First time here, 13th hour without wine...

[littlewheel]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Thanks Cindi!

db2fromala;199387 wrote: Littlewheel,

I was posting while you were.

It does seem corny, the one day at a time approach, but that is where it is.

One day at a time. In the beginning, one hour at a time.

I, too, have been drinking since I was 16. I am 50.

Looking into the future is too hard and daunting. Don't do it. Look in little spaces of time. Address the short term for now.

First things first. Pamper yourself. If you are physically addicted, consider going to a doctor to be evaluated for withdrawal. Read the section about alcohol withdrawals to make sure you are okay there.

Take care of yourself physically first.
Cindi

Thanks Cindi :thanks:
I will get through tonight, then maybe in the morning go to a medical centre (pretty anonymous) and ask for some advice there...I am scared to replace booze with something else like valium as a false-crutch...I can handle the sweats and shakes as long as they aren't forever...I hope that after I sleep tonight I will wake up more able to think straight...I have to make a decision when I have gotten over this first hangover...do you know how long the alcohol stays in your system? Is it like other drugs storing in fat?

littlewheel

[littlewheel]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Thanks Starlight!

Starlight Impress;199395 wrote: Don`t be embarassed about your drinking littlewheel........we`ve all been there.

You did 6 days before...........says you can most certainly do it this time around.

As for the "auto pilot".........just tell yourself you`re bigger and tougher than it.........I promise it gets easier every day.

Starlight Impress x

:thanks: Starlight
I will just keep coming here and reading when I get the urge...I have you guys to remind me if I start to slip and con myself to "just have one glass"...
littlewheel

[betty boop]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Littlewheel, have you got anything herbal to help you sleep? My first AF nights were difficult as I couldn't sleep. The shakes and sweats do get better though ......

Hang in there and keep coming back to us .....

[littlewheel]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

My new mantra is "Don't Buy It" and "I am allergic to wine"

Starlight Impress;199390 wrote: Hi littlewheel and welcome.
I was exactly as you are now..........the first thing you have to do is tell yourself that there is no such a thing as going "onto total auto pilot to buy alcohol" unless we`re not of sound mind...........that`s yet another EXCUSE (one of my old favourites too)..........there`s no auto pilot involved here.........it`s simply the drunk in you who is buying the wine........get your head around this truth and you`re on your way.

Put very simply.........if you don`t buy it.........you can`t drink it. Am not suggesting it`s easy not to buy.........best to shop where alcohol isn`t sold for the first few days. You`ve got yourself drinking as a reward for doing well at something and drinking as a commiseration for anything in life not going so well.........I drank every night, due to the very same excuses as yours.

Evidently, you are sick of this lifestyle and want to change........that change all starts the first night you don`t bring wine home.

You`ll find wonderful support here.
Wishing you love and strength for the journey ahead,

Starlight Impress x

Starlight
I am going to repeat and repeat "Don't Buy It" to myself. Little things will get me through this.
Thanks,
littlewheel

[Cinders]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Littlewheel,

As for the L-Glut, I take it on an empty stomach and it doesn't hurt it, I have a very sensitive tummy, too.

I don't know about the others. I guess read the labels.

Be strong and pamper yourself.

Cindi

[Guest]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

I`ll be perfectly honest, littlewheel..........initially, I would break out in a cold sweat at the thought of returning home for the evening without wine.......it really was torture, which is why I recommend shopping where it`s not sold. Am 57 days sober today and can happily saunter through the wine aisle in the supermarket without being in the least tempted to buy..........I have no wish to return to my former poor excuse for a life.

First week will see you through withdrawal........wouldn`t worry about becoming dependent on anything your doc prescribes to help with withdrawal..........anything addictive is only prescribed for the short-term, to ensure you are in no danger as the alcohol leaves your system.

Starlight Impress x

[OverIt2007]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Hi LittleWheel. Is that Henry Rollins on your avitar? I love Henry Rollins! I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Everyone here has some issues with alcohol otherwise we would not be here! This is a great place for support, and self reflection. It may seem like there is no way out for you right now, but dont give up the fight, because YOU deserve better!

[littlewheel]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

I know, it is heavy...i would blackout and that was bedtime

Starlight Impress;199401 wrote: Well, 2 btls/wine at 14% every night is rather heavy.

I was embarassed to consult doc, but I did..........he was very understanding and said the drink can seize hold of any of us. Doc will give you meds to ensure you withdraw safely.

How much were you drinking before you did the 6 days AF and did you do cold turkey then?
I decided to do cold turkey, but by that time, I had cut down to a nightly btl of 12% wine, so withdrawal was safe for me, although still tough.

