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**weemelonhead** · October 27, 2007, 02:25 AM

Reached a sticky point

Good on you for stopping Bessie......if you are anything like I was, the mixer would have been discarded anyway...who wants it watered down?????

It sounds from your post as though you are really starting to get control over your drinking, analysis after slip ups is all part of the process...if you didn't care, and weren't determined to see this through...you wouldn't be looking at your actions as closely as you are.

Be proud of yourself....I have been sober for over 10 months and realise that to keep this as my lifestyle, I must constantly examine myself and my reactions to situations to ensure that I am always prepared.......the booze monster slips in when you least expect, and may always do so...that is part and parcel of the condition.

Get back on your horse bud........well done Bess

Much love...Weemelon

**The Londoner** · October 27, 2007, 03:01 AM

Reached a sticky point

Dearest Bessie

I just wanted to send you some encouragement as I know how bad you feel today.

I am now 60+2 days free of alcohol and as a regular drinker for some 35 years (it scares me to write that down! 35 years asleep?) I know you can ride this!!

I would strongly recommend that you do 30 days AF asap. I read that you are going on holiday and I for one would not have been strong enough to start AF under such circumstances. So my advice is, try not to be too hard on yourself at the moment, you are thinking about your drinking patterns, taking stock and wanting change and that is good. Work out when it is best for you to do a longer stretch AF and there will be loads of people here who will join you and make it possible with advice and support. Plan for it, prepare for it,do it! Hey, why don't you post your plan here, we'd love to see it! It is said we are more likely to do something when we write it down. Set a date!

I have decided to head for 90 AF to give myself more time before considering "to mod or not to mod". Fortunately I am not going on holiday with drinking friends! I can take an evening out with some drink around but mainly I am much more involved in non drinking activities with non drinking friends and it is a revelation! I'm learning Italian and going to the gym and socialising much more.

It must be marvellous to be on horseback early in the morning with a clear head! Maybe we should get together a UK MWO riding activity group! (big LOL-once was enough for me-much more frightening to be up there on a horse than to give up alcohol-no wonder you initially found the latter easy :H )

It would be interesting to know whether any of your friends are worried about their drink intake-maybe someone else would like to drink less with you, moderate during the hol? Can you talk to any of them about this? Just a thought! Its just that since giving up Alcholly (rhyming slang for Bolly?)it is amazing how I seem to attract/be more aware of others who worry about drink as a poison and potential health risk- as someone (in common with many others who post on the MWO site) who eats healthily it made me feel quite schitzo to eat well by day and drink by night.

End of ramble. Bessie be assured we are thinking of you and wishing you the very very best and I hope you are okay today, lots of water as we say, be kind to yourself and then go tame that horse!!

love from Anna:h

**Bella** · October 27, 2007, 03:12 AM

Reached a sticky point

Bessie, at least you stopped when you ran out of mixer. A few months back, I got into the whiskey, when that was finished I started on the gin and was happily pouring it without any mixer. Oh and trying to hide my drunkeness from my husband! Sometimes its hard work drinking to excess! Anyway, you have a horse? how great is that! The few times when I have ridden my friends horse, I have loved the freedom of it. Cantering is the best. Its good you got straight back on him after being knocked off. Just do the same with the drink.....easier said than done eh!!! all the very best to you. Bella xxxx

**Bessie** · October 27, 2007, 07:50 AM

Reached a sticky point

Bless all of you for your positive replies. I am always encouraged by those of you who are on long AF stints. It gives me hope that I can get there too.

Weemelonhead - when I read your comments I realised that I have already accepted (in my head) that I will have to be constantly vigilent of my actions to ensure that my reactions aren't based in booze. Until I have done a decent length of time AF I won't know if I can successfully mod or not.

Ciao Londoner. ? buono che state imparando l'italiano. Una lingua bella! (not sure that is gramatically correct - forgotten most of my Italian) I most certainly will post my plan on here and invite anyone and everyone into my 30 days when I get back from this holiday. Will have the supps then. I have got friends who are worried about their intake but - and this is going to sound disgustingly selfish - I think they will, unintentionally, sabotage my efforts by expecting me to give up when/if they do and I can't afford to risk that. I am sure I can do it via MWO - I will tell friends about the boards but only in a sort of vague way.

Bella -

Sometimes its hard work drinking to excess!

LOL! Having a horse is certainly fab (if a bit of a money muncher!) and, along with my dogs and other livestock, do mean that I have to put something else before me which does often help limit the alcohol intake.

Thanks again all. Bessie.

**Guest** · October 27, 2007, 08:37 AM

Reached a sticky point

Bessie, your drinking is just like the encounter you had with that horse. Somedays it will throw you, you just have to get yourself together look that beast in the eye and say "NOT TODAY" Stay strong my friend, the thing is this beast of alcohol is really a coward, we just have to learn we are stonger than it and we have the real power. I have been where you are, and mixed anything short of draio with my vodka, so totally understand
Smiles
Mar

**lilnev** · October 27, 2007, 12:17 PM

Reached a sticky point

You're still off to a good start, and it sounds like you've got the determination. Stop and think about why it got out of hand last night, and how you can avoid such situations in the future. You don't have to be stronger about overcoming temptations, you have to be smarter about avoiding them. And the line that hit me was this: "... and I promised myself one drink as a reward." You were planning to start drinking! Yes, you were planning to stop right after starting, but that made it much, much harder than it needed to be. I strongly recommend against using booze as a reward system. Find something else that you enjoy. Now, back on that horse, you're still doing well, and I'm looking forward to hearing about your success.

peace,
lilnev

**Bessie** · October 28, 2007, 05:41 AM

Reached a sticky point

Lilnev - you're right of course. It is pretty nuts to be using something I am trying to avoid as a reward. That's been the pattern before and it has always led to more than just one reward. I do have a problem seeing anything else as a reward but can think of - long hot bubble baths, ice cream, good books, chocolate. Going to start a new thread to see what other people use to pat themselves on the back.

Simey bear - I get strong/cross with the horse when he does things to unseat me. Need to be strong with the beast when he tries it too. Different, because the beast is in me but still can use the same pool of strength (I hope!)

Bessie x

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