FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

[sweetpea]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

:hug: Morning All

Just can't seem to throw off the blanket of depression that has settled on me the past few days. I had been doing extraordinarily well and was getting to quite a happy settled place. Maybe I should have stayed AF and not tried to go mod at such a difficult time of year. Every other day there seems to be something going on that includes having a drink, but we all know there is no such thing as a drink because it turns into so many more. Then you hate yourself for being so weak willed and the cycle starts again:nutso:

I am pretty busy today but have decided I must having to have a really good session with the tapes and listen to them daily plus taking the sups again. But I will not have time today so will start tomorrow. It is a double edge sword when you need to really do all the things you should do to help control the drinking you haven't got the time - which really should't happen because above all you should make the time - part of the depression you loose the will to do things you should do:argh:

Anyway got that off my chest and must move onto getting into a more positive frame of mind. I know you all understand so I don't feel like I am wingeing on, it is just such a relief to be able to say exactly how you feel without being judged as a total looser. Thank you all so much for your support it really does help and is greatly appreciated xx

Suki you will probably have guessed that I didn't make AF yesterday but hope that I will get there today - so you will be 2 days in front so well done to you

Eastender how are the preparations for the builders coming on? Don't feel a fraud because you are in good company at the moment - we are all struggling but are very much there for one another so you have not let us down because we all know how hard it is, ODAT hopefully today we shall be able to stick together and fight the bl**dy beast till he Naffs off.

Teardrop how did you do with day 1 AF well I hope

Rustop how many days are you AF now. You have been doing so well we are so proud of you

Wakeupmom thank you so much for all your positive comments they really do help and it does make me realize that I have done it before so there is no reason why I can't dust myself down and start again. As you say it is a journey and falls will happen along the way. I haven't started on the TOPA yet but is always an option. I would prefer to manage without if I can

Debruce you are really doing well keep up the good work. As you say 5 days AF a week is better than 7 under the influence of the beast AL. It is such a huge improvement and a base that you can work from. Well done

Finsky not heard from you in a long time how are you?

And to everyone else we have not heard from in a long time how are you doing? Keep us posted

Bye to you all

LOL :h Sweetpea XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[happydog]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Good morning everyone,

sweetpea: feel a lot warm now I'm at home. I went dog training last night but needed to buy bread on the way home could not help myself, but only bought two cans of cider normally it would be a lot more. Try again tonight. Sweetpea we all understand and we are all here for you.
Well done debruce, 5days out of 7 is very good. keep it up!
Eastender: There is always today. today i will start again!
Rustop, so proud of you well done.
Suli, keep up the AF days.
Wakupmom; so good to see you pop in, and your support helps a lot!

Take it easy everyone.x
Love
Teardrop.x

[Eastender]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi sweetpea Teardrop and everyone,
Having a really bad day today!
I got up this morning 6am scrapped the ice off the car and took my daughters rather hung over friend Home.
I reflected on my night last night and decided AF TODAY!
Took daughter to station and went into chat whilst waiting for builders.
Phone rang and my rather upset mum in law told me to keep calm she had something to tell me.
My estranged son(of his own decision) was moving out of his girlfriend 's parents house after almost two years and needed a bed for the weekend.
She had no more details than that but she would update me asap.
On returning to chat for a short time the message came up ERROR 783 and could not get back in Kept telling me still logged in! HELP!! I do not know what I did wrong!
The builders have still not arrived and it is 10am. Arrrrrrgggggggg

Thanks for your words of encouragement Sweet and teardrop and I am sorry about you feeling so down. I am having real problems with positivity myself and yet more s~~t hits the fan!
I will join you with the tapes tomorrow sweetpea I need the stressbuster soooo bad.
I WANT TO STAY AF TODAY SO I CAN COPE.
Can anyone help re the chat problem?

Love Eastx

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Sweetpea, Rustop, Eastlander, Wakeupmom, Teardrop, Debruce and all else, yes, starting day 3, but like you, Sweepea, there was a blanket of depression over me when I woke up, in addition to the down comforter with flannel duvet and the layer of cats!

