Affraid to commit

[12many]

Anyone affraid to commit to something for fear of wrecking it with a slip?

I used to volunteer as a cub scout leader. I'd have a couple of glasses of 'patience' before I went and paid close attention to my breath and behavior. Worked for years. The kids loved it, I loved it, the parents loved it.

Several years went by while I went back to school in the evenings with no time for scouts or similar activities. When I found I did have time again, I had become an even heavier drinker with even less control and even lower self-image and didn't think I could pull it off, so I didn't get into it. Now its 'boy scouts' and they go camping. All weekend without alcohol! Who ever heard of camping without alcohol! I just put it on the list of things that I would one day add back "when" (really more of an "if") I ever got under control. I guess I was waiting for Ed McMahon to bring me a new brain in the mail. Never came.

Now I have a therpist and a Campral script and after 3 weeks, I'm really feeling like I'm going to live. I'm starting to plot a course. I feel I have choices to make and I'm surprised at how hesitant I am.

Volunteering, like so many activities we as problem drinkers migrate away from yields a terrific natural high. What a great thing to add back! Occupy my mind, occupy my hands, spend time in a non-drinking setting, wake up in the morning and feel like yesterday was worthwhile. But I'm just getting my first success with ODAT. Commiting to next Monday (or, God forbid, every Monday) feels like a leap and makes me anxious. I'm only able to sit on the couch and watch TV without slipping. Hell, I have to remind myself that I can run errands and give the kids rides because I'm not passed out or at least half in the bag.

I'd really like to hear thoughts on adding back activities and commitment. What have you felt? What have you done? What are your hopes?

Thanks and best wishes to all :-)

[betty boop]

Affraid to commit

12many ......... wow what a powerfull post .....

Last year at this time I was drinking all day everyday........... Now I'm AF most weekdays and only have a few wines at weekends ........

I now help my daughter with her homework and play boardgames with her ......

My hubby comes home to a nice homecooked meal..........

I actually do some work instead of just turning up and wasting time ...

I don't avoid close up conversations in case of giving my secret away .....

I don't lose keys or money, or forget things .......

I do wake up bright and alert and tidy the house before going to work ....

There are many more but generally I have my life back ...

[jane jane]

Affraid to commit

"Camping without alcohol?" 12many, you hit the nail right on the head. I don't like to give too many specifics about my life/location (unlike AA, this site really IS 'anonymous') but I do have to tell you a lil' story.

I live in the Deep South, and we looooove our delicious cold drinks 'round here. Mmmm, yes we do, starting with good bracing spicy Bloody Marys right after coffee, wine with a friend at lunch, gin and tonics in the afternoon during a committee meeting, then of course there's cocktail hour before dinner when Hubby arrives home. Do the math---most of us lovely perfect housewives are flat-out PLASTERED by bedtime!

So, about camping. When my older daughter was about 10, we had a Girl Scout campout at a friend's lovely hunting lodge. The little girls did camp out, but us mothers stayed up in the "big house" and swillled red wine by the huge stone fireplace until we passed out. In the morning (massively hungover) we were HORRIFIED to hear that our girls had snuck off and taken a midnight swim in the huge lake, without life jackets, with no supervision!

One (or all!) of them could easily have drowned. That still gives me chills, and it's one of the things that made me think about "rethinkin' drinkin'". And yet I continued my happy drinking pattern for years after that!

Still not quite victorious, but I'm getting there. Best of luck to you in your battle (for battle indeed it is!)

We can do it.

[Flip]

Affraid to commit

Is it committing to the scouts or committing to staying sober that you are scared of. Is this really the BEAST chattering in your head saying " I can't commit to the scouts because I will fail"?

You could use this as an excuse as you "need more time sober under your belt" to get your confidence back up or you can commit to BOTH. You can commit to the scouts AND to being sober.

Personally I'd go for the scouts and make sure I made my life completely slip proof. Once you've acheived this, the sky's the limit.