My story..long too

[imcj799]

I'm a mom of a 19 yo daughter & 15 yo son. Married almost 22 years. I have always consumed alcohol since I was a teenager. The funny thing is, I don't crave it physically but mentally I do. (is it considered addiction when you mentally want to drink?) Mine's the same story as a lot of posters here. I look forward to the evening when I can crack open a bottle of wine, or make may Vodka and diet (diet is less calories, right?). I love the buzz. What I don't love, especially lately is the fact that I know I'm slowly killing myself.

About 5 years ago, I joined Weight Watchers for the millionth time. Only this time, I actually got to goal. I did it while still allowing myself my nightly "highballs", but for whatever reason I was able to control my caloric intake and exercise like crazy (was training and competing in triathlons) to have successful weightloss. Forward 6 years later....I'm back at a unhealthy weight, I've not been exercising as consistantly as I have in the past & I allow myself to consume alcohol. To make matters worse, when I'm buzzed at night, I eat whatever I feel like (that's the weight gain). I am at the point where I will be walking down the street and looking at people and asking myself, does he or she drink? If so, how much? If not, how is it that they avoid alcohol all together?

I want to be that person that doesn't drink. But, when I think about the social events..i.e. NFL footballs games we go to, dinner out with friends, camping trips, etc. I don't like the thought of having to give up alcohol and that great buzz for those events. With that said, my logical side says "yeah, that's a problem". I just want to know who else out there has these same "demons" haunting them. What do or did you do to really become AF?

I'll add that my alcohol consumption hasn't ever affected my work or responsibilities, but I concerned that if I don't get a handle on this, it eventually could. I certainly have those mornings where I'll talk about something as if it was never addressed and my son or husband will say "we told you that last night". Not good.

I would love to hear from others. I am reading the book and I have ordered the CDs and supplements. I feel numb right now, but not hopeless.

[july232007]

My story..long too

imcj799,

Your story seems long but is quite similar to many here at MWO. You will find support and aid from others who are and have been where you are. I know I have.

With the book and supps. You are off to a good start. Posting here is a great next step.

Your question is a good one: addiciton physical or mental? The use you describe is a mental addiciton, in my opinion. One , albeit, you can fight against and win. It is a difficoult road for the first few days but if you choose to be alcohol free it becomes easier.

You are a seeker, think of what you have written:

"I am at the point where I will be walking down the street and looking at people and asking myself, does he or she drink? If so, how much? If not, how is it that they avoid alcohol all together?"

It is a bit intimidating to begin change. But allow it to happen , you obviously want to change. Follow what you seek.

MWO has worked for me and I have remained AF for 97 days and hope to remain AF. I started this process with the aid of the books and supps.

For me it is as you express, I just really wanted to be AF.


Good luck and we will all be here for you.

July

[trixietrack]

My story..long too

Welcome IMC I have similar demons trying to convince me that it's ok to waste myself.
but I am fighting back with the help of MWO and all the wonderful people here who are caring and supportive and funny too.
AF is possible . I think the supplements really help you get your nutrition back and your head begins to clear.
come back often and give a report

Welcome

[Accountable for Me]

My story..long too

:welcome:

I didn't think your story was long at all! I can sooooo relate to the walking down the road or seeing people in general and asking myself if they, too, have a problem with alcohol. I do this all of the time - still, even though I am not drinking anymore.

Glad you found us and I hope to see you around the boards!

[Taking Control]

My story..long too

Hi IMCJ

I can personally relate to EVERYTHING you wrote, including joining Weight Watchers and reaching goal 6 years ago!!!

I have not been totally AF since joining MWO, however, I have had many more AF days in the past few months than I've had probably in the past nine years put together. Along with the book and supplements, it is a whole mental reframing process much like in the Weight Watchers program.

tc

[Reenie]