Like today, prior to the first try at 6 day cold turkey withdrawal I was up to 2 bottles a night, blackout was bedtime, I would not remember getting into bed...sometimes (like with last night) I could only plot my last conscious moment by going back the morning after and looking at the t.v guide to try to remember which show I last was conscious of...the same with a book...I would just not remember the last chunk of whatever book I was reading...so sad. I am thinking that I will need the doctors visit as a way to force myself to have to check in with someone...the last 10 years of my life have been ruled by booze...every relationship changed by it...every bad decision...there is so much regret...does that ever go? I have really messed alot of my life up...education, long term relationships...
I can do the 2 bottles of wine and not throw up because my tolerance is just monster-size I guess...that is scary, because I would be blacked-out, but then not throwing up the next day...
Anyway, I have not had any alcohol tonight, and I won't be buying any tonight, so I look forward to waking up in the morning not feeling dehydrated and trying to piece together the bruises and blackouts...
Starlight Impress, How much/often did you drink before you went down to a bottle a night?
littlewheel

[littlewheel]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Yeah It's Henry!

OverIt2007;199425 wrote: Hi LittleWheel. Is that Henry Rollins on your avitar? I love Henry Rollins! I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Everyone here has some issues with alcohol otherwise we would not be here! This is a great place for support, and self reflection. It may seem like there is no way out for you right now, but dont give up the fight, because YOU deserve better!

Hey,
It is Henry Rollins He is my sober-life inspiration. Thanks for the kind words.
littlewheel

[bloggy]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Hi LittleWheel

I too was too embarrassed to go to a doctor, but after waking up in May this year on a rubbish dump, I decided I had to.

To be honest he wasn't much help- by the time I had got to him the horrendous initial hangover had passed (I could not have got there while I had it- about 48 hours till the worse had passed). He offered me antebuse or tranquilizers, I refused both, but I did make a few more appointments afterwards, because as you say, the checking in bit strengthens your resolve.

Later due to work commitments/moving house I did not make any more appointments, at the moment I am having a few drinks everyday until the end of this month when I plan to stop completely for a while then see if I can moderate- indeed if I even want to by then.

I am sure you cannot overdose on valerian- it seems one woman did but she took between 40 or 50 capsules. I am sure 3 to 5 will do you plenty of good, and tomorrow already things will look brighter.

[Guest]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Hi littlewheel,
You asked about my drinking, well prior to cutting down to a nightly 12% btl/wine, I easily drank at least the equivalent of your 2x14% btls.........only mine was a concoction of wine, cider, vodka and beer..........blackouts became the norm. I cut down to a nightly btl/wine as blackouts scared the hell out of me........and I didn`t like whom I had become.

However, even though this past year,I was drinking just one 12% btl a night, I still found my initial withdrawal horrendous, although I wasn`t physically dependent...........the psychological dependency was almost "set in stone".

I can very much relate to you saying that so many areas of your life have fallen foul of your excessive drinking.........so many wasted opportunities, "so much regret"........could have written your post myself in that respect. But it`s said that "there`s no use crying over spilled milk"........so very true.......now you`ve got the rest of your life ahead of you to achieve some of your former ambitions.......am finally going back to University next mth. to start my degree........just one of the things I would never have attempted had I not quit drinking. Take it from me........I used to drink like a man, no!!!.......make that 10 men!!!......it`s not at all easy to quit, but it`s perfectly attainable, provided you`re wholeheartedly willing to commit to sobriety. I have all but transformed my life, in the short space of 8 wks.........drink is so very debilitating.

I wish you well,

Starlight Impress x

[Taking Control]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Littlewheel,

You may want to try the hypno CD's from the MWO website. They seem to work well for many people, including myself. I highly recommend following all the advise from the MWO book. Each piece of advise of from the supplements, exercise, loads of water, and hypno CD's, etc. are a piece of this complicated puzzle.

One component that I've added is a personal journal about this journey. In the beginnig, I wrote down every benefit I experienced being AF. I write down quotes from posts of other MWO members. I write down WHY being AF is important to me. When I am struggling, I reread my journal and my determination is renewed. I am by no means totally AF, but my drinking habits and attitude have changed drastically since I began working the MWO program.

My best to you,
TC

[Lucy Van Pelt]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Littlewheel

I am about 2 weeks AF. I drank nightly, similar to you. I would drink either 2 bottles of wine, OR a pint of rum...every night. I was a functional drinker, would be able to get up and go to work the next day (although felt like crap), but had very little or no memory of the last few hours of my evening before. Conversations of the phone, with my family, were forgotten. If I had watched T.V I would not remember what I had watched. Reading was impossible.

I stopped cold turkey about 2 weeks ago. Wow, the first night was SOOOO hard. I relied on people here to get through it without leaving my house to buy any wine. The physical responses to stopping, for me were primarily a few nights of poor sleep, and sweating at night. I was up hourly, after having trouble falling asleep. I was also quite emotional and irritable those first few days, which may have had to do with the lack of sleep. These symptoms disappeared quite quickly, within about 3 days. The harder part was the intense desire to go and drink. The psychological. I also got those desires in the evening.

