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Tears of a Clown

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    Tears of a Clown

    Hello to everyone,
    After reading posts for the last three days and getting lost on the site(technophobe) I decided to work out how to enter my story.
    I stated drinking cider at 13 ,seeing how great a time all my relatives had when they drank. Born in the Eastend of London a Pub was on every corner and everyone in my enormous family enjoyed a drink and the get together at regular intervals.
    I always associated having a drink with fun and reward until one night, tit could could bring out the nasty side in other people.
    I stopped drinking for a while and married young at 18 which failed after a year( No connection with drink), Even at such a young age I remained strong and continued to be responsible paying mortgage and looking after myself.
    I met and married my husband of 27 years three years later and had three kids now twenty five,twenty three and seventeen. In the earlier years we drank socially mainly at weekends without any problems.
    After an argument about a family business some 15 years ago when we nearly lost everything our drinking started to increase. We started our own business ,got out of debt and after working 7 days a week long hours saw drink as our reward. Our business is doing well and we want for nothing.
    My husband has never to this day had problems with controlling the amount he drinks he either falls asleep or is physically sick if he has too many.
    I on the otherhand can drink copious amounts of alcohol (usually 1-2 bottles of wine these days) but mainly after work in the evening when cooking the meal or watching TV.
    I have functioned well all these years never missed any work or school functions my older children in very good jobs and quite balanced young people.
    As our business is run from home I spend quite a lot of time by myself,and once the older children flew the nest spent even more time by myself.
    Family and friends always enjoy our company and we are not short of social invites , but our alchohol consumption has steadily increased.
    I started college part time at the ripe old age of 47 when I obtained some five new qualifications and was so proud, but still I continued to drink every night not seeing any problem.
    In the last 2 years my youngest daughter fell in love with drug addict who mentally and physically abused her , She ended the relationship after she had an abortion.
    She started to drink with her friends herself on occasions to 'cheer herself up' and I felt so guilty about my own behavior I then tried to moderate myself, and realised that I could not .
    My fathers advice to me was that drink was no longer my 'friend' and that I should cut down .I know this not possible so I have obstained. I am on my third day today and am scared of withdrawals as I have never gone AF for more than 2 days. I will order the book today but feel a bit lost! I was 50 years old 5 weeks ago and am desperate to change my drinking and be the person I was before. I feel out of control.
    I showed my husband the website last night and said I would write my story today he smiled and had a beer !
    I do gone on a bit ,but I feel better for telling someone how I feel. How healing this website is!
    In life we can live out our dreams its true
    the one who decides,takes chances,makes choices is YOU.

    #2
    Tears of a Clown

    East: My story is similar to yours...I'm a little older & am retired after a long, successful (in spite of the drinking) career as a teacher. My husband does not drink very much either. I came to MWO in April, had a rocky start w/many slips & restarts, but am now 27 days sober. Keep coming here posting & reading. Mary
    PS: Incredibly, my daughter was also deeply involved w/a drug addict for 7 years when she was younger. She left him when he od'd. She learned to live a new way & is now married w/2 kids.
    Wisdom, Courage, Strength
    October 3, 2012

    Comment


      #3
      Tears of a Clown

      :welcome:

      Eastender you have been very, very brave and made that first step. Lots of people will be supporting you all the way

      reteacher is right keep posting and reading

      27 days is fantastic you should be very proud. Hope I can be as good as you when I start AF on 5 November

      I think stress playes a major part in all our drinking habits. What starts out as one drink to wind down ends up out our control, without us even thinking about it, or realizing it is happening. One day you think, how on the hell did I get here. Trouble is booze is socially acceptable - but - it is still a drug - like smoking. So much has gone into getting people to quit smoking but not the bottle. I think it is about time they looked at how much misery it causes. Had I had it drummed into me at an early age how addictive it was, maybe, I would not be where I am today

      Anyway take heart. You will get loads of support

      :h Sweetpea xx
      :flower: Keep strong and focused things do get better and you will find your happy :h

      Comment


        #4
        Tears of a Clown

        Retteacher; Well done for your 27 days and thanks for the reply and sharing about your daughter I was beginning to wonder if I had not posted properly I am not good with computers.
        In life we can live out our dreams its true
        the one who decides,takes chances,makes choices is YOU.

        Comment


          #5
          Tears of a Clown

          Welcome, Eastender!

          I am so glad you found this site. You will find many, many women with similar stories and the resolve to change our lives. We support and guide each other through the uncharted territory of living a life without alcohol. There is never any judgement, nor one right way to make this journey, but we will be here for you as you chart your way through this.

          Please ask a lot of questions, stay close to the boards. Feel free to PM (private message) us if you have any questions you don't want to post, and most of all be kind to yourself.

          Namaste,

          MM
          Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

          Comment


            #6
            Tears of a Clown

            Hi Eastender

            You know I love that name...You know too you are not alone here. There are so many people in the same boat with you as so many before me have stated.

