No Support??

[rosamunde]

Hi everyone,
this is only my second time here.
My partner doesn't want to hear me saying that I'll never drink again. He says it will happen again and again and we end up in an argument. I don't know what to tell him. I don't want to drink again, I want to find a way to be happy without a drink. I understand he does not trust me anymore, but I need his support right now. Maybe that's not fair on him?? I don't know what the right way is. Should we not talk about it? He thinks it will happen again and I can't cope with that. I'd rather do it on my own.

Please help.

[tea]

No Support??

Rosamunde, you know that you are not alone here, not ever. Your partner will not want to hear you say what he/she has heard over and over again. Actions are all we have left to show our loved ones. So consider today the first day of the rest of your life... and .... don't ONLY show your partner, do it for YOU, if you do it for YOU then the rest just kind of slinks into place. So, first of all take care of YOU... Only YOU can do this, NO amount of partners/family/friends can make you change. It is a HARD old road BUT thankfully you HAVE found Your Way Out. Follow the programme, read the posts/threads - so good to have you here. Take care of YOU.

Lx

[lushy]

No Support??

Hi Rosa,

My advice would be to stop talking to him about it and just do it. Through your actions he will see you are serious. Perhaps you could also ask him to not be so critical because it makes you feel worse about yourself.

Good luck!!

[tea]

No Support??

Grrr Lush and I cross posted. Damn that Lushy women. Ok, Ok I surrender, I know my place.... I am toast, I am toast, I am toast.... oh, erm .. and tea too....

Lxx

[Reenie]

No Support??

I used to say the same thing to my husband. One day, my husband told me he had enough. Once again, I promised him I wouldn't drink again. I took a good look not only at me and my drunken actions, but also how my behavior effected him. Not only was I destroying myself, but destroying my marriage and my husbands feelings towards me. I thought back to all of the times my husband came home from a hard day of work, only to come home to a drunk wife. Ugh... What a scene. I put the shoe on the other foot. How would I feel if I came home from work to find my husband piss drunk, talking up a storm, making a mess in the kitchen, being beligerant and overall a slob? I would kick his ass out of the house. That is what I would do. Fortunately, he didn't kick me out, and fortunately I have kept my promise for 118 days so far. I come to this site every day to read the posts. I read a lot of AA material and on occasion go to AA meetings. Please try to think of "Your Wellbeing and Future". Also, think about how your destructive behaviour is effecting your partner. Do you want to continue hurting him or her? Start taking care of yourself. You are Worth It! - Reenie

[rosamunde]

No Support??

Thank you all,

I know I can do it, am just so angry with myself for letting it go this far.

Luv xxx Rosa

[rustop61]

No Support??

I think it was Lucky who said go ahead and do it and show him by your actions. Sure it would be great to have his support but you have all us guys and this is a journey you are going on not him. I have not told my hubby about this programme, he is a social drinker who can stop. My problem is that I dont have an off button at times but as its my problem not his I feel I should be the one to deal with it. Good luck and keep posting.

Rustop

[Guest]

No Support??

Hi rosamunde,
Is a tough situation to find ourselves in, but I guess we really have to consider the other side of the coin. I know before I quit for real, I was forever saying I would quit, yet repeatedly letting people down.........when we disappoint the same people over and over, it`s understandable that they lose all confidence in us.

But the last thing you need right now is someone hanging around just ready and willing to say, "I told you so!!!"

You`ve got all the support you need right here for now. If I were you, I would quietly get on with quitting on my own and tell my hubby only when I felt relatively safe with the quit.
Don`t get me wrong........is tough-going to quit........we all need enormous support, so until you can prove yourself to gain support from your hubby, come to the site for help.......there`s always someone around at any time of the day or night.

Try to remember, it`s not that family don`t want to support us, it`s just that they get browned off with all the let downs.

Now!!!!.........let`s see you show that hubby of yours just what you`re made of!!!

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[Beaches]

No Support??

Hi Rosamunde,
I decided to do it on my own as well so I wouldn't have to deal with the faces or words of "I told you so". My own words to myself were much more hurtful than others could ever be and I didn't need theirs to compound the whole situation.
Wrap you head around this, make it your goal and do it.
Best of luck and we are here for you.

[hippie37]

No Support??

When I gave up drinking Rosa the initial decision to do that was my own; there were certainly other outside factors that played a part in that decision but it was me that decided to quit. My ex partner became very jealous of the time I spent on forums getting advice and support as she felt she was being ostracized because people on the forums understood me better being alcoholics themselves. It only brought about friction and arguments because she wasn't a part of my recovery, even though I tried on many occasions to involve her!. Talking from my own experiences I feel we have to include our partners 100% in this otherwise the frictions will only drive a deeper wedge between you and you will certainly drift apart as you are the one doing the growing and your partner will be left behind. You both have to grow and learn together on this and his encouragement should be unquestionable! Don't forget it can be just as hard for a partner as well to adapt to your new approach on life. But personally I do think you need him with you on this one! And if I had all the answers to that one I would write a book about it and make millions!

As far as the relationship side of things go try this site. Relationship Advice I'm in no way insinuating you have relationship issues here but I found it useful with my ex when I first gave up drinking!

I know this maybe not what you need to hear right now as well but if he's really not that willing to get on board and support you then there are obvious conclusions I can see happening.

I hope all goes well for you Rosamunde and remember that this is only my experience and thoughts as is others. The ultimate decision is down to you

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

p.s. Also if you may be thinking "Well it obviously didn't work for this guy or he wouldn't be single again". My partner and I had issues that went way back and were probably some of the reasons for my heavy drinking if the truth be told!! We had drifted apart a long time ago!!