I'm drunk again - three nights in a row - very bad, right?
The good news is I received my copy of My Way Out in the mail today - and I've been reading it and (finally) feeling some hope for my future. Maybe I could do it....
Along with the MWO book I also ordered two books from the Moderation Management folks - I definately feel like I have some hope - because I cannot see a future w/o alcohol - it seems too depressing, but the idea of being able to moderate is so great.
Although I'm drunk right now, I'm really surprised at my boyfriend's response to my drinking over the past 3 days - he's not mad, and not making me feel bad- just kind of worried I think.
Although he can be a real asshole, generally he is really supportive and sweet. I don't want to mess the whole relationship up with my drinking.... I think he's being more supportive because I've been so emotional about the whole drinking issue in the past week or two and I also admitted to him I have a real drinking problem.
Admitting my drinking problem makes me so sad... I feel like I can't control myself, and the realization that I have such a big problem just makes me feel like crying - I wish I didn't have so mahy problems and addictions (alcohol, smoking, food).
Why have I been struggling for so long when some of my friends can just live their lives and not worry about these things??? I get kind of angry when I think about how much harder it is for me. I've also struggled with depression for such a long time. The two (or three, or four) are connected, no doubt about that.
I guess I vascillate between feeling hopeful and feeling sad/angry/crying.
I just don't know what to feel - I haven't felt "normal" or even "ok" in such a long time. I don't think I know what that feels like.
Arghhhh - another long post - I just feel like I have so much to get off my chest!
Nancy
The good news is I received my copy of My Way Out in the mail today - and I've been reading it and (finally) feeling some hope for my future. Maybe I could do it....
Along with the MWO book I also ordered two books from the Moderation Management folks - I definately feel like I have some hope - because I cannot see a future w/o alcohol - it seems too depressing, but the idea of being able to moderate is so great.
Although I'm drunk right now, I'm really surprised at my boyfriend's response to my drinking over the past 3 days - he's not mad, and not making me feel bad- just kind of worried I think.
Although he can be a real asshole, generally he is really supportive and sweet. I don't want to mess the whole relationship up with my drinking.... I think he's being more supportive because I've been so emotional about the whole drinking issue in the past week or two and I also admitted to him I have a real drinking problem.
Admitting my drinking problem makes me so sad... I feel like I can't control myself, and the realization that I have such a big problem just makes me feel like crying - I wish I didn't have so mahy problems and addictions (alcohol, smoking, food).
Why have I been struggling for so long when some of my friends can just live their lives and not worry about these things??? I get kind of angry when I think about how much harder it is for me. I've also struggled with depression for such a long time. The two (or three, or four) are connected, no doubt about that.
I guess I vascillate between feeling hopeful and feeling sad/angry/crying.
I just don't know what to feel - I haven't felt "normal" or even "ok" in such a long time. I don't think I know what that feels like.
Arghhhh - another long post - I just feel like I have so much to get off my chest!
Nancy
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