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[betty boop]

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Hi KoKo, :welcome:

A thought that someone posted a while ago (think it was chief) yes you are going to feel rough while withdrawing, but it's just like having the flu, it will pass. Seek medical advise if you are really bad but take the plunge, in a few weeks I can promise you all that you will feel on top of the world ........

[amashed]

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yes, at the moment I am just trying to stop (I'm twiching, boiling hot and looking about 100 years older then I am) I am finding this hard at the moment I need to get past the 1st stage and then I might have a chance.

I even mentiond sucide last night when I admitted I had a problem. I have never felt so bad. Even writing this is painful, but I thank you all for your comments.

[paula]

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Amashed ,you will get through this, have you contacted your doc?
Suicide is not an option. You need professional help at the moment,
please seek it.Are you in the UK ? If so ring samaritans, they will help
.Must go out now but plenty of help on this site.
Paula.

[millie]

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Amashed....just sent u an email.....don't let the alcohol win.......

[amashed]

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no, no I'm not thinking about suicide, but it was as bad as it got last night. I'm just finding this really hard and feeling sorry for myself (pathetic I know). Just think that I should not be like this and struggle to admit my failings to myself. You are kind people and thank you.

[betty boop]

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Hopefully this was your rock bottom so now you can get back up ............:l

[mokigirl]

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Amashed, don't hate yourself or feel pathetic. You have no idea how good you will feel after just two days of not drinking. You'll get there, and the first day is really the hardest but you'll get through it. But if you are feeling serious DT's, then you should go to the Dr.

I once drank so much that I peed in my pants while talking to a neighbor. Really, I was that smashed. Funny or pathetic? Funny now, horrifying the day after.

I recently threw away all the hard liquor in the house. I feel better already. You will too. You just hit rock bottom. There's nowhere to go now but up.

:l

[betty boop]

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Amashed, where are you love??????

Please check to let all the people here that care about you know that you are OK ...........

[amashed]

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This is bad - update

OK all I have some news (and I want you all to know you have been invaluable in me doing this).

After the afternoon of speaking to you and gradually drinking for 12 hours a day (not too much sleep ether) I asked for help. I was admitted to Hospital for observation and (this was no easy thing - tears, my doctor refusing to see me and having to contact an emergency doctor).

I thinking trying to explain to a strange doctor in front of my (wonderfully supportive girlfriend) that I had a problem that I really needed help with (the whole time drinking in front of the doctor - so much for hiding much anymore) was pretty much the worst so far.

I was admitted and have not drank since then. I was placed on a drip to try and rehydrate me and spent the night before last sweating and periodically crying (I have too much pride sometimes and lost most of it 36 hours ago - hard I tell you - stupid bloke, stupid pride!)

I'm home now, there is no alcohol left in the house (I said to just pour it down the sink). I am on a slight sedative until tomorrow and some vitamins to get me up to speed again. Not to sure that I'll be doing much in the next few days but I have said again that this is it. No more. Not even one drink. I wasn?t an everyday drinking but boy, when I started I didn?t stop. So not more 1 drink or ?I?ll cut down? nothing.

I want to thank you all and sorry for the long post, but its been a terrible and great couple of days and thank you again.

[betty boop]

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Amashed, Well Done ......

I am so proud of you..... To make that step must have been hard.

Keep us informed of your progress .....

BB xx :l :l

[millie]

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Amashed,

So jealous of your strength.....you can do it.....and inspire the rest of us.....

[amashed]

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Thank you Millie,

I don't think you need any more strength, I think you can do it (believe me crying in front of my gf and strange doctors took a lot but it was worth it).

I'm on the last of my medicines today and tonight?s sleep will be interesting but I'm sure that I can do it. I have started explaining where my weak points may be most at risk and will try to avoid them and am trying to give myself a long term aim. I think that the lack of 20 pints every weekend should help me lose a bit of weight!

Dealing with absence from work is the next stage (I'm still not quite OK) but I am making steps in getting there and have decided to ask the other half to do Thursdays Friday nights shopping will help me hugely to reduce the temptation to celebrate the weekend.

I think it'll be small things to start with but I have high hopes (and do I hate hospitals and feeling like this).

Please try and get that opportunity to start, It took me 15 years so I'm not a great example but I need to do this and I feel now is the time.

Best of luck!


PS I never thought I would understand the one day at a time, but it does help, one of my first thoughts this morning was 'tonight is 3 days'!

[mokigirl]

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Amashed, what an inspiration you are! And it looks like you are paving the road for yourself by having your girlfriend do the shopping so you avoid the temptation. That is fortitude!

I hope the doctors were kind to you. They have no idea what a struggle this has been for you and how much you have beaten yourself up over it. Now you can love yourself for being strong. Congratulations!

-Moki

[vino_grrl]

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amashed .. congratulations to you (i can empathize so much ... i finally got up the courage to tell my doctor the other day and it was the most embarrassing, miserable experience).

here is a thought, though .... it seems kind of irresponsible for the ER doc to let you go w/only a few days of meds and no real plan for a turn-around. Can you get in to see your regular doc and talk with him/her about getting a coherent plan in place for staying off drink? It could involve Topamax (discussed in the MWO book & here). It could involve using Ativan (anti-anxiety drug, but non-addictive) to help you through the withdrawal period (I swear by it; I sleep great when on it and it takes the edge off in the evenings, but it's easy to get up in the mornings). It can involve using the hypnosis CDs/supplements in MWO. exercise. diet change. introducing other hobbies/habits in the times/hours you were most likely to drink before. You've taken the very incredibly brave first step (and the scariest) but try to get a plan in place with your doctor so you have someone you have to check back in with on your progress and a PLAN. otherwise, the risk of relapse is so high.

best of luck to you my friend!

[Accountable for Me]

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amashed, actually Ativan can be addictive, but it will help you through the rough patches if used accordingly. I went to the ER a couple of months ago with some horrific anxiety attacks (alcohol unrelated) and the ER doctor was going to prescribe me some Ativan and had said it can be addictive. So declined it. My physician a while later gave me a prescrip for emergencies. I have taken 1 in the last two months. I would advise to use with caution just like anything else. ;-)

I agree with vino_grrl about seeing your regular doctor tho. It sounds like you have a great person to help you through some of the tough parts like shopping etc. I think with any program you need to have a long term plan in place. Great job on your 3 days thus far!! This can be done!!!