First time posting--trying for day 3

[vegasmom]

Well, here it is day 3, and I am really wanting a beer--actually about 12... I have been on the kudzo but my actual issue is 5pm when my husband calls and says he is coming home. That is usually the point in which I start drinking or shortly after he gets home. I stay at home with my 3 yr old, and this has been the pattern since he was born. I drink on average 4 days a week, but can plow away a 12 pack in no time.

I am sure that I drink due to stress, anxiety, and my husband being on the computer for 5-7hrs each night and 10-12 hrs on weekend days doesn't really seem to be helping that matter too much. And him thinking that my drinking is our only issue is the reason I am trying to quit--I FULLY ADMIT THAT MY DRINKING CAUSES A BIG ISSUE, but it hurts my feelings so bad that he doesn't realize how hurtful it is to ignore me and our son every single day and just how nasty he gets when I try to talk to him or communicate my feelings when he has "dialed out".

I truly do not know what to do with my time anymore--I have always drank while I cooked dinner, and seem to maintain to take care of my son until he goes to bed. I AM SO BORED NOW!!! I feel that when I drink, it is the actual only thing I do for me--to help me cope with being lonely and feeling like I have no life. Now I am eating everything in the house!

He is not the most supportive person in the world, and although I love him very much, I hate that he acts like he is so perfect and would never let this get out of hand if he were the one that drank more than occasionally. I am somewhat resentful--although I am not trying to sound like I am using an excuse, but I feel that if he dialed into our family and homelife after our son was born, this wouldn't have gotten to this point.

I know that I need to deal with the stress and anxiety, but being married and feeling like a single mom is really too much to bear--I shouldn't have to miss my husband when he is sitting 12 feet away from me on the computer playing stupid Warcraft.

I have sat here reading so many posts since I found the site on Monday, got blasted on Tuesday, and started the kudzu on Wednesday--I don't know if this cold turkey stuff will work, but I am giving it a shot.

Sorry if I am rambling, as you can tell, I really don't have anyone to tell these things to.

[wonderworld]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Hi Vegasmom-
Glad you found this site. :welcome: And good to meet you. I've only been here about a month, and am finding it so helpful. Day 3 is a really tough one for alot (most?) people from what I've read, including me. 3 and 4 actually were my toughest.

Sounds like you're off to a good start with the MWO program. Hopefully that will help in time with the other 'issues' on your plate. I'm sure other people here will have more helpful things to say...... husbands are not an area I know too much about!
Keep reading and posting.
wonder

[12many]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Hi Vegasmom!!

Welcome aboard. You've found a great place. I'm fairly new here myself, but I've gained tons from the group.

Keep on posting. You'll get some outside connection and tons of support which sounds like just the ticket.

Don't forget to try chat as well. There are members all over the world, so there's someone on at just about any hour.

Cheers,
d

[minx]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Vegasmom, congrats on your 3rd day! I'm very new and haven't even tried 1 day yet....3 days sounds awesome from where I'm sitting.

Except for our choice of drink (I'm a wino), our husbands and marital issues seem very similar. I just had that argument with mine last night...it's as if he thinks the ONLY problem in our marriage is my drinking. I don't know, I know it is a big problem (that's why I'm here) but I know if I do get alcohol free we're going to have tons of other issues to deal with. His negative, grumpy nature being one.

Anyway, I hope you'll keep it up! I quit smoking about 3 months ago and I went from missing them every minute to only thinking about them a few times a day. All that to say, it's gotten a lot easier and I hope it does with drinking too.

[Preciouspinot]

First time posting--trying for day 3

:welcome: Vegasmom and Minx. Lovely to have you both in our little community.

[minx]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Preciouspinot, thanks. I love the line in your signature!

[Barbell]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Any suggestions to make it through days 3 and 4? I'm on day 1...so far so good. :new:

[july232007]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Vegasmom, minx, Barbell,

Welcome. Days 3-5 are tough ones. You have to want to get through them, reading the book and taking the supps. helps many people. Give yourself plenty of room. If you feel anxious or a little off--fine. You are making a major life adjustment. You can get back to being your best self later.

Vegasmom, talk with your husband about this. It is important, more important than the damn computer games. He can help by taking some of the load off you. Maybe he does not believe that the change you seek is real. Be direct and specific. "I need your help with ___________, because I am working really hard at not drinking today, it is important to me. It is important to our marriage."

Good Luck I'll be pulling for you.

