you want for yourself in the end.

[Finding My Self]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Phoenix - wow, you've got some good advice here! (Is DUI driving under the influence or am I way out!?)

I was thinking about you when I woke up (!) and realised I felt a bit tentative about it but was going to put my size 11 foot in it anyway....
I really, really think you need to get a longer stint of AF under your belt before trying to mod. It really was 75 days or so (looking back) before I felt the stuff was truly out of my system. I am sure if I had started mod-ing earlier I would have lost the plot.

And yes, do make it YOUR choice coz if it doesn't work out you'll be blaming your hubby big time ('s ok - it's just the way it would be) and that wont help the whole shebang at all!!!

We're all different and I so wish you luck and wisdom but felt I just had to say it. Hope yo udon't mind! I just care - you've done so well. (And if you had one last night I really hope it was ok and good!)

Love and hug
FMF xx

[Phoenix74]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Hey FMF
just logged on and trying to sort out scraping myself upright off tha couch with a pain in my hip so i'll be back in a jiffy if you're still here

[bootcampbarbie]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

well phoenix did you make it through the nite

[Phoenix74]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Hello ladies

I just hit a wrong key and lost my reply post DAMN. So this is what's taking me so long.

Here I go again so.
Well I DID break my AF run last night. When I saw your replies this morning FMF and Nancy I have to say I wish in one way I had hung on and gotten a long AF stint in b4 testing.

So I had 2. Bottles.





kidding :H

I had two vodkas and oranges whilst i caught up on three episodes of Lost (I missed season three have four episodes left to watch b4 season four starts). I feel grand physically today. I didn't have any more than two. And funnily enough, it took me ages to make the second one, and as soon as i had started it, i thought "jeepers you don't even really want this you could as easily have toddled off to bed", but i didn't want to stop watching one third into the episode. What a flake I am.

Mentally, I feel like i let myself down a bit. Did I? Should I have automatically understood that you need a big stretch of AF a this?

Incidentally, I'm not looking for DRINK or anything today. I'm actually incredibly tired for someone who went to bed at midnight, slept soundly and didn't wake 'til nearly ten am. That's brill. When I used over-drink, I'd be up between half 3 and half 4 to go loo, or with headache, and then barely sleep after that.
I never think i look pale what with these ruddy cheeks (on my face!!!) but I thought this afternoon I looked wretchedly pale and worn. Hubby thinks so too.

Now I'm wondering how I can look a fright after two drinks and a great sleep, or if i'm coming down with something. Or if this is my weekend tiredness after intense work every week , but it's not being obscured by a blamed hangover headache and two solpadeine...

FMF More shed stories will follow How'd last evening go?
Marby how did last night go at work? How's the moderating going?



Hey bootsie, just to say I certainly did, but with 2 on board. Feel like a bold girl in the confessional, except I don't have to make up sins to tell the priest, like when i was a child lol

[bloggy]

How Will You Ever Know U CAN Moderate until

Hi!

Maybe you will be able to moderate??

You can certainly try.

I was quite pleased with my own moderation efforts this week, until yesterday--I blame my few beers a night on that I am doing a job where I am quite fed up, have to put up with bad manners and people I don't want to put up with etc, and the fact that I have become accustomed to having a few beers here at a certain time would make it quite difficult for me to stop.

I am finishing this job on the 30th September- I know from when I gave up smoking I was able to finally do so after a big change of routine, so I have decided to make my first work free day also my first AF day- hoping the total routine change will help.

Last night I had a night off, so I went with my BF to Barcelona, he went off to look at techie stuff, so I went to look at the clothes shops. Well it was about 7 in the evening, and i decided it would be nice to visit a couple of my favourite bars in the area (I love sitting in strange bars by myself- Yeah, wierd I know, and the more seedy they are the more I like them )

Anyway by the time we met and went for some food I totalled my drinks to 7. Which is a little too many to be described as moderation I think.

I have just taken the kudzu, have taken 2 tabs at once which makes 300 mg, maybe that will help tonight.

Hope you are feeling better- sounds like you might have caught something.

Marby x