Usually, it's anxiety in the morning, not knowing what they day will be. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the weather, cold, rainy, icy, two snow storms to come between now and Sunday.

There are 5 holiday parties for work here during the next week, not going to any of them, not in a cherry mood, but also too tempting.

For those of you how might not have stayed AF lately and for those of you who have, it's all a process. Sweetpea and Eastlander (take out that word fraud from your vocabulary, please), you better not think that you let us down. I know that it is because of you that is why I am here. It's a process, every step whether forward or backward or just standing still is part of a process that will teach us all something about ourselves, which is a good thing.

debruce, I too know that I can't just have one. The party tomorrow night is at this fabulous restaurant in Boston, once your ordered a drink, a waiter would keep your glass filled all night, who cared about the amazing appetizers. Last year it was Cosmopolitans for me with grey goose vodka. Don't know how many I had. You what, doesn't have any appeal. (Can't tell if I "getting it" or it's the holidays blues and I'm alone again.) I'm actually looking forward to coming home to a cup of tea and quinoa. Yikes!

Wakeupmom, I agree with you, trying to do it without topa.

Rustop, you must be over 50 days AF. Yippee, what a feeling of euphoria you must feel.

Teardtop, keep warm and keep well.

Best to all of you!!!!

hugs to you all.

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

East, we must have been posting at the same time, sounds you've got a full plate in front of you today!. I wish I could help you with the chat. Did it once and couldn't wait to get back, but forgot how to get there.

Started to listen to the cds again, went to put on one, realized that it was broken. Stepped on it when I had a few. Oh well, it was on of the subliminal one.

Will be thinking of you today!

[flutterby]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi everyone....Missed you guys :h
Had computer issues for a few days but all is well now.
Glad you are back with us Sweetpea, but more than that, I am glad YOU are glad you are back working your program.
It appears that this will be a roller coaster month for most of us. I'm going to get through it by concentrating on the positive.
For example:
Good times + AL = Less good times, eventually approaching zero.
Good times - AL = More good times ad infinitum.
Simple as that -- yet so hard to wrap our collective "pea" brains around. (With all due respect to the sweet one). But we also know that our goal is achievable!! Witness our fellow MOWers wakeupmom & ru.

WE ARE FIRECRACKERS AND WE CAN DO IT!!! :yay:

Let's do it together. Time to get serious.

xox
Fby:beach:

[Eastender]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi Suki & Flutterby,
Thank you for your words and thoughts, Having pretty tough NOISY day.
Suki I think you are so right about the process, Bit like childbirth, I suppose ,you hate the labour, Its long tiring and at times you feel like you could die. Once its all over you forget it ever hurt at all! (well not as bad as it did LOL)
And YES WE ARE THE FIRECRACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!LETS GO!!!!!!!!!GET SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!

Eastx

[flutterby]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi firecrackers,
Okay. Who wants to take the challenge? This is a tough month but we are very tough souls or we WOULD NOT BE HERE!!! Some of us seem to remain in a chronic crisis mode no matter if we have had a drink or not --present company included. What if we just accept that we are, for whatever reason, alcohol challenged. So why not stop testing ourselves?? Don't think about it -- Just STOP NOW!! Maybe after a while, we can decide if moderation is an option. Who wants to take the AF path with me? We will experience all kinds of anxious moments but we do ANYWAY! What can we do to make it easier on eachother? Anybody have any suggestions? I want more than anything to become AF with my MOW buddies. Who else is up for this? If we keep up with our supplements and stay strong for eachother, don't you think we can make a difference?? If we can't do it now, then when???
xox
Fby

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

I finally feel like a Firecracker!