July

[Doggygirl]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Hi Vegasmom and welcome! This is a great place to come and talk strategy and support with people who share a common problem. My husband is also a very light drinker who can take it or leave it - and usually leaves it. We've had our moments where he drifts toward that place where all problems are my problems with drinking right at the top of the list. I'm re-starting my alcohol free life right now (wrapping up day 2) after a hard fall off the wagon that lasted about 7 weeks. BUT..I did have 60 sober days this summer, and I think you will find that being sober can make a huge difference. Of course I can't predict the outcome for your situation, but taking the booze off the table in the discussion is probably important so you can get to the bottom of things. I am back trying to kick this again (and hopefully for the last time) because life really WAS a lot better, simpler, easier, etc. for that 60 days of no booze.

Anyway, it's worth it - do your best to hang in there.

Welcome minx and congratulations on quitting smoking!! I quit that too - last February 26. That is The. Hardest. Thing. I have ever done EVAH in my life. Good for you.

Barbell, I agree with July that the first time around for me, days 3 - 4 were the hardest. That's another reason I'm so determined to stay off the booze this time - I dont' want to go through these early days over and over and over. Hang in there! I could kick myself in my own butt for blowing it.

Anyway, welcome to you all and WE CAN DO THIS!!

DG
Day 2 AF after the fall

[minx]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Doggygirl;218828 wrote: Welcome minx and congratulations on quitting smoking!! I quit that too - last February 26. That is The. Hardest. Thing. I have ever done EVAH in my life. Good for you.


Anyway, welcome to you all and WE CAN DO THIS!!

DG
Day 2 AF after the fall

Awwww, thanks! Quitting smoking...I'm still kind of amazed it happened and that I did it (so far, so good). I hope one day soon I'll be able to say the same for the damn wine/booze, lol.

Good for you for the time you were sober and getting back up on that horse now!

[free bird]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Hi Vegasmom, Sounds like you started drinking more after your son was born and you decided to stay home with him, which is a very noble thing to do and what I believe is the best thing for the child. I am also assuming this is your first from what you have written, which dramatically changes a relationship between two people. Communication is so important at this point -- good, honest (nice) communication. Talk to your mate and tell him how hurt you feel and lonely when he leaves you alone at night after tending to a very young person all day; you need some adult company, not booze company.

I really don't mean to sound so preachy and assuming and if I am wrong, forgive me. I just see your drinking as a symptom and not the problem.

Leaving alcohol behind will surely clear your mind too only see the situation more as it truly is.....Remember it takes baby steps and patience. Your journey is just beginning and I congratulate you on taking your first steps as they are though ones..

Best of Luck to You

GO

[Eastender]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Hi Vegasmom,
Congrats on day 3,
Men really are wired completely the opposite to women ! I know this from my husband, son and father and they will not always see any problems or your veiw of things until its pointed out to them.
I go along with freebird and talking would be a start but maybe when you feel a little bit stronger. I say this because I am on my day 5 AF and feel c..p today My discussion with my 17 year old daughter after she spoke unkindly to me under the influence of JD herself last night ended in an argument ! I should have picked a better moment........
Good luck to you

[Doggygirl]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Eastender;218930 wrote: Hi Vegasmom,
Congrats on day 3,
Men really are wired completely the opposite to women ! I know this from my husband, son and father and they will not always see any problems or your veiw of things until its pointed out to them.
I go along with freebird and talking would be a start but maybe when you feel a little bit stronger. I say this because I am on my day 5 AF and feel c..p today My discussion with my 17 year old daughter after she spoke unkindly to me under the influence of JD herself last night ended in an argument ! I should have picked a better moment........
Good luck to you

Congratulations on Day 5! Sorry to hear of the argument with DD. I admire anyone who can quit the booze (especially these early days) AND carry on with being a parent, etc. I don't have kids so I sort of get to hide out and just tough through it. My hat is off to you Eastender!!

DG
Day 3 AF after the fall

[Roz]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Welcome Vegasmom - sometimes husbands don't realize how hard it is to stay home with a 3 year old. I teach 3 year olds during the day and can walk away from their energy when i get off of work at 3:30. My kids are all grown and i can remember when i was in your shoes with the kids at home. Even though we love them to pieces, it's a very lonely place to be. I can relate when you said that your husband thinks drinking is the only issue in your marriage. My husband feels like that too. He doesn't realize that HIS family was a HUGE issue and still is a HUGE issue. I'm going AF on monday and am really motivated to staying AF. Good luck, and just think that you are not only at MWO for yourself but for your precious 3 year old - they grow up toooooo fast - enjoy him while your sober - they do know what's going on!

[Cheebs]

First time posting--trying for day 3

Why Does Day 3 Have To Be On Saturday???

I am also on day 3 but, I feel really good. I am just really afraid of what the night will bring! I think I will keep my computer on. This really is a great site with so much support. Keep on going. I will!!