My story..long too

Welcome IMC: I also can relate to your post. Give yourself a pat on the back for knowing you have a problem and want to do something about it. In regards to not being able to drink during the NFL games, camping, social gatherings, etc... It's hard not to drink at first. With some AF days under your belt, you will soon realize how much better you feel. You will have more clarity and will lose weight as a result. When going to a social event, mentally prepare yourself to drink club soda, diet soda, water, etc... As the event progresses, take note of how people's personalities change after a few drinks. It's kind of annoying. Some people slur, get sloppy, talk too much, repeat themselves, etc... When your sober you can wake up the next day with a clear consciounce (sp) and be greatful that its not you who's waking up with a headache or are remorseful for having said something stupid. As your AF days go on, you become stronger because you are feeling good about yourself. Take Weight Watcher seriously again. Use that as a reason why you are not drinking if people ask. Also, when mentally craving alcohol, "treat yourself to a Cappuccino at 7-11 or Starbucks. Boy are they good. Tonight is Halloween. I have family and friends coming over. While the kids trick or treat" in my neighborhood their hang here to drink beer & wine and eat chili. It's a tradition I started in the neighborhood 7 years ago. Anyway, I won't be drinking. I have my club soda and cranberry on hand. It's been over 4 months for me since I last had a drink. Mentally I feel better. I also lost 5 pounds. No longer do I eat out of control. Sure, I miss the taste of alcohol. Especially Vodka and red wine, however, it is getting easier and easier to abstain. I can see with the people I socialize with, that they too might have a drinking problem. I feel for them, and I don't point fingers, but I'm grateful that it is no longer me who's the talk of the town. The longer you go AF, the more people are impressed by you. Lots of people want to cut down on their drinking. They admire those who either completely abstain or moderate. Some where in this post, I lost one of my main points.... Talk about long! Please know that you are bright, that you can do this, and that we are all here from you. MWO is a good place to write openly and a place were people have been there and done that too! You will receive lots of great advice. - Reenie

[retteacher]

My story..long too

Hi imcj: For me, alcoholism was progressive. When I came here to MWO in April, I was drinking a 1.5 bottle of wine 3 - 5 times per week. I was blacking out frequently. I didn't admit I was an alcoholic right away. Until recently, I didn't commit to a totally AF lifestyle. I am a person who cannot stop once I start. I now see no alternative to an AF lifestyle. I cannot moderate. Keep coming & you'll sort out what's right for you. Mary

[lupine]

My story..long too

Hi imcj799,

I know what you mean by it being a mental addiction rather than a physical. This is day 4 AF for me and I haven?t had any physical symptoms just a feeling of loss of my nightly ritual. I feel like I?m missing out on something when the evening comes and I want to have a drink or two or three etc. I?ve managed to ignore those feelings the last few nights and was very happy with myself the next day. I?m taking the supps and have topomax on hand just in case.

My original intent was to do the 30 days AF and then make it a rule in my life never to drink alone which would reduce my alcohol intake by 90%. Now that I?m into it I can?t imagine myself abstaining when the first social event comes along which might be this weekend. I don?t think I can remain AF and that I should just stay home. I think I really need this 30 days AF to break the nightly habit.

Anyway, I saw myself in your post from the weight issues, to worrying about what I?m doing to my body and also wondering about other?s drinking so I thought would say Hi.

Lupine

[Cinders]

My story..long too

IMC,

Just because you do not have physical withdrawl does not mean you are not addicted, it just means you are not that far down the path.

ALL of us have the worries you talk about, being in places with friends and associates and not being able to drink in order to "join in, relax, have fun."

Just to give you a clue, my husband, who is not an alcoholic, has no problem not drinking at those kinds of things. He still has fun, believe it or not. He just does not like to drink. (Weird, I know....)

So, it sounds like you may not be "physically" addicted, which means your body is relying on the crap to get by, but you are "mentally" addicted, which means your brain has become accustomed to the drink. It is all one in the same.

However, I say this with much trepidation because this is a slippery slope, if you can work the RJ program and moderate, then that is awesome!! We have many people here who can and do that!! But (being a mathematician) I can say with a high level of confidence that most cannot.

I do hope you are in the group that can moderate. I truly do. I will hate you forever but what the heck, you do not know me from Adam so who cares??? Just kidding.

Please stick around and do whatever it takes to figure out where you are and what you can do. I am hoping with all my heart you can figure out how to moderate. If not, then, hey, just go AF. LOL Much easier said than done, but definitely doable.

In either case, you are more than welcome here and we will all be glad to help you in anyway we can.

Cindi

[Cinders]

My story..long too

IMC,

Good heavens, I read my post and it sounds flippant.

I did not mean it that way at all.

What I was trying to say was, figure out what you can do reasonably. If you can moderate, go for it. Many here do and do it well.

If not, consider what it will take to make you abstinent. (I hate that word, myself..)

But, no matter what, you do not want to keep going down the path you are. There lies many dragons...

Cindi