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[trixietrack]

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i would agree with Marbellas comment. when first going AF . I also think that heavy drinking buddies are the worst trigger, so if I don;t want to drink I stay away from the pub. going to a bar/pub the you frequented when drunk will set off triggers like crazy. I went to my local when I was fasting and not drinking and had to leave the second I walked in. It's the place I go to when I want to drink, not when I feel like being sober and healthy.

[amashed]

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Just finished my first week back at work and its day 16 AF.

I haven?t been updating so much because I didn?t have much to add but I?ve been reading MWO everyday and really appreciate the people here - to realise that you?re not alone in itself is a real help to me and there are some amazing people here.

I think that I?m now feeling about as good as I?ve felt in years, I?m realising that a lot of the problems that caused me to drink were actually caused by drinking itself. I?ve also learnt that instead of relaxing me it was the alcohol that was causing guilt and anxiety, not fixing it.

For years now I?ve struggled through Mondays, Tuesdays and often Wednesdays because of a hangover (often affecting my work) and then longed for Friday night so I could do it all again.

I?m trying to exercise twice a day to feel stronger and also eat less rubbish, the only thing that I haven?t attempted yet is my smoking but I figure that one thing at a time is probably enough. Made me laugh that when I had to visit a nurse for a check up her advice was to carry on smoking! She thought that I had better things to worry about too.

I got through the latest challenge (a problem at work) although I can?t say that on the way home I didn?t think about just getting 8 cans, but I didn?t and it meant I could handle it the next day far better than I could with a hangover.

Last night was hard, I must admit I was thinking ?why can?t I just have a beer on a Friday night to celebrate the weekend like the rest of the world?? but by keeping busy and away from temptation (I?ve not been in a pub for 3 weeks now) I managed it, I find if I just keep thinking about how I feel now and how I felt when I started this thread, it helps.

This isn?t easy, I?m finding it increasingly hard now the memories of how bad it was are fading, but I truly want to keep it up and think and hope that I can.

:thanks:

[Finding My Self]

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Amashed - I am so pleased for you that you are feeling so much better. Good on you! It's amazing isn't it to realise the mess booze made of so many more things than we ever realised! (A bit embarrassingly cringing at times but we've all been there with that realisation! Be proud of the feeling!!)

I hope you find the palace (I'll leave that typo coz that place is a palace!) place where you can feel a good old Coke celebrates the weekend. You will I am sure. I 'celebrate' with an AF Becks now and find I have found that the mere taste of just one beer does it for me, not the woozy, fuzzy, spaced out, blah, hungover, sick-fuzzy-woozy embarrassed poo of alcohol!!! Hmmmm. Funny that! (or not!) It's just odd to be around folk who still feel they need the second lot of sensations to 'celebrate' the weekend!!! :yuk:. I laugh and joke and dance and enjoy just as much as before (more) and I'm going to feel good in the morning!!! :H

You're doing so great Amashed.....keep going!!

BTW....I didn't touch anything for over 100 days....don't be tempted by AF stuff until you are not going to be triggered by the taste into anything 'heavier'...I'd hate to give the wrong message to you here!! And some are triggered off even by 0.05%...I'm lucky but don't want to see you lose your footing.

Love to you West Country Buddie!! (Stops me feeling so isolated 'dahn 'eerre'!!)
FMF xx

[Guest]

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Hi amashed........good to have you with us.

Am so pleased for you in being on Day 16 AF........you`re doing fabulous.

O.K., now this is important...........the one thing that really helped me to resist the temptation to drink again the first couple of weeks...........NEVER allow yourself to forget your withdrawal period..........mine was horrendous, especially the 1st night.........I would not wish it on my worst enemy(not that I have any!!! lol)

Keep going amashed........you can do this, because........YOU ARE DOING IT.
I`m so very proud of you.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[amashed]

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Thanks, both of you, I can't tell you how much this helps.

Its strange but I still look at myself and think 'no, I'm not an alcoholic' despite knowing that I am. Its remembering what the withdrawal was like and keeping coming here that keeps my feet on the ground and off the bar stall!

Its early days and a month ago I'd be planning what to do all day (with beer bar pub) but I now have to think about how to avoid the pubs!

My life is chaging for the better, I just need to keep it that way. If I ever get that chance the coffee's are on me!

[BILLYJACK]

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AMASHED,
Im rather new her at MWO but im not new to the disease that we all have. I just read your post from start to finish, and I gotta tell you that im EXTREMELY proud of YOU! You really scared me at first.

