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[wantrealmeaning]

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i agree with AFM, ativan are very addictive, please be very careful if prescribed any. My mum has been addicted to prescription drugs since she was 17yrs, she's now 63, you name em, she's had em. She started giving me small doses of hers when i was 10 for anxiety, ativan and valium, which was when my parents were going through a divorce. felt like they helped me at the time but with hindsight wish i'd been shown a better way of dealing with anxiety. been looking for that fix ever since, thats why i started drinking so young. i do believe i was inheritently born with an addictive personality. it would only have been a matter of time before it was triggered, but got triggered early with prescription drugs.
Vino girl, please be careful on the Ativan, you sound like your using it sensibly, but it can be a slippery slope for anyone with an addictive personality. i hope i don't sound condescending, that is not my intention at all. i'm only speaking from my own family experiences with prescribed drugs. Believe me i'm still at the beginning of my journey into sobriety (slipping, falling, scrambling)
want
:h :h

[vino_grrl]

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hmmmm ... was told by a very reputable psychiatrist that it's non-addictive (and that's been my experience ... and i find everything addictive!!) ;-) will look into it more before i go recommending it. that said, it made the transition to non-drinking a lot less painful ... and so reduced the temptation to relapse. and, a few weeks after that, it was easy for me to quit the ativan. doses were super tiny (25 mg) but everyone's different (and who knows what different psychs say). thx for the advice everyone

[amashed]

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Hello again all,

Just wanted to give you an update. I'm still very tired but this was the first day with no sedatives and its gone well. I have changed my doctor (my gf has been such a star). I have an appointment tomorrow morning and still plan to be totally honest and have a fresh start.

I discussed some situations to avoid in the coming days and weeks and feel confident still. I have the worry that when I'm back to full health I'll be mistaken in thinking 'oh one won't hurt' but I think I can really do this.

Once again thank you to you all and good luck to you all. I'll give another update tomorrow and tell you how it went. Day 4.

[Accountable for Me]

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vino_grrl, please don't take offense to what was said about the Ativan. This is what the ER doctor told me along with my own doctor. I would imagine it would be like everything else in life in regards to whom becomes addicted. Alcohol, drugs, sex, pills, whatever. I was given the 1 mg by my doctor, took one last week and thought "wow, this is great" if that gives you any indication. (Had a major anxiety attack) So I won't be taking any more of those LOL! It totally depends on the person. I agree it helps immensely with the withdrawal process I imagine or else they wouldn't recommend it - right? So, please do not take what I said as a deterrent for your helping others.

amashed - great job so far!! You are very lucky to have such a wonderful, supporting girlfriend!!!! Keep us posted!

[amashed]

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Off to the new doctors in a minute, means bearing my soul again (I've told you about my stupid pride before......) but I'm going to tell the truth (I AM!!!).

Bit scared to be honest, but get this out the way and it'll be a huge step.

[missCDJ]

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it can be done!

:welcome: Hi there! In a way don't you feel better that you've come clean to your partner- it's a real step forward, believe me... I did the same with one of my newish friends a month ago as i was aware she may have heard stories from other mums about my drunken antics (at my worst, falling over at my son's school fete!). I wanted her to know that i was now doing something about my problem. maybe it wasn't such a big suprise for her? This is such a great program if you stick with it. i'm doing it without the topamax as it had a bad effect on me and am 2 days alcohol free! how much were you drinking? I was a 1-2 bottles of wine a night girl, sometimes more when socialising.

[amashed]

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Hello missCDJ,

yeah I think this heartbreaking honesty has resulted in the best thing I could have done. Well done to you too for doing this, its hard but worth it.

My drinking.....well 3 years ago (when I didn't have a problem - how dare anyone suggest that I do???) I was drinking a bottle of wine and 6 beers every night. That was standard consumption. If I stopped at a pub then maybe 10 beers and a bottle of wine. Then I had a fit one morning and realised that maybe that was a little too much so I decided to only drink on Friday nights and Saturdays, and I mean all day (maybe 20 beers?). Unless it was a special occasion.

My special occasion happened last week - a late holiday, and guess what? They even had Cava for breakfast, well that was it. By the second day of the holiday I had a bottle(s) of wine before 10.30 and then the beers from the mini bar and then, well, only the spirits were left so it'd be a shame to waste them. This continued all holiday. The results can be seen by reading earlier posts. I was a mess.

For anyone following my story I did get to the doctors and while he was rushed he was not unhelpful. I feel that at least he knows my background (and previous lies) and now can at least help me in future (fingers and toes crossed) that I'll never need it but nevertheless I have told the truth.

Best of luck to you and anyone reading this - if I can answer anything please ask.

[Finding My Self]

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amashed - you are doing sooh well. I am catching up on your earlier posts and can see how far you've come. I am so glad you have your girlfriend to support you...