Today woke up depressed, starting day 3. Had my supps, had a cup of tea, breakfast, got to work early, realized as I was doing the paperwork that m b-i-law was supposed to help me fill out, and he had screwed it all up, I wasn't stressed about it. Usually a HUGE trigger for me, sis and b-i-l, not helping out. Hmm. About an hour later, I had a phone call from a lawyer in my lawyer's office, telling me that the real estate agents, friends of my late mom who I hired to sell her condo were speeding up the law suit against me. They want the commission of a sale that fell through, that in their documents said that I as seller, would get the entire deposit, if sale fell through (in addition to the commission they got when the condo sold in 2 days after putting it back on the market). They wrote the damn document themselves. Normally, I would get all stressed and wonder how soon I could get out of work to go buy some AL. But this time, I got really mad. Said to myself that no money-hungry, sleaze bag, classless hypocrite was going to ruin my plans to stay AF. It dawned on me that the anger was good, it meant that I felt stronger and more in control. Came home and made a cup of tea. I want a drink, but not enough to have one.

TWO HUGE snow storms coming before Sunday, usually, I'd be at one of my favorite packys (I'd rotate, so they don't think I'm a lush). What could better on a snowy weekend, than lighting a fire, drinking, watching movies. And I wouldn't want to run out.

So, here I am, being a windbag again, but feeling really good about my reaction today.

I love this thread and everyone here, your support and inspiration are so important to me. I might slip again, I'm sure I will, maybe even tomorrow, but I know that this is the right journey for me, the right place to be. I might even to earn to like myself again!

Sweetpea, thanks for being such a fabulous cheerleader!
:h :h :h :h

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Flutterby, I guess we were posting at the same time. I never stopped drinking before, because I never wanted it bad enough, I didn't think I could do it, had no faith in myself. But you are right WE ARE TOUGH, that's why we are here. I've been in a constant crises mode for the last two years, and it was a perfect reason to drink.

I used to come home and do two things, make a drink, turn on the tv, well three things, keep making more drinks.

I'm with you on this challenge. The turning point has been the buddies on this thread. Yes, we can hep each other. yes I thin we can make a difference i each other's lives. Great post, thank you!

[sweetpea]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

LETS GET SWITCHED ON TO AF MODE

:teeter: Hi Firecrackers

Flutterby is right it is NOW we need to get into the AF mode - NOT TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK or EVEN NEXT MONTH. I have began to realize that attitude of mind is by far the most powerful tool we have in this fight. I don't know whether I started trying to get into MOD mode too quickly, or if it is the time of year with the excess of parties and drink around OR whether I will never be able to moderate. At this stage I have no idea but what I do know trying to THINK IN MOD MODE is not working for me. I have had a very stressful time over the past few years and have suffered from deep depression so my mind is in a fragile state anyway. I doesn't take much to upset me or make me think I am completely worthless but I do know I need to start building up my confidence to give me the strength to confront my demons head on

I know full well from all your post that everyone else out there is suffering in very much the same way - for different reasons obviously but the fragile state of our minds, confidence and ability to deal with the stress in our lives is causing us all to self medicate on booze

So my faithful warriors it is back out with the fighting irons :bat and give the :alf: beast a good hiding. I am not going to set myself up to fail (you know that is my favorite saying) to say that I am not going to have a drink over Christmas BUT I am going to switch my brain into AF mode and really have a good go at consuming as little as possible or none if I can remain strong enough. I will keep you posted. Attitude on mind is the key.

SO WHO IS WITH ME AND FLUTTERBY ON THIS QUEST

Teardrop well done on only buying 2 cans that at least gave you control of what you were drinking well done

Eastender how are you? Sorry you were having such a bad day yesterday with the builders and all the family stuff going on. Such a bad day for you but your post has helped me focus on what we need to try and do for ourselves. Families grind us down and we need the strength to deal with it. It takes a lot of understanding that HEY actually it is not us that always has the problem. Other people cause us problems because we take on their issues when we are at a low ebb. We feel that somehow we should be doing more but sometimes it is better to let them get on with it and make the first move. Obviously every situation demands different strategy's but we must start trying to make ourselves feel stronger to deal with things. So winging your way are some huge viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibes of strength and love to help you.

