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[shelbysmiles]

I have read the book and ordered the supplements and cd's.

For the first time I feel like there is hope.

I have struggled with this for too long. I am 31, mom of two and I drink way too much. I drink to get away from stress. I have realized that my drinking is the STRESS. I'm freaking tired of the panic attacks, the anger, and the shame.
My story is the same as many of you. I started drinking in high school. Loved it! Loved the feeling of having no cares. I met my husband at an early age (22). He was (is) very successful. I continued my drinking. It did not matter how happy or sad I was. I just needed to drink.

I remember one time he took me to Napa Valley (oooh Heaven) and by the end of the day I was so trashed I did not remember my dinner.

I thought that starting a family would bring me to my senses. And for a while it did. But within a matter of weeks (I went to a Duran Duran concert and got pissed when they cut off the drinks) I was back to my same habits.

Stayed sober whlie I was pregnant with my second child. (who is at the tender age of 4 months).

I love being drunk. There, I said it.

What I do not love is the hell it is doing to me. When I'm hungover I yell. I'm an ugly person. My babies do not need to grow up like this. This is why I have taken the steps to be a better person.

All I want is to be sober. I have not decided if AF or moderation is best for me.

(This is me asking for help) I would really like to talk with someone who is in my shoes or has beeen there. I"m dedicated to gettting my life on track. I'm not asking for a sponser (AA does not seem to be my type of thing); I just would like to talk to moms who have turned their lives around.

Olivia

[AMELIA]

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Hi Shelby and Welcome!!:welcome:

Yes, so much of what you have written rings true for me too.
Although I am not a mum yet (thank god), the way you have described you drinking history sounds pretty much the same as mine. Yeah I like having quite a few too, but its is the consequences that have started me along to road to getting to a better place with my drinking. Cause, if we do drink to excess again and again, there sure are consequences.

Very impressed to see you have already read the book and ordered the CDs etc.

This is a great place for support - it is fantastic. We are all pretty much in the same boat, so you will have a lot of people that can empathise with your situation.

There definately is hope here and honesty, humour and much, much more!!

x

[beatle]

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Welcome ShlebyS

Yes, there are many here with similar stories. For the parents here, many are motivated, like you, by their concern for their children. It's a big motivator. Many members have become sober and will give advice, while many are just beginning like you and will share in your struggle, and many (like myself) are "getting there" but still not where they want to be. All will help you along the way. It's up to you now to keep yourself moving forward. And keep coming here.

[paula]

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Welcome Shelby,
you have taken the first step. My children are grown up , and are ok. But I have done
things when they were younger that I'm not proud of. I was mainly an occasional binge
drinker when they were small, but it did get worse. You can stop before it gets worse.
Best wishes Paula.

[hippie37]

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Hi Shelby

I've cut and pasted my story here for you to read. I am an Alcoholic and I cannot moderate my drinking at all. I connected with the lifestyle addiction bit in your post as I was exactly the same as you where I was afraid to change my lifestyle for fear of loosing my identity. It's been a long and hard battle for me to come to terms with this sobriety lark but it has turned my whole life around. The biggest reward is that I'm finally getting to know my 3 year old daughter and be a part of her life ( even though I have recently seperated from my partner). I'm connecting with her and making time for her instead of fitting her in around my drinking schedule, which was nearly 24/7 a lot of the time. You sound like you have lots to keep you busy anyway with a new baby on your hands!. You may connect with some of my story, the drug bit I'm not to sure about!!!. I was more a user of drugs than an abuser and I never got to to addiction stage with them. My biggest addiction is alcohol. There is a thread you may of missed as well being fairly new here called "A drinking problem or a thinking problem". I only joined this forum 2 weeks myself but I feel right at home here and everyone has made me feel extremely welcome, (some more than others, who are currently in the process of trying to adopt me!!!!). As you can see we also enjoy a laugh on here at times and in my opinion it all helps in keeping our spirits strong.

I wish you well Shelby and remember if your not willing to put the effort in to controlling your drinking it simply ain't gonna work. There are no quick fixes and we need to be vigilant and keep thinking positive no matter how hard that may seem at times!!

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

Here's my story..........



