How do I talk to my teen about drug/alcohol abuse?

[gettingthere]

Lately my teen daughter's favorite word is 'hypocrite'. How on earth do I, a mom struggling with alcohol's awful grip, tell my daughter not to drink or take drugs????? Last week, my daughters best friend ended up in the emergency room after messing with a couple prescription drugs. I have talked to her before, but now there is more reason than ever to stress staying away from this crap. I am not a daily drinker, but once or twice a week I give in. A week ago I got embarrassingly drunk in front of one of her other friends. She was mad at me for days. I am doing better and feeling optomistic today that with my new meds and other holistic treatments, that I will learn to modify and regain control. But is the damage done to my daughter? How do I not sound like a hypocrite??


Are there other parents of teens out there that can give me some ideas?

Thanks everyone!

[lilnev]

How do I talk to my teen about drug/alcohol abuse?

I don't have kids, but I remember being a teenager, so I hope you don't mind my thoughts....

"Do as I say, not as I do," will get you nowhere. You're going to need to be honest about your own shortcomings and regrets, respectful of the fact that your daughter is now making her own decisions (whether you want her to or not), and still project your love for her, your hopes that she will choose wisely, and your fears of the consequences if she makes the same mistakes you have. Start by apologizing for being drunk in front of her friend. That wasn't cool, you know it, you're not going to do it again. Tell her that you're working on quitting drinking, it's a struggle, and you wish you'd never started. "You've reached that age where you have to start making your own decisions, and when it comes to drinking and drugs those decisions will have big consequences. Be careful, try not to make the same mistakes I did, and know that I love you and you can always come talk to me."

Maybe that advice strikes you as a bit too laissez-faire, and setting rules might work better. You can still admit to having made mistakes and suffered for them, and base the legitamacy of the rules on that hard-won experience. You will have to change your behavior, win this fight with alcohol, to maintain that credibility. At some point, however, you will have to transition from a rules-based relationship to a trust-based one, where your role is to offer advice, wisdom, support, and unconditional love.

peace,
lilnev

[Chief]

How do I talk to my teen about drug/alcohol abuse?

Hi Getting,
Do you want to quit drinking? Because if you do, this is the perfect opportunity for you. You can tell your daughter that you don't like the way you feel or act when you drink, and seeing her friend end up in the hospital has made you decide that you were done drinking. And then you successfully quitting will show her that you not only talk the talk, but you walk the walk. No hypocrite.

Actions speaks louder than words..

Don

[free bird]

How do I talk to my teen about drug/alcohol abuse?

You are the parent and you make the rules that they must abide by. You are wiser and have learned alot by your mistakes. You must admit your mistakes honestly to your daughter and yourself. Simply tell her "I made mistakes, so you don't have to".

I have teenages and believe me they want boundaries, although they will fight them. You need to respect their feelings and treat them with dignity; try not to yell when you disagree when they are really out there. Always listen to their side of the story and then tell yours and how you would do it differently if you had it to do over again if you had a chance.

The is no true science for teenagers or it would be too easy. Good luck.

GO

[free bird]

How do I talk to my teen about drug/alcohol abuse?

It what you do not what you say. They really just want someone to listen to them and hear them --- really hear them.

[Eastender]

How do I talk to my teen about drug/alcohol abuse?

I know how you are feeling and have often thought I was a hipocrite when I advised my daughter that the answer to her problems was not at the bottom of a bottle. It is the hardest time being a teenager as well as parenting one they are by nature secretive.
I have always been honest with my kids My eldest son now 25 does not drink, my middle daughter 23 enjoys a drink but can take it or leave it. My youngest (daughter) 17 drinks to excess. I do not understand the mechanics of the problem because a drinker myself I have two sisters and mother who do not drink. I would also like suggestions if anyone has any?