Flutterby thanks for the good advice YES WE ARE FIRECRACKERS AND WE CAN DO IT. I think I had lost my sense of direction so yes lets go for it. I just loved the poem and yes we should be gentle with ourselves

Suki what a fabulous post you are doing so well. It is marvelous to see how positive you are becoming when dealing with the problems you are up against.

I just loved that you said
"I love this thread and everyone here, your support and inspiration are so important to me. I might slip again, I'm sure I will, maybe even tomorrow, but I know that this is the right journey for me, the right place to be. I might even to learn to like myself again! "
WE ALL FEEL THE SAME THANKS

To everyone else keep strong keep focused together WE WILL DO IT

:h Sweetpea xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Cinders]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Sweetpea,

I am with you guys!! I need to stay AF and keep myself balanced and happy with it.

You are right, the mental aspect is the toughest one. The supps and the drugs only help a bit but if you are not committed to it, you can't do it.

So, all, I am on the AF ride with you guys and glad to be here!!

Love,
Cindi

[Suki411]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Thanks Sweetpea, what an inspiring post. Thanks, but I wish I felt this morning, the way I felt last night when I posted. Woke up last night around 1:30 am. Wanted a drink so badly. Made me think of all the times I would wake up and finish the glass on my bedside table. If empty, would make another one. If McCarthy Brothers were open at that time, would have called for delivery.

Cindi, Sweetpa, you are right about the mental aspect being so tough....... I woke up feeling so hung over, funny since I'm starting my 4th day AF. When I woke up last night kept thinking about the lawsuit, everything I need to do about settling the estate, plans changed after talking to my lawyer, called my sister, I can only imagine the conversation over the table last night at dinner. Toxic people or words have no place in my life right now. I need supportive ones.

Big snow to hit this afternoon, which probably means that there will be a street emergency, meaning I'll have to move my car to a designated parking lot, so they can plow the main streets. Problem is.....the parking lot is a block away from McCarthy Brothers. So easy to stop in and buy a bottle.

I'll just have to imagine SweetPea jumping up and down in her cheerleading uniform :yougo: outside of McCarthy's singing "Walk On By" to me, than as I keep walking she'll be singing Patti LaBelle's "New Attitude". (Must listen to that song today, several times. It may be day 4 af, but it is day 1 for my attitude)

Cindi, you are right, balance is important.

Flutterby, I'm still with you on your challenge, and it will be a challenge for me today.

East, hope all goes well for you today and the same to the rest of the Firecrackers.

2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate......Sweetpea, Sweetpea, yeh! :H

(So sorry for that, only cheer I know). Again, Sweetpea, thanks for yet another inspirational post. Feel a bit more positive already. I will try to keep strong. I WANT TO BE AF 5 TOMORROW.

:h :h

[rustop61]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Hi Sweetpea, Flutter, Suki, Cindi, Eastender and everyone else.

Thanks for the inspiring, positive posts. One of the reasons I find MWO so helpful is because even if I'm not feeling great reading such positive posts gives me the boot up the ass to get my act in gear. Count me in.

Rustop

[flutterby]

FIREWORKS - ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME FOR 30 DAYS AF

Good morning all,

RU --That's what we all need... a good boot up our backsides... and make that a steel toed boot! We need to be gentle in our hearts but tough in our minds to keep the balance we need to walk the walk. Just imagine you are walking a tightrope strung between two tall buildings with no safety net. A slip would not be pretty.

Suki -- great idea... I'm going to do the same thing when the beast is in my head.
Everytime I pass one of the bazillion convenience stores that call out to me on my way to and from work I will imagine all the Firecrackers surrounding it singing "Drive on by" . When I do, I'll look in the rearview mirror and there will be four smilies (because that's all we are allowed :-) giving me the positive energy I need to let it go.

:yougo: :wd: :goodjob: :clapclap:
Sweetpea, Eastender, Suki and RU

Thanks guys.... for all your support. And here's all my good vibes back at you
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Fby