Welcome to MWO.
I think you have the answer to your own problems. You realize you are in this cycle of temporary self-deception. I think the self-deception becomes even more obvious when you are writing notes on this website. If you keep making excuses, not progressing, and you find yourself writing the same comments over and over again, somehow awareness becomes even higher and you start to want to make real improvements.
I hope you gain much from becoming a member here.
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