Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

[magic]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Janka ,my girl......it will all be OK.

2 days is terrific ! Keep going, the hospital and therapist are great supports, I'm proud of you!!!!!

You're off in the right direction.

I agree with AFM, no one is going to take your daughter if she is safe with family and you are working to get well. I'm sure.

Have you been for a walk, a nap? Time to be good to you.

I'm so very glad you posted, I was wondering where you were.

I believe in you too!!

magic xx :l

[Guest]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Janka,
Am sorry you`re having such a hard time.
You`ve done 36 days AF before, so you KNOW beyond any doubt that you can lay off the booze.You`re sober again, and owe it to yourself and your kids to remain so. It`s all to the good that your 14 yr. old will be seeing a therapist and that you`re back on AF.Noone will take her away from you, even if aware of your drinking problem, provided you do everything in your power to stay sober.It`s good that you have someone to care for her........use these next couple of days to get yourself on a firm footing.

Sorry, but I`m mad at your hubby........he`s obviously seen you drunk on many occasions in the past, so why call the police just because you`d blacked out???.......I think you need to be very careful around him.......looks like HUBBY is trying to make a case of you being an unfit parent in the eyes of the authorities......b******!!!(sorry, but I can`t help the way I feel about him calling the cops on you)

From what you`ve said in the past, he`s obviously got a very controlling, dictatorial attitude towards you. I really think you feel intimidated by him and he is the one driving you to drink. I also know you`re afraid of the future if your marriage breaks up, but, believe me........you could live without a million men, but you could never live without your kid.........I really think you need to start to look at the bigger picture here and consider why you are choosing to stay with him........think of yourself and your kids only, because you and your kids deserve far better.

Praying for strength for you.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[janka]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Thanks Star, i just to feel less anxious .... xanax is making me tired ... would love to nap ... he doesn't want the kids .... j

[nancy]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Hi Janka

I am sorry you are going through so many distressing things. I am a little confused. Why did you go to the ER? Was it for the drinking or for panic attacks? You said your binge was two weeks ago but you just went to the ER.

It's good to hear that your daughter's grandmother can help and your sister in law is available, even though she obviously is tied to your husband. I am not sure if you have a good relationship with her.

I hope Accountable's advice reassured you.
To Accountable:What measures did you take to get off drinking? I may have read it sometime in the past but could you refresh my memory? sounds like you were successful right away, and you were able to therefore keep your kids?

Anyway Janka, as the others said, forget about him, yourself and your kids matter more.

This drinking problem includes other problems (not just speaking about you but many of us), like psychological issues, self-esteem, depression, anxiety. It's a challenge to get through it all but some people on this website show it can be done.

I hope writing about it is therapeutic for you.

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Nancy,

I didn't quit drinking because I had an investigation done by social services. It was many months after the fact. (I hid my drinking from my eldest and her father for quite a while after he filed a complaint).

She doesn't live with me full time but we have joint custody, and it is a long story of why he filed a complaint. Let's just say my sister was hanging out with his wife (and they drank all of the time). Well my sister has always hurt me and manipulated me my whole life and started to concoct a bunch of bullshit about me to his wife. And it was BS. I haven't spoken to her in a long time now, and I don't miss her one bit due to the hurt she almost caused to my children, and me. My eldest's father and his wife don't even speak to her anymore either after what happened.

I did, however, have this fear that if I didn't get things under control things would fall apart eventually. I made the decision after a trial run here on MWO in December. I did 21 days and then drank when my husband came home from working away. I drank for a few days during Christmas break but did not on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I drank off and on until December 29th when I officially threw in the towel. I had enough. I wasn't recovering from the hangovers.... actually I hadn't recovered from hangovers in a very long time..... hair of the doggie was a good ol' friend.

Funny thing is that I didn't drink during my pregnancies at all.... no desire to, no cravings.

How did I do it? I made the commitment to stop. I had decided I needed to stop because my drinking made no sense. The main reason why I drank was due to low self esteem and because everyone thought me as a drunk. When you have people constantly thinking you are - you might as well be, right? I drank to suppress a lot of pain inflicted upon me by my family. (bad childhood, etc... etc.... etc...). And it didn't help that my husband is a binge drinker either.

Quitting drinking was hell. The first two weeks I made sure I drank a lot of water, ate well, took vitamins and St. John's Wort. I went through some pretty bad withdrawals. All in all the determination to start living, regardless if people 'wanted me to die,' is what kept me going. I ate a lot of protein, went for walks with my youngest daughter often to keep the racing thoughts at bay. I did whatever I could. After three weeks, I really started to feel better, look better and this kept me going when I started to feel a bit complacent or bored.

**** Boredom is the very thing that will get you drinking again. Putting aside any physical withdrawals. The 'physical withdrawals' go away over time. Everyone should always beware of being bored.

****Stress is another huge trigger. I simply ask myself "What will drinking do to solve this?" My answer is ALWAYS "Absolutely Nothing!"

I was a hard core binge drinker towards the end. Like I said it was damn hard, but if you want it bad enough you need to do whatever it takes. I also had to change my routine for shopping. Had to go to different supermarkets where there was no liquor store beside it, etc.

There was no magic solution for me. It was a lot of hard work and determination. I don't regret the first few months of adjusting to 'life'. It has been worth it.

[Accountable for Me]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Janka, I hope you are feeling better today. Please know you will get through this. There is always more to the story than we portray here. Only you know what is going on and what has led you to where you are. Keep posting, and stay in touch. Please let us know how you are doing.

Fear of 'whatever' will hold us back in life. Everything has worked out for me in the end and I am sure it will for you to!

[bananas]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

I totally agree with Starlight - the cops should not have been called - since when was drinking illegal? (maybe the 30s...)

Anyhow, I don't have any kids (yet) - no sure if I can deal with that. All I can say is good luck and don't be so down on yourself - my low self-esteem has led me to drinking so many times (today, actually) so I know it's hard to think you're a good person - sometimes it seems impossible, but the fact that you even wrote your post means you are trying to deal with your situation - that's good.

Also, if you live in Canada (specifically Ontario) I can help you out with any social services questions - I used to work in the profession.

Finally, I totally recommend seeing a therapist - definitely find one who isn't closed minded about harm reduction & moderation. I've struggled through depression for many years and always resisted a therapist. But I started seeing someone in June and it's been really good.

Arghhhh! Why can't I shut up - too long post!

[Guest]

Am scared with restored Commitment--need help

Please let us know you`re alright, janka.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x