Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

[janka]

About two weeks ago, I went on a binge ... could not work or function and my husband the extremist he is and called the cops to waken me ... I said I wasn't doing anything illegal ... i just cannot believe how drastically he reacts. yesterday I took myself to the emergency room, and was released with Xanax. My 14 year old daughter is going to school but often stays at my sister in laws house, who is very supporting and active with her. I just called a therapist for her, and just do not want her to be taken away from me. I have a good spell with sobriety for 36 days, however went on this binge. Could that be possible? I am 2 days AF. Any help here?

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Your daughter can be taken away if she is neglected or endangered. I am thinking because she is 14 and stays at your sister in law's place, Social Services won't do anything drastic like putting her into a foster home. Not if your sister in law is available to care for her until you can get some help for your drinking.

I think a therapist is a good idea for her. My 13 year old has been seeing a therapist for the last year to help her understand about this illness. When her father and I set it up, I knew I needed to get a grip on my drinking fast. It wasn't the fear of losing joint custody... it was a fear of her losing self esteem because of my inability to be a proper mother. (choosing the bottle over her). Not that I was 'choosing' but that is how they look at it.

Maybe you can get into counseling as well? I am not talking about couple counseling, I am talking about one on one counseling.

[janka]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Hi AMF, and thank you. I just do not want to lose her ... i went to the ER yesterday, and have an appointment for a therapist for me ... i do not neglect or abuse her, however my periodic drinking is disruptive ... I am so scared, her grandmother can also help, just am so afraid

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Please don't be afraid. I think a lot of our paranoia comes from the alcohol and the withdrawal of alcohol.

You are taking the right steps in getting some medication and seeking out therapy.

Please trust me that what you are feeling (the sense of fear) is the withdrawal of alcohol. No Court in this world will take a child away if the person in question is getting help.

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

ps. Please stop handing the power over to your husband in regards to your drinking. In other words, take the power back and stop letting him drive you back to the bottle. :l

[janka]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

AMF, are you sure?

[janka]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Also, AMF i think it's wrong to make my alcohol abuse the main issue ... there are other issues going on here ... i will stay sober any other advise?

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

I am not sure what you are asking. Am I sure about the Court thing? Or am I sure about the paranoia. My answer is yes to both. I am not sure about your situation..... so I am going on what you have written.

I do know this........... Social Services or whatever they are called there, will not split a family up (take a child away) unless it is in the best interest of the child. If you have been contacted by them and they are doing an investigation then it is up to you to prove you are a fit parent. That in turn means getting help for your drinking.

Trust me.............. I have had an investigation done with my oldest because I was drinking pretty heavily. Although she lives with her father and his family, he wanted to cut off the joint custody and have my visitation revoked. Well, I did what I needed to do to stop my binging. Not to mention I also have another child who was just born at the time so I was fearful for losing her as well. Everything worked out in the end. We did not go to court and the investigation was closed. I am a good parent who has a problem with alcohol. I did what I had to in order to be well. No court will take a child out of it's home or deny a parent seeing them if the person in question is taking the appropriate measures to get the help they need. Trust me!!!

So, I am as sure as I can be.

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

In regards to your other situation, like the problems with your marriage........... I have found with my quitting the drinking and now that my husband has quit drinking everything is much better. I have been sober for over 9 months and he now for over a month. (I have had 11 drinks total in this time - but that use to be nightly for me.)

My advise to you is to try to work on yourself first. One thing at a time. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to try to solve everything at once. Once we start dealing with our own problems whether it be drinking, self esteem, self worth everything will fall into place.

This doesn't happen over night, trust me. It is a long hard road, but every day and every step you take will pay off in the end.

[janka]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Thanks again, AMF ... i just cannot take the stress here. I want her to come home ... i want him to calm down ... he is killing me ... he is actually allowing her

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Deep breaths! Maybe go for a brisk walk. This will relieve some anxiety and will stop your mind from racing.

Focus on yourself for now - OK. Your daughter will be fine with your SIL for a couple of days. Try to relax.

Please heed my advice. I know what you are going through to some degree. Taking care of yourself will only make things better in the long run. Please go for a walk. It will do wonders for you. And when you get back, sip on some tea. Something decaffeinated and soothing.

[hart]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

I don't have any advice. AFM seems to be providing the best. I just want to say good for you 2 AF days, for seeking counseling and for understanding you do need to do something now. And to say I believe in you.:l

[Finding My Self]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Janka - AFM is saying good things....breathe...walk....it'll be OK.
Just to say I am thinking of you - it's very scary but will be OK...
Love adn hugs
FMF xx

[janka]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

thanks hart ... i miss you

[janka]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

thanks FMF ... i hope it will be okay