Some of the suggestions here worked well for me. Eating dinner early helped me. Getting in my PJ's early. Obviously, no alcohol at home. And then occupying myself to get through those witching hours. I found chatting here the best, because I could get good wisdom from others which helped squelch my stupid brain. But anything to get through them. A movie, a jig-saw puzzle, whatever. And then to bed early to get the night over with.

Life won't be this way for long. It is just to get through the beginning. It gets much easier as you go along, and eventually, evening will become your friend again, even without the drink.

hope this helps. Best of luck!

Beth

[littlewheel]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Thanks Marbella

marbella;199455 wrote: Hi LittleWheel

I too was too embarrassed to go to a doctor, but after waking up in May this year on a rubbish dump, I decided I had to.

To be honest he wasn't much help- by the time I had got to him the horrendous initial hangover had passed (I could not have got there while I had it- about 48 hours till the worse had passed). He offered me antebuse or tranquilizers, I refused both, but I did make a few more appointments afterwards, because as you say, the checking in bit strengthens your resolve.

Later due to work commitments/moving house I did not make any more appointments, at the moment I am having a few drinks everyday until the end of this month when I plan to stop completely for a while then see if I can moderate- indeed if I even want to by then.

I am sure you cannot overdose on valerian- it seems one woman did but she took between 40 or 50 capsules. I am sure 3 to 5 will do you plenty of good, and tomorrow already things will look brighter.

Hi Marbella,
Thanks for the info on valerian. Do you know, is Chamomile tea a sedative too? Any other natural ones that you know of? I just feel like my brain is on overdrive this morning (certainly don't need to make any cofffee to wake up today). I know this is my brain waking up again...hypersensitive, hyperactive...I feel better though (for now).

I watched t.v last night until my eyes were falling out, then crashed at about 2a.m my time...I think I am like you with the first 48 hours. I feel so paranoid (maybe even agoraphobic too?) that I can't get out my front door to go shopping or anything...doe that subside? I know for my last 6 day stint, I was still scared to go out (I rang in sick to work for a week and had a week's groceries in the house to keep me going) My neighbour-lady noticed my car not going anywhere and rang to check I was alive. I lied and said I had the flu and a bad back all at once...God.

I admire you being able to just have a few drinks each day...I know I can't do that...I have tried...one night I can do the one or two and put a cork back in the bottle...but then the next I can't even come home to the house knowing there's only half a bottle (my sick brain yells "what if you need more than that" "you are going to need more than that tonight, you had a stressful day at work/ drive/encounter with colleague/parents etc" .

It has been 33 hours since my last wine. I just woke up. 8 hours solid zombie sleep. All my muscles hurt. My tummy, liver ? kidneys? My tongue looks and feels like dirty carpet. I don't have to work today...I am just working up the courage to go out for more juice and vitamins...there is a supermarket without a booze attachment (lucky for me)...it has a health store near it too...

So Marbella, thanks again...may I ask, how long have you been AF for any one time?(It helps me to think that there are other real people that can do this) If so, do you have any tips for getting past day 6 (my record)? What do you do with the extra non-drunk vegetative time?
bye,
littlewheel

[littlewheel]

First time here, 13th hour without wine...

Hey Starlight Impress, I understand "set in stone"

Starlight Impress;199475 wrote: Hi littlewheel,
You asked about my drinking, well prior to cutting down to a nightly 12% btl/wine, I easily drank at least the equivalent of your 2x14% btls.........only mine was a concoction of wine, cider, vodka and beer..........blackouts became the norm. I cut down to a nightly btl/wine as blackouts scared the hell out of me........and I didn`t like whom I had become.

However, even though this past year,I was drinking just one 12% btl a night, I still found my initial withdrawal horrendous, although I wasn`t physically dependent...........the psychological dependency was almost "set in stone".

I can very much relate to you saying that so many areas of your life have fallen foul of your excessive drinking.........so many wasted opportunities, "so much regret"........could have written your post myself in that respect. But it`s said that "there`s no use crying over spilled milk"........so very true.......now you`ve got the rest of your life ahead of you to achieve some of your former ambitions.......am finally going back to University next mth. to start my degree........just one of the things I would never have attempted had I not quit drinking. Take it from me........I used to drink like a man, no!!!.......make that 10 men!!!......it`s not at all easy to quit, but it`s perfectly attainable, provided you`re wholeheartedly willing to commit to sobriety. I have all but transformed my life, in the short space of 8 wks.........drink is so very debilitating.

I wish you well,

Starlight Impress x

Thanks for the encouragement. I understand the "set in stone" component...Drinking for me is like eating or sleeping (I hate to say breathing)...I just don't know how to live without it. It has become my answer to life's stresses and joys (so sick I know)...but I know for sure that it is getting in my way...it is actually stopping me from being consistently happy...it is eating me away...as you said "debilitating"...I wouldn't wish it on anyone, so why do I keep getting tangled in it?
How long have you been AF? What do you do now when (if) you really want a drink (both physically and what do you tell yourself)?

Congrats on Uni! I am impressed that you are able to make a commitment to something that is going to be good for you.
Thanks again,
littlewheel