Please help!!!

[xEmx]

Dont know if this is the right place for this but, i cant cope anymore....... Me and my hubby have a drink prob, he will admit it but he wont address it! i have been trying to give up and be AF but, finding it impossible, we have both had afew drinks now and i have been talking to him about things, and he has done his thing (again) when he says i go on and on, i just said what do i go on and on about he said "i dunno" he is just trying to upset me so that i be quiet coz his programme is on! i feel so upset and down, my hubbies list of priorities are him,food,tele, football, his kids, my dogs, my kids, his mum, and i come somewhere very last, this makes me quite upset sometimes, like now!
i need help!!!

[july232007]

Please help!!!

xEMx,

You do sound like you need help. Help for you, help for your marriage and your husband needs help. But your help starts with you.

Can you go AF for a period without him? You say that you find that impossible. Why? Impossible because of hubby? Or, is there another reason? Finding a way for you to be AF has got to be the best way to gather insight and perspective for you.

You will find support here even if you can't find it at home to be AF.

You are not alone,

July

[meditation mama]

Please help!!!

This is a good place to start! It does sound like you are ready, and you have to be. I, personally, believe that it is very important to get some AF days under I belt so I can make some solid decisions when I feel like things are not balanced. If you feel like you are last in your husband's life, that is one thing, but you must be first in your own. So, come here tomorrow, post again, stay with us and let's start a dialog. We are here for you!

Thinking of you,

MM

[xEmx]

Please help!!!

thanks you two, i think the way things are going we are going to stay together for the kids til xmas but split after, i can't cope! he says such nasty things when hes had a drink, stuff that isnt even true, just been in tears upstairs, now i dont wanna talk to him, yet alone sleep in a bed with him ( thats all we do ) im only 30!!! i need a proper relationship where i dont come second to a can of cider, and im ready to do it, even if he isnt, i can do it on my own, i dont have much choice,

love Em x

[xEmx]

Please help!!!

not only that i gave up smoking 7 weeks ago and i really wanna smoke tonight, ......tut , i wont though, xxx

[wonderworld]

Please help!!!

Deep breaths xemx! It's late, and you sound very upset, understandably.
You are taking actions to improve your life, and the really good things take time to materialize. But they will if you keep at it! Quitting smoking is fantastic - well done on that! And 30 is so young! You have lots of time to figure things out. Try, if you can, to keep the focus on YOU and what YOU need right now, separate from hubby. You're not going to be able to 'fix' that tonight. Drink some water. Try to get some rest. You'll be able to look at this better in the morning with a clear head.
Hope to see you here tomorrow and hear your insights -
luv, wonderxx

[xEmx]

Please help!!!

oh wonderworld, you make it sound so easy, i cant cope. my hubby spends all night on ebay (he reckons) then comes to bed and snores sooooo bad , its really loud he has no consideration for anyone else ( no change there then) he does what he wants when he wants

[shelbysmiles]

Please help!!!

xEmx-I know it is hard. Try talking to him when you are both sober and in a calm place. You are doing a great thing for your kids trying to be AF. If he will not support you then you must try to do it yourself. My husband can moderate. I can not. If he decides to have a glass of wine I simply go to our room. Try to find a seperate place in your home where you can concentrate on yourself. You can not change him. I know you do not feel it now, but, you are strong enough to do this. You can cope. It took a while to develop this habit of loving alcohol. It will also take a while to break the cycle.

Take a deep breath. Try to get some sleep. Put you and your kids needs above everything else. You can not take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself.
You can do this!

Olivia

[raoul]

Please help!!!

Hi xEMx,

I don't know what I can add to what has already been said, but what I can say is that the advice about putting yourself first is true. If you can't look after yourself then you can't look after anyone else. It sounds to me as if your husband is more than a little selfish, shit it just sounds abusive!!. Make plans for escape. No one should be treated the way that you have been and if he can't see that then he does not deserve you. Fine for me to say I know but I have three broken marriages and countless relationships spoiled by the booze and the way it made me selfish. I too am looking now to the future. I'm not one of those people who say forget the past, though. I think we have to learn lessons from the past, put the lessons into action and then let go of what has been.

Any way, keep posting here and your friends at MWO will support you through your way out.

Love and best wishes,

Raoul

[xEmx]

Please help!!!

morning all, thank you for the replies, very much appreciated, Hubby and I had a huge bust up last night and have agreed that enough is enough, we will be going seperate ways in the near future, the thing i fear the most now is that his drinking,and mine will get worse due to the stress and i could do without spiraling out of control right now, i am having an operation to break my jaw in less than 3 weeks and ive told the hospital that i drink about 8 cans a week on the weekend, i was too ashamed to tell them the truth i need to be sober and quick! i am going to order the book sups and all the bits i need and just try my hardest, not much else i can do! thanks for listening , i know i go on, but i cant talk to anyone about my problems, so you lot get it :H (sorry)

love Em x

[raoul]

Please help!!!

Hi xEMx,

There is absolutely no reason to be sorry. Life does not always work out the way we want and there is no reason to be apologetic for that. I'm sorry you have to go into hospital for what seems to be a nasty, painful procedure. But cutting back (or out) booze from now till then can be one of your goals for the near future. Each goal achieved will make you feel stronger. Try not to dwell on what might happen when you split from your husband, but focus on positives: no more abuse, no more silences, no more tense atmospheres, etc.

Dont forget, we will be here for you at MWO. Sound off as often and emotionally as you like. There are a lot of good people who have been through similar and can really help.


Best wishes,

Raoul

[xEmx]

Please help!!!

thank you Raoul, to be honest im not dreading the split from hubby im quite looking forward to it coz then i can be me again, if that makes sence, ive forgotten what being me is like, i know its not the person i am now thats for sure, and yes.....you are right, my relationship is abusive sometimes, emotionally deffinately but, it has been physical also but not recently, also alcohol related! I will do what i have to do over the next few weeks and sort my ass out, what he does is up to him! thank you again for taking the time to reply !

Love Em x

[raoul]

Please help!!!

xEMx, you seem to be getting into a good mindset here. I have just read on another thread that you have had a can of lager. Don't beat yourself up over that. People with drink problems want to drink. They can't always help it but they can go some way to learning how to control it. Kids will be in later today? Make a big effort to be in control, happy and tender to their needs. They will appreciate you more for it and should help make the split from hubby that bit easier for all concerned.

Wishing you luck, success and happiness.

Cyberhugs from Raoul xx

[gabby1go]

Please help!!!

xEmx,

You splitting may be for the best. I was married to a heavy drinker (long before I became one) and he was verbally abusive. I knew any day that it would escalate to physical and I decided that I had to have plan. Get AF as soon as possible. Take control of the relationship and yourself and you will be able to make decisions with a clear head for yourself and your kids. (Don't want to sound preachy just know from experience). You can do it. Rely on the MWO to get you through the tough times. Good Luck. Gabby

[xEmx]

Please help!!!

well today has been a bit wierd, my can of lager turned into 4 but hubby didn't know, didn't know i could still be so sly, i thought my sneaky days were well and truley over! Hubby has said he really wants to take control of this before it destroys us, he has promised to try and so have i, so tomorrow is the day, Gabby splitting up may be the only option we have left but we wanna try and see if we can do this, its is the drink that is ruining our relationship we know that, stopping it is the hard part....watch this space, thanks for the advice,

love Em x