Like a lot of people I tried numerous methods in trying to reduce my intake of alcohol, keeping drink diaries etc. etc. which all resulted in failure. After a week-end of total annihilation (which involved many other substances as well) I was left fighting for my sanity in hospital. I had overdone it with the cocktail of recreational drugs and alcohol and, as all to often happens, the doctors treated me like a suicide case because of the excess. After about a month of being dry and recovering from the experience I then went to an appointment made by my doctor to see a psychiatrist at a hospital called Clatterbridge Hospital which was well renowned as a 'place for loon-balls'( as well as a place where you could also pick 'magic mushrooms' on the fields at the back!) The psychiatrist could find nothing 'mentally' wrong with me and gave me the 'all clear'. I already knew this and only wanted help with the reasons why I took things to excess. (It has taken me years to fine tune my 'highly addictive personality' to what it is today!)
I eventually went for help at an outreach program called the Arc (which was also a methadone clinic) in order to try and combat the drink and drugs. I spoke to a great guy called Colin who was an alcoholic himself and he offered to meet me and take me to my first AA meeting. It was held at St.Catherine's Hospital in Birkenhead (the same place as the Arc). I was sh*t scared! but true to his word he met me outside the gates and sat with me the whole meeting introducing me to a few people he knew( although he knew them all I think!) I got so much out of that first meeting even though I was still bewildered about the big book and the 12 steps and EVERYONE who spoke that night I related to in some way. I came away feeling great and with the feeling inside me that FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME! I kept going back and listening and trying to make new friends but I found this more and more difficult as my paranoia was getting the better of me. I'll never forget the time a lady next to me started to speak and suddenly it was all eye's over this way and I couldn't handle it. But I was stuck in my chair and I couldn't move because if I did everyone would then know I had 'freaked out big-time'. I avoided that lady like the plague the following week!. Even though it was December and the nights were cold and miserable and I was battling my paranoia as well I still kept going back to that meeting; forcing myself at times because I knew these people understood me there. I continued at this meeting (my regular Tue. evening at 7.00) and a few others around the Wirral area. I had no means of transport and no real income apart from my benefit every 2 weeks and most of that went on fares getting me to meetings. I had no help or offers of lifts to any of the meetings and out of the whole 6 months I attended I only shared 3 times; twice in my regular meeting and once at a daytime meeting in Liscard at a church hall. I was still no clearer about the program and how I should go about the 12 steps and getting a sponsor (which is something I didn't feel comfortable with anyway). After 6 (nearly 7 months) of AA I decided I was 'cured' and I was now ready to handle the drink 'head on'........WRONG!.
Looking back I know I didn't even get past the first step. But I know this was down to the fact that I never really wanted to give up. I was going through the motions for everyone else's sake and not my own. I didn't really want to change or rather I was afraid to change my lifestyle and to be honest I still enjoyed getting high and pissed and being a thorn (as I perceived it) in the side of the 'system'.
The following years I spent taking the usual 'accepted' street drugs only this time around I was 'chasing' heroin, taking 'e's and GHB (GBH as it is better known) all at the same time. I found myself drinking more than usual, 'super strength' lagers and ciders being a favourite. I was also taking Seroxat for my depression as well and so again the cocktail of drugs and drink were really screwing with my head big time. I stopped the drink/heroin/GHB package deal after My Dad nearly beat the living sh*t out of me after an argument with my mum almost ended in me launching her backwards down the stairs. The seroxat wasn't helping either due to my excess drinking and I bare a few scars today on my wrist and torso when 'calls for help' where being made. Without fail about 4 years ago I ended up back in hospital due to amphetamine poisoning. I finally realised that my heart wasn't going to give me a third chance at messing up so I finally admitted that I needed to kick the drugs in the head. I still couldn't though, even after all I had been through. My drinking was the real problem and at the heart of everything. I couldn't stop binging and every time I had a drink I needed drugs as well mainly 'e's and coke because they prolonged the drinking sessions. Even when my ex-partner and I decided to try for a baby and all through her pregnancy I still couldn't/ didn't want to give up. That's when I started being devious and hiding the drink and ,looking back today, it's probably the time my relationship started to deteriorate.
Anyway to cut a 'very long story' long I finally 'woke up and smelled the coffee' about 2 weeks into my sobriety. I finally had the strength to look at my life and see what is was doing to those around me I cared for and loved. I realised I had put my partner, at the time, through hell for the last 2 years of our relationship. I was only a drunken baby-sitter to my daughter Jasmine and not the doting father I should of been. And, my family where on the verge of disowning me because my mum was close to a nervous breakdown (my Dad passed away in December 2003 and so my mum was without any real emotional support). I came to the decision on 2nd of June 2007 to give up my lifestyle of drink and drugs for a better one. I decided to take stock of my life and came to the conclusion that AA was not the way forward for me. I've always 'crusaded' through life pretty much a loner in my little bubble of what's right and wrong, so I knew damn well being part of an organisation was not going to do it for me. I had grown up a lot since I first went to AA and I knew I had the courage of my convictions to lead a sober and happy life. I still live by the AA principal of 'one day at a time' and although I am not in AA now I still abide by certain agnostic steps which, at the end of the day, any decent alcoholic would as it is the humane thing to do.

I have recently split from my partner and have had one lapse with the drink since I started to abstain from drink. Alcohol is literally a poison to me and I cannot moderate my drinking which is why I choose to abstain.

[shelbysmiles]

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Thanks for the encouragement! I was able to moderate myself tonight. Tomorrow I start the supplements and plan to go AF for the week. I hope to receive the hypno cd's by Monday, which is when I will need them the most.

I'm scared that I will fail. For the first time I'm so commited to getting sober. I have realized that if I do not control this now I never will.

Thanks for all your support...I will need it most in the next few days.

Olivia

[retteacher]

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Olivia: Keep coming here posting & reading. I have been 22 days sober & feel tons better. Mary

[AMELIA]

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Olivia, best of luck for next week!!
Retteacher - congrats on your 22 days. Well done.
x

[rustop61]

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Hi Olivia and welcome

This is a great place. Lots of us have started, slipped, started again. The main thing is that you keep coming back. I have two teenagers and want to be a better Mom to them. You are right to deal with your problem now rather than leaving it as it does get worse. Good luck and looking forward to seeing you on the different threads.

Rustop

[Reenie]

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Shelby: You are on the right track. Post, read posts, read MWO, take your supplements and try, try, try. Don't be afraid to fail. Failures lead to successes. - Reenie

[Bella]

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Hello Shelby. I can relate to your post. You've had enough of struggling. I know the feeling. I think you will find lots of support here. Keep posting. Bella xxx

[gabby1go]

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Olivia,

I am new here myself and have found it extremely helpful. Once you start feeling better on a daily basis you want to start living sober. Exercise helps me a lot. If you feel like drinking get out of the house or get to MWO. Even if I don't feel like drinking I come on to read the posts and get a boost of confidence. Definately take the supplements but don't be discouraged if they don't work the first day. Mine took three days for me to really feel the effects. You can do it!

[AMELIA]

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Hey Shelby, we are all still thinking about you. Hope it's all going well.
xx