            Looking forward to hearing more from you.....

            Um.....could you ..... maybe.....fill me in on the soap......?????? Okay, maybe later...

            Best of luck to you

            G

            Comment


              #7
              Tears of a Clown

              I've been known to tip a bottle or two as well, but I am now on Day 4, and actually feel really good -- I have not experienced any physical symptoms of withdrawal, except for the lack of a good sleep, but I've noticed that every night gets better. I'm certainly not an expert, but perhaps now shouldn't be the time to focus on fear of withdrawal -- just see how it goes. And, don't forget to drink plenty of water.

              Comment


                #8
                Tears of a Clown

                Thanks for the input sweetpea, medit mama and freebird - yes let me know where you are in the soap freebird and will update.
                Lbj you were the story I read yesterday that inspired me -will not forget you only a day behind you!
                In life we can live out our dreams its true
                the one who decides,takes chances,makes choices is YOU.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Tears of a Clown

                  Hi Eastender & :welcome: to MWO, I was exactly like you last year, but I had progressed into drinking during the day as well ....... Not good ......

                  I found this place last november, had a bad start in december but managed an AF spell in January. I made a pact with myself that I would never drink alone again and never in secret, and apart from 1 slip last july (incidentally I had some wine in the morning and got straight on here so it didn't turn into a major bender) I have stuck to it, my hubby and I share a bottle of wine some evenings but I don't feel dependant on the booze anymore ....,

                  All thanks to the wonderful people here .....
                  sigpicXXX

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Tears of a Clown

                    Hello Eastender. You sound like your life is fairly forfilled but drinking moderately has gone to higher levels. It is easily done. I used to drink 2 bottles no problem. Until, like you I tried to stop. I used to drink with my husband in a 'normal' social way, then sneakily drink by myself and hide the bottle behind the curtain! I don't think that is quite right!!!!! I used to think about drinking ...too much. I found this site back in Feb and it has stopped me from becoming too lonely. Alcohol abuse can be a lonely old business because we are all so ashamed of feeling out of control. Totally stupid really, when you think how many people do drink. Its sad that we feel like this. Anyway, my advive to you would be to keep reading. You might be able to relate to some stories and everyone here is friendly and most importantly, non-judgemental. Glad you found this place. Get your husband to join too! Bella xxxx

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Tears of a Clown

                      :welcome: eastender!

                      I wanted to say hi and welcome you to the boards. You will find a lot of strength and support here!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Tears of a Clown

                        Hi Eastender and welcome! I can so relate to so much of your story. Like you, my husband and I have our own business and we work from home. That became a very slippery slope for me. By the way, congratulations on your success with your business!! Hopefully we will get the chance to chat more about that positive stuff as we work our way down the path to sobriety.

                        I found My Way Out during the summer and managed 60 days Alcohol Free, then I fell off the wagon. It has taken me almost 2 months to climb back on, but today is Day 1 AF (Alcohol Free) for me - Round Two!

                        There is a helpful section on this site regarding Withdrawl, and what kinds of things to look out for. I did not have any issues the first time around except for a frustrating lack of good sleep for awhile as LBJ mentioned, and an insane craving for sweets. If you read the section here about withdrawl, you will have a very good idea of what to look out for that would require medical attention. And you can also let your hubby know what to watch for so he can keep an eye on you too.

                        WE CAN DO THIS!!

                        DG
                        Day 1 AF
                        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


                        One day at a time.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Tears of a Clown

                          Eastender, it's great to have you here. You are going to do fine, I can just tell. You've got the "attitude". And you have us all here.

                          Regarding withdrawal, I am the queen-knowledge source here, but, you probably will be fine if you EAT well, take your supplements, and try to rest as much as you can. If you want DETAILED information, please PM me.

                          Doggygirl, holyshit where have you been?
                          Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                          Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Tears of a Clown

                            Welcome Eastender! I love your Father's advice. That's why I'm here. My "friend" alcohol stabbed me in the back so I'm taking out the trash, so to speak.

                            You will find so much support and wonderful people here. I've only been a member for a week but I feel very comfortable here.

                            Olivia

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Tears of a Clown

                              beatle;218092 wrote: Doggygirl, holyshit where have you been?
                              My head got stuck in a Vodka bottle. The Booze Beast is a tough one. But I'm back, I'm wearin' the obligatory Fugly Green Suit(for my butt kickin' today) and I'm gonna beat this thing. Not wanting to go through the first days/weeks of quitting AGAIN will be good incentive to keep it AF from now on. That's my goal.

                              Good to see you! I also read that you are liking the Kudzu - that is great news. It will take me a while to get caught up!

                              Eastender - sorry for hi-jacking your thread!! I hope you are having a great AF day. One day at a time is how life happens, and it's how our sobriety will happen too.

                              DG
                              Day 1 AF
                              Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                              Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07


                              One day at a time.

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