Not so long ago, I was AF for a year and a half and never felt better. I too, began to think about having JUST ONE, but JUST ONE NEVER ever happend, it ALLWAYS led me back to a complete blackout.Today will mark my 9th day of being AF and I do NOT want anymore of my disease.

I WILL remember what it was like to come off of my last drinking binge or any of the other drinking binges I've been on over the last year.And I'll also remember how GREAT I felt in the year and a half of not drinking.

Im not suggesting that you go anywhere near the PUB or hangout with any of the old drinking gang. If these folks dont understand that your ready for change, than they never were your friends in the first place.

There is just SO much more to life than what our disease offers us. You are now just STARTING to find that out,dont mess it up with temptation.

Keep up the good work and please--im WATCHING you closely--keep us POSTED!

Your friend,
Bill

[John35]

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Hi amashed, don't be ashamed everyone here knows what you are feeling. I think telling your girlfriend and admitting to yourself is the biggest step. I think you will find a lot of good advice here. I'm only on day 4 AF, and I have lost so much because of the monster I become when I drink. I just remind myself of all I have lost and what I don't want to lose anymore because of alcohol. hopes and prayers.

[betty boop]

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Amashed, Well done on day 16!!!!

Once you realise that alcohol actually causes the depression and doesn't help it it gets easier .....

John35 well done on day 4 ..........

[amashed]

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Hi all,
I was going to post this yesterday but Friday nights are the hardest days for me so I didn?t want to tempt fate and write this and it all come tumbling down. But it?s Saturday morning so I?ll carry on?

I thought about starting a new thread for this but its important for me to keep remembering where I came from to keep me on track to where I?m going.

Its day 23 AF today and when I started this post I couldn?t have foreseen me ever writing this update, but thanks to you all (I may not post every day but I?m actually getting up 30 minutes earlier every day now to check in and read MWO, it?s a huge help to know you?re not alone and as I?ve said before there are some wonderful people here).

This is probably the first time that in my adult life I?m AF and actually feel the benefits of getting alcohol fully out of my system. I?m actually amazed at the changes that are happening. In the last 2-3 years I was spending all weekend getting as drunk as possible and then the majority of the week getting over these binges. What I am realising now is the terrible effect that this was causing and how it crept up on me.

All of the symptoms I have been living with for the last few years have all been down to alcohol. Sweating, nausea, paranoia, anxiety, poor sleep, lack of confidence, concentration problems. Even up and down eating habits ? either I would eat to mistakenly try and stave off these symptoms or while drinking not eat at all. Looking back my work was suffering badly, relationships suffering because spending the majority of your week drunk or hung over doesn?t make for a very good companion and spending months and months doing nothing but drinking or recovering doesn?t make for a life. Hmm ?fat, drunken, paranoid, insecure man looking for love? ? it doesn?t make for a very good dating ad does it?!?! I?m lucky to have people around me at all. I know this now.

I am AMAZED at the difference this is making. Starting Monday mornings being able to function, being able to do my job, exercising and eating properly, I FEEL so much better. Also, although difficult to explain, is that the guilty feeling that I always had after drinking is fading. I was scared of meeting people in the eye; almost like I knew I had done something wrong and so did they (does this make any sense lol). But I?m feeling more like me, the me that I knew years ago, the me I missed soo much when I was drinking.

I have got a long way to go and I?ve not had any real tests yet, I?ve deliberately avoided any situations that could be difficult and I know that can?t carry on forever just avoiding drinking buddies or holidays but every step forward and every day AF that I write down in my AF diary, yes I do it every morning, I think I will be better equipped to handle it?.

Amashed

[Changeling]

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Well Done

Wow amashed
What an exciting journey you are on.
How you have changed through the course of your posts.
You are like a completely different person, and yet obviously this other person was there all the time inside of you.
Stick with it and I am sure you will come to like yourself and your life more and more.
Best wishes
Changeling

[Guest]

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I`m so proud of you amashed.
I really think the worst part is the initial quit. Let`s face it........it`s horrid to have to go the first few days without our "friend".

I can really relate to all you`ve said........have wasted the best part of my life drinking, and allowed the booze to wreak havoc on my personal life.

Who am I?........good question!! The answer is that I really don`t yet know, but at almost 3 mths. sober, it`s fun finding out. Am loving being AF........why did we ever do it?........why did we ever let drink take over our lives?..........because we were complete and utter fools. Life is tough for everyone........we will always encounter problems as part and parcel of life, but it feels so good to deal with whatever now........feels so good to have ceased to run away and hide in a bottle, doesn`t it?

Keep going..........you`ve already came a long way..........it just gets easier every day.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x