Been drinking so long kinda scared to stop

[beatle]

Been drinking so long kinda scared to stop

Cindi, remember that the kids probably got the genetic makeup for an alcoholic so don't blame it all on yourself. I'm thinking about telling my kids about this in a few years, before they start drinking -- maybe it will scare them enough so they won't start. I sure wish I never started.

[fickle]

Been drinking so long kinda scared to stop

hello guys, :new:

I said something as much to my doc last time she asked me 'why don't you just stop?' (I still can't believe the level of ignorance out there in the medical community not to mention normies.)

I replied "it's frightening when I stop.. i feel terrible for a few days, and I'm up for fighting through that, but once I'm sober then I start feeling really hyper and fantastic.. and that's even more scary.. I'm not myself and I might do anything!! I can't control myself.. i spend money, I fall in love.. almost anything can happen! I go kind of manic and suddenly having so much energy can be terrifying.. like a rollercoaster ride" etc..

I am personally fresh off the rack. I made 7 days sober and was perfectly happy but then I went to a wedding. it is now 4 days later and i'm still having trouble getting off this bender (though it's mild compared to some people's, it's bad for me). I feel absolutely miserable and a failure. I know this is all madness and if it was not for the overconsumption i'd be much happier.. I guess it's the pit after the peak.

It's so STRANGE! I want to feel good and be happy. Why do I NEED to feel the way I usually do (which is CRAP)?? WHY do i choose this????

Only a few days ago I was feeling totally invincible and proud. Now i can not believe the depths to which I have sunk. Mostly this is myself beating myself up. I am not a criminal and still manage to feed my kids, go to work, etc.. I just hate to have this weakness and the depression that goes along with it is like a giant baseball bat to the self-esteem.

Sorry to winge and feel so sorry for myself. I did want to be relevant to this thread!

[Cinders]

Been drinking so long kinda scared to stop

Fickle,

:welcome: to you too.

I am quite sure Hmm doesn't mind if you hijack this thread. We all need to talk about ourselves. This addiction is definitely a personal issue for all of us.

There has been much research on the addiction piece. When one looks at it from the outside, it surely does not make any sense. You are correct, we CHOOSE to drink even though we know it is hurting us and making our lives miserable. Common sense obviously doesn't work here.

Here on the threads people call this the "booze beast" and other such things. That part of your brain that is whispering to you that you want to drink, you need to drink. The addicted part of the brain. The rational part of our brain often gives in to this beast and we beat ourselves up about it because we know it makes no sense.

I read a book called Rational Recovery that describes this whole thing. This book also addresses the concept of basically being aware of this "beast" and then you can easily overcome it. I tried that but it didn't seem to work.

I have no idea what in the world possessed me to post such a long reply, I guess I have been mulling this whole thing over in my head, too. The "why do we give in" to the drink when we know it is only causing us harm.

Anyway, once again. Welcome, I hope you have read the MWO book, if not, download it and read it. Lots of good advice in there.

Take care and hope to "see" you around here.

Cindi

[fickle]

Been drinking so long kinda scared to stop

Hi Cindi,

Thanks for your quick reply! i am on the other side of the world & thought you all in bed! Your company does do me good!

Yes, I wonder and wonder about my reasons for doing this. I was a member here for ages about a year ago but stopped coming when my life got difficult & didn't want to bring my friends down who were doing so well (when i was not) and i still recognise many old friend's names.

I don't have any more excuses.. and just want to get on with it again. There may be new rules i am not aware of? hope i did not hyjack Hmm's thread.. will read a bit more before posting again. I also have kids & my 14 y.o. hates me for failing again. lots love & strength to you all anyhow.

[Cinders]

Been drinking so long kinda scared to stop

Fickle,

We just call it hijacking a thread when we jump in and change its direction. No rules at all and you didn't break any.

Glad you came back!! I know that I am tempted to shuffle off when I lapse but I force myself to come back on. It is hard but I think it is the only way for us to finally "get" there.

I hope you can make some headway this time around and stay with us even when it gets really tough. Hey, that's why we are all here.

Let's see if we can make some progess here and make our families proud of us!!

Cindi