Just to say, nothing other than feedback, that I found Ativan highly addictive very quickly... Those tablets put me in hospital once 30 years ago and then when I was given something after my ex-husband abducted my son 2 years ago (for three months) I started horendous panic attacks and shakes after only a week on them. I checked out the generic name for what I was on and it was...Ativan. I stoppped! Ordinary old Valium for a few days got me off it. But that was just me...

I wish you so much success amashed... keep posting and get all the help you can. It's worth it - you're going to feel a whole heap better!!

Love FMF xx

[Beaches]

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Amashed, I have also just read through all of your posts and congrats to you. You have come so far and you took action to get control back over your life. Good for you.
I bet your girlfriend is seeing a differnce and is very pleased as well.

When you get a chance check out some of the products in the health store here that help with anxiety etc. They have helped me a lot. I wish you great success and continued days of being alcohol free.

[cowgal]

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good job

Amashed, I have been away for a while, just read your whole thread and WOW, I am right there with you girlie I am only AF today, HAD to drink yesterday to get through the heebie jeebies...............but you're brave, and doing great, WE CAN DO THIS!!!! There is alot of love and support here, so private message, email, or just post and you will get the help!! Oh, buy the book too, I tried topa, but couldn't take the side effects and now am on supps...............good luck!!:welcome: :goodjob: :wings:

MA

[amashed]

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Morning everyone and thank you again for your help (both in encouragement and just reading your posts and realising that I?m not alone).

Its day 7 AF, which I think is the most I?ve managed in over 3 years.

I think that all the physical symptoms have stopped (although the doctor that took some blood from my arm for tests and had a few more tries than is maybe necessary and the bruise is some great colours, but I don?t care about that).

Its predictable that I?m getting more thoughtful now about my future, I know I can?t moderate but I?m starting to think about some point in the future that I might be able to have ?just one? but I know that?s stupid. I know its more of a psychological battle now, and one that I need to win.

I also know that we all have personal reasons for drinking in the first place and often the alcohol problem replaces the real ones. I need to face some of the real ones now too.
But I am doing well, I am reading this forum everyday and already feel like I have made some friends and this really helps. I also don?t know if this will help anyone else but I have a file on my computer and everyday I manage to get through I update the day and date so I can look back, it helps. Not sure if this means anything to anyone else but I get a small victory everyday I do it.

[Finding My Self]

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Amashed - wow! Look at you! Well done. You're coming over as so much more grounded and assertive and I am glad for you.

Bruising will go down and stop being so bad even when you bump yourself in the future; scary what alcohol does to so many parts of us....

I'm not sure if it's the same but I too, have a file on my poota that I kept an early diary...I never wanted to 'forget' what it was like so as never to go there again (crossed everything!) I haven't read it for ages and ages but I know it is there and I am very glad of that.... (I daren't read it! Don't think it's possible to cringe that much without injury! Actually I seriously am glad of the file...)

I'm glad you are finding ways of supporting yourself on this journey...you deserve every success.

I hope you continue to feel better and better.
Love FMF xx

[missCDJ]

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onwards and upwards...

Hi there Amashed, glad to hear you're doing so well, am proud of you.:goodjob: This is my 4th day on the program and only messed up one night... I'm trying to work out my triggers. My ex was supposed to call round yesterday with money for his baby daughter (he left us when I was 4 months pregnant). When it got late and he never turned up I went to buy a bottle of wine- glug glug,:upset: of course this didn't improve the situation any as I felt worse the next morning. Ironically, my ex always thought I drank too much, but it was when I'd stopped completely and felt very cheerful (pregnant) that he left!!Anyway, onwards and upwards, today will be a better one.
Keep posting!:h

[amashed]

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Hey all,

It?s a rollercoaster this AF isn?t it? I?m still AF and have already experienced loads of good feelings worries everything. BUT I?m approaching the second weekend. Weekends are my weak time and if I get to Sunday then I think this will be the longest in over 18 years AF and right here at the moment I?m confident! I?m trying to add support to others here and even looked up the calories in a beer yesterday and thought that?s another bloody great reason to not drink! Basically anything to help.

I?m still a bit tired from the binge and hospital stay but trying to start some exercise (not much, don?t worry!) but think that I should be able to be back in work on Monday (I was signed off till then). But needed this week to get me and my head together before going back to work (its bad enough without this).

Anyway, typically I?m rambling again so I?ll sod off but thanks again and I?ll keep you updated and thank you for your help.

[Cinders]

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Amashed,

The weekends are hard, really hard.

You can do it, though, with forethought and perseverance. Find something else to do besides the drinking. It will help.

I am bringing over my grandkids and we are going to make a "special dessert" for our Sunday dinner.

Find something like that which precludes drinking to do it.

Good luck and good job!!
Cindi