Confused

[tinker]

I joined about a month ago and have posted a couple of times, but we've had a lot of company and birthdays and they were definitely not alcohol free. I don't think I over did it; didn't get drunk or do anything bad. I've reached a point that I don't get drunk (possibly once a year or so I might go overboard, and I don't get drunk like I used to, just have a lot of fun, and maybe a slight hangover the next day.) but I drink at least a couple of glasses of wine most days. I've been trying to fight it and succeed a couple of days out of the week, but it does call to me as my mom says, even if I manage not to drink at all. There's a part of me that says, hey you aren't a drunk, what's the problem with a couple of glasses of wine in the evening and then the other side that says, hey other people don't drink every day. I may not know many, but I know there are a lot that don't drink every day or don't drink at all. I wonder what that's like.

We are going to be moving to the Caribbean the end of the year or the first of the year. I was really depressed about it for a while because it wasn't a decision I wanted to make, it's a survival sort of thing, financially I guess. I hated not having any control over my life and when the decision was made, I was drinking more than a couple of glasses a day. It is very easy to succumb to alcohol in the Caribbean, and I'll be in a totally different world and I'm very nervous about it. I guess what worries me the most, is that I don't have a strong desire to quit what I'm doing right now, but don't want it to get worse and wonder why I don't want to quit more than I do. I have also subscribed to an anxiety and depression program, so maybe that will put my head where it should be? I guess I'm confused as to why I don't want to stop. I don't worry that I will be like I used to be when I got falling down drunk every night; I don't think I would ever go back there, but is it bad to have a couple every day and am I pulling the wool over my eyes?

[lushy]

Confused

Hi,

Many would say drinking every day is not a good thing, but in my honest opinion if you are sticking with two glasses I consider that good moderation. If moving to the Carribean triggers you into drinking more then you might need to reconsider the situation. Good luck!!

[tinker]

Confused

re:

In all honesty, I don't always stick to just 2 and it depends what's in the house. I'm working to stick to 2, but I've been dying to buy a bottle of brandy the last couple of days,and when it's in the house, I'll probably have a couple of those as well. It also depends on if it's just my husband and I or if others are around, then of course we drink more.

[Beaches]

Confused

Tinker,
I have to agree that 2 glasses a night is very good moderation. Many can't stop after that second glass. You don't want to stop drinking right now because you aren't ready to stop. Once you wrap your mind around it and want to do it, you will.
I wish you the best and will be thinking of you in the Caribbean when it's freezing here this winter Take care.

[tinker]

Confused

Thank you, I'm not a hot weather person, but the water is absolutely gorgeous down there.
July - Sept. won't be my favs', but if things go well, I'll be happy. We have a lot of "maybes" looking at us right now, so it's very easy to feel insecure, at least about finances and we aren't getting younger. I know a lot of people are struggling financially these days and all the stress does make me want to drink more. You are probably right about it not being the right time as far as my desire to quit, but if I keep coming here, maybe it will happen.

[tinker]

Confused

Another thing I guess I should say; I have been a very heavy drinker and it is something I have to fight and most people that have known me for many years have worried about it. Maybe I wasn't being as honest as I should be. I have learned to control myself in comparison to my past, but people always think of me as a drinker that really know me even if they haven't seen me for years and maybe I don't consider getting a bit high the same as getting drunk. I had an uncle that was really bad and would end up in the hospital or rehab and that's never happened, although 30 years ago, it probably should have happened.

[Phoenix74]

Confused

Hi Tinker

:welcome:

I feel for you that you had to agree to making such a huge, and truly life-altering decision in moving to the Caribbean in a few months. We shouldn't under-estimate the changes that have to be made in such a move. It takes a huge practical changes alone, not to speak of the mental and emotional adjustment.

However, as Beaches said, if you feel you aren't ready to quit or moderate seriously, then it won't happen, simple as.
That said, it sounds like you are half way here, you found MWO, and posted, and that alone takes guts that haven't come from nowhere...

Look at it this way - if you can re-adjust your life/drinking now, in the next 3 months, imagine how much a difference it will make by the time the move happens - imagine how much better you will feel about yourself if you have some handle on things by the time it gets rougher...

It's only a thought, but maybe one worth considering. In any case MWO is always here, no matter where you are in the world, just a click away, and always welcoming, no matter what has happened in between times.

Don't give up on yourself because you haven't quite gotten your head around the enormity of it all...

Lots of hugs and support :h

[Accountable for Me]

Confused

tinker, no matter if you use to be a heavy drinker or you are drinking a couple of drinks a day you are here and you want to keep the control on your drinking. That is a great thing! Many of us were heavy drinkers and wish we could only have a couple of drinks here and there.

You are being honest with yourself and that is what matters. You are aware of what 'could' happen and awareness is key in keeping control of the situation.

Like you said you don't get drunk anymore and that, my dear, is a huge feat!

One thing I am learning now is that I am not the person I was a year ago. No matter what people say, or think of me, what really matters is what I think of myself. My accomplishments are my accomplishments. People will probably always think of me as being a piss tank, but I beg to differ now. I don't let it bother me anymore, and when it does, I just let it roll off my shoulders. It isn't worth the constant beating yourself up because of your past. If you continue to live in the past you won't be able to move towards a healthy and happy future!

[tinker]

Confused

Thanks for all the words of wisdom and understanding. It can be hard to be honest and I never thought I was dishonest, but when it comes to drinking, I have definitely been dishonest in the past and I'm trying not to be now, at least here. In the outside world, it's another story. I hope I can get better before the move so that when it does happen, I won't fall apart. Also, thanks accountable for the comments on the past. I totally relate to that and have let people hurt me by thinking I'm still the same as I used to be. I'm learning to let their lack of frienship and caring go and try to look for better friendships.:thanks: