FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

[KAT20]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi Spiritgirl and Shelby, Spirit, Don't you dare call yourself a failure. My therapist called what I had been doing the past year was precomtemplative. I tried and fell off for over a year. And yes those feelings of failure and self loathing were there. Each time I think I got alittle stronger and more aware of what AL was doing to me and that he did'nt belong in my life. You can do this, you are a good person and deserve this for yourself. Shelby, good job at the race track. Outing are always tough, especially when you can't control the surroundings. That proud feeling you have is what keeps me going. Had to remember sometimes when the temptation is right in front of your face. Good Job. I'm doing that Sunday stuff with ya, I always get alittle of the End of the weekend blues. At least its not the day in bed with a hangover like in the past. Take care all.

[SpiritGirl]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Kat and Shelby ~ thank you for your kind words. I cannot get over how low I feel today. I keep crying. Honestly I feel like since I joined MWO, I feel even worse when I slip because I feel more ashamed. I feel compelled to share because thats what we do here. However, by doing so I am embarassed by being in the company of so many successfully AF people. I can't seem to do it. As hard as I try I keep failing. Over and over again. I feel like a failure time and again.

[caysea]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

hi spirit girl nothing to be ashamed about.I had 2 years of starts and stops .yes i have a small run going right now but most of all i have the knowledge from each time i slipped back .I know i won't let my guard down in certain situations . yes i will take antabuse if it is going to be a very high probability that i will not be strong enough to stay AF.I only gained this knowledge from trying to control and failing.Ashamed no, educated yes. poor planing if you keep falling for the same trigger and don't beat it .
Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting

[57Shelby]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Spirit Girl, Please understand that I am ONLY 8 days into this!!! Right now I am riding a wave of success and positive feelings. I had many years of exactly what you are going through. I completely understand what you are saying about feeling worse by sharing. I have felt and still feel quite often when I am reading that I will never be as successful as a lot of the people here. But, I know I will never get there unless I keep trying. I learn something every time I come here. Just keep coming, keep trying, stay open to the possibility that some day this will all come together for you. We have ALL been exactly where you are and you have nothing to feel ashamed about. None of us here are going to judge you. We are always harder on ourselves than anyone else. Be nice to yourself today. Get out of the house, get some activity, do something that will make you smile.

[SpiritGirl]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

I am really having a bad day. I appreciate so much the support you all are giving me. As I read your posts, I am moved to tears. Just really beating myself up today. Thank you again. For caring about me. I will keep coming back. I want to learn more and I want deperately to move closer to living an AF life.

[Eastender]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Spiritgirl,
I have just logged on to read, as computer playing unfair at the moment.
I really feel for you, as you feel right now, I have been there many times,
If you go back far enough on this thread,I was no different from you.
Al covers a lot of our emotions and when we stop drinking they bubble away to the surface. Then comes the tears.
I spent days and still do very tearful,Please don't feel embarrassed or that you have failed in some way, You body is trying to heal itself.
Tomorrow is another day start afresh ,You can not do anything about the past, its gone. You can only change the future.
I had my first drink 10 days ago after being AF for 69 days. No one is perfect and it does not come without a fight. Keep trying YOU WILL DO IT. Just don't give up trying,thats what will eventually bring you closer to what you want. Even 1 day AF is a BIG achievement. Don't be too hard on yourself, WE are our own worst critics,
AL may have won this weekends battle but that does'nt mean he has won the war!

Take care of yourself

Eastx:l

[lukalee]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi Firecrackers!!!!
You're so right East. I have realized this week just how much nicer we are to others than we are to ourselves. Why should we treat ourselves different than we treat others? There is no way I would say the things that I say to myself to other people. We need to be as kind and gentle to ourselves as we are to those we love.

[57Shelby]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Good Morning Crackers!!!! Just a quick note to say hello and off to work. I was totally succesful over the weekend. We start week two today. Hope everyone has a sparkling day! I will check in tonight after work. ((((((((Hugs to all!!!!!!))))))

[cowgal]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

good morning everyone!

I have not checked onto this thread FOEVER!! Hope everyone is doing well, just wanted to pop on and say hi to all my LOVELY Firecrackers!! hope you all have a great day...............this begins day 6 for me, loving the AF status, forget when I am drinking how AWESOME I feel in the AM. Even if I only have 2 beers, I feel crappy anymore, so no more for me right now!

love and hugs,:l:h:l

MA

[KAT20]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Good morning friends, Had to change my avatar to this cute chipmunk. My little dog has been on the hunt this morning and did not want to come in so I could leave for work. Its a hot one hear in the Cleveland area, humid too. Can't really complain as we have waited so long for summer it seems. 34 days today, seems weird counting after 30 but my therapist said that was still healthy. What ever works. Working on 60 now. I am sure my body is still adjusting as I have good and bad days with cravings or mood swings. My therapist sent me to this wonderful doctor Thursday. I say that because she was very personal and spend alot of time gathering mine and my family's physical and mental history before we ever talked about meds. She put me on Cymbalta and Ambiem CR. Both working very well. Tough to tell the first couple of days as she had me go from Paxil over to Cymablta. She said the Paxil tends to make you tired. Never knew that and I was on it for over a year. Sleep has improved with the Ambien and it does'nt give you that sleep hungover feeling. Anyway, happy Monday to you all. Sending strength and love to you all, especially Spiritgirl.

[happydog]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

SpiritGirl;342498 wrote: I am really having a bad day. I appreciate so much the support you all are giving me. As I read your posts, I am moved to tears. Just really beating myself up today. Thank you again. For caring about me. I will keep coming back. I want to learn more and I want deperately to move closer to living an AF life.

Hi spirtgirl... There has been many times i have felt like you in the past. There was one person that pm me when i first come here and give me support with very kind words there was one thing he said to me, we all fall down get up and dust yourself down just keep on posting dont beat yourself up over split milk no perfect..... well i took his advice and kept on posting so here i am today 57days af.( Feeling a bit tearful now, but in a good way.) So if i can do it , so can you. Hang in there. Its funny i really miss his post always made me laugh.

TO ALL FIRECRACKERS HAVE A NICE DAY,

MUCH LOVE

Teadrop.x

[SpiritGirl]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi Crackers,

I am overwhelmed by the support you give me. I can say that I feel so blessed to have this thread and to have all my new "cyber friends"... Sometimes I feel as hard as I try I am still on the vicious cycle of falling down and berating myself. The difference that I have now, is that I have a safe place to come to, be honest with others (causing me to be honest with myself). I feel better today (as usual!). And I am standing back up - however, I give that credit to all of you. I did not stand back up - all of you extended your hands (through your words of support) and pulled me up. For that, today, I am deeply grateful...

Have a happy Monday...

[57Shelby]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi All Crackers!!! (((((SpiritGirl)))))) So glad to hear you are doing better!! Cowgal, Kat, & Teardrop, sounds like you are all doing well, too. Good work on your AF days and progress. I am done with day 9!! That is the longest I have ever gone. Actually the longest I ever went was 6 days.

I had a stressful day at work. An employee who is still on her 90 day probationary period is wigging out. She has a lot of things going on in her personal life, and has missed a lot of work. We run a tight ship and have high expectations. She was MIA today and I think she is going to quit. I am ok with that, because I do not think she is the right fit for our office. But, I am going on vacation in July and that is always difficult, as I am the practice (dental) mgr and seems like all hell breaks loose every time I go away. We will just have to pull together and make it work. My vacation is all paid for. I am going to see my daughter. NO WAY I AM NOT GOING!!!!!!!!!

There, felt good to get that out!!!!! Well, off to bed. Didn't get much sleep last night. Stayed up too late and then didn't sleep well.

[rustop61]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi Firecrackers

Was away for the week-end so have a lot of catching up to do. My cousin was dead a month and we had the mass on Saturday. It was a very emotional day, first time at the grave for me as I live three hours away. Then we all went back to her house for tea etc. Her step daughter had sorted out a lot of stuff. She gave myself and two daughters jewellery beloning to her. Then there was other stuff and she thought her girlfriends might like to take things they had given her. Her nurses watch was there and I had bought it for her when she started nursing so she gave me that. Very emotional!!

Did not manage to stay AF but am back on track since yesterday. Very, very busy as daughter has started in the stables so thats two long trips each day and other daughter is still doing exams! Lots of painting etc. to be done so am going to get stuck into that. I have found it hard to motivate myself the last few weeks. Shelby you are doing great, you too Spririt, stick with us. As Teardrop said, dust yourself off and keep posting. Sweetpea, East, Fby, Lukalee, Mad Mummy and anyone else I missed, big hello.

Rustop

[Mad Mummy]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi Crackers, have been mainly outside the last few days as the UK is having something called "Summer" I think....!! It has been glorious.

Glad to read your posts and see you're all still battling along - hope to check in again later.

Luv to all
Bx