New here

[Englishgirl]

Hi All

I have browsed this site for a while now, but have finally got round to registering!!

Not sure where to start really, but I know I have a drink problem. I dont drink everyday - nearly but not quite, but the problem is when I start I dont stop! Then the day after, I have the hangover from hell- and feel really poorly and say never again. But then the day after, I do .

I dont drink during the day, only in the evenings and I look forward to it.

I'm sad that I can't drink normally - trying to work out when it went wrong - I've used excuses like getting older, not being able to drink like I used to. I suppose my real problem is the thought of never drinking again - its a scary thought -

Does anyone know of anything I can read on the psychology of why people drink - or any hints really. I would love to know how to feel great without having a drink because now when I'm drinking I'm not feeling good either at the time and certainly not the day after. I find it scary having to be sober and having fun.

The sad thing is the days wasted - like today - on recovering from a hangover , not being able to do things with the kids, etc - just a waste of time.

Thanks for listening = no doubt I'll post more

:thanks: :thanks:

[Nicole2003]

New here

welcome

Welcome and well done for being brave enough to acknowledge your fears and problems. There are loads of posts on all the subjects you mrntion. Many of us are scared of giving up the drink despite the detrimental effect it has on us. Allen Carr has an excellent book on why people drink and it makes very interesting reading. Good luck and keep posting.

Nicole

[finski]

New here

Welcome

Hi, Englishgirl
and welcome to MWO. I've only been here for a couple of weeks now but i've read a lot of the threads and comments and found out so much of what i needed to know. This is a great place to be for information and also for support, people here are wonderful. So much so that i'm on my day 5 now alcohol free, which i haven't done for years.

I think the best thing for you to do is to keep reading threads that interest you and then maybe think about going for a period of time alcohol free. You don't have to quit totally, and that way it's easier on the mind, not so scary. And maybe whilst being off the alcohol for a while you might find that you don't really want it anymore, or that you might be able to moderate. That's something i'm yet to find out after my 30 days.. We're all individual when it comes to that.

There are so many different reasons why we turn to drink..Mine's loneliness. It's just that the more we drink, the more of a habit it becomes, that's for sure. I thought i had it under control but then found i was unable to stop myself going to the shop for the next bottle or two of wine.. always making sure i had some in the house for the next free period. And like you i once i start i can't stop til i'm totally drunk.
I've kept my job, thank god. I don't think they even know i am a problem drinker. But that's the same story for so many people on this site,, most of us keep working and running our lives as normal (well, it may seem like that to the outside world) but when the evening comes, we hit the bottle...

It may be easier for you to tackle the root of the problem once you stop drinking for a while. It's so much easier to think with a clear head. And don't think of it as you have to stop forever, just that you're giving your body and head a bit of a rest. And whilst you're resting you can start to think about why it is that you drink. If you're really concerned about it you might even want to consider councelling of some sort.

I'm far from the clear yet, but on day 5 i'm doing pretty well and i feel very positive. I'm pretty sure i'll make it through my 30 days and then see how i feel about drinking. I'm taking the supplements recommended in the book but i'm not taking topamax. And haven't needed calms yet either but have that ready at hand in case i get a bit anxious.

I wish you all the success in finding out what you need to. And if you make the decision to have a alcohol free period, or just cutting down or what ever it is, you will find all the support that you need right here. Just keep on posting. I'll look out for you.

Best wishes,
Finski

[AMELIA]

New here

Hi Englishgirl and Welcome!!

I have read many a book on sobriety and to be honest, the hurdle I am yet to overcome is the one that you talk about,....the idea of never drinking again.
I think everyone is different in their reasons for and ways of drinking. I think one of the most obvious things is that by drinking we may be trying to avoid feelings and thoughts that we don't want to have and don't want to deal with. If anyone does that for a long enough time, then the body kicks in (along with the habit that has been built) and low and behold, we drink to cope without even thinking about it. Before exercising, or working through a specific problem, we think, of drinking - cause it's a quick fix.

Are you feeling empty, lonely, angry, resentful, unfulfilled in any way?? Do you have other ways to unwind??
Those are the sorts of questions most psychology books will deal with.
Ask yourself those questions first and if you do come up with some things that aren't working in your life, try to find a way to work through them. Exercise is really important too.

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

[Bluenoon]

New here

Hi Englishgirl and everyone else

Well done for registering, I have done the same today, too. I totally related to everything you said. I am exactly the same. However, the big thing for me is that alcohol is NOT making me happy, even while I am drinking it, as you say, so why do we do it? The days I don't drink, I feel so much better about everything. I feel strong today, particularly after going on this site, but the test will come when I have a bad day at work, which could be tomorrow! I, too, would love to be able to enjoy myself when I go out with friends, without having to get totally smashed, then pass out somewhere, but I think my all or nothing personality won't allow me to do that. Therefore, the only answer is to stay off it altogether, which, as you say, is very scary.

Great to share experiences, though, as sometimes you feel like you are the only one out there drinking that much! I wish you luck, take every day as it comes.

[satori]

New here

Hi Englishgirl and welcome,

Not sure why I drank either - it just was "what one did" while I was younger.

The end result is the same - I became dependent on alcohol to make me able to function "normally" - or at least what I considered normal!.

You say you are scared to imagine life without alcohol - I was the same!
After more than 20 years, alcohol was part (a BIG part) of my life.

Anyway - point is, after a few months here, successfully moderating my intake, I decided to try 30 days Alfohol free (AF) - just to see if I could.

That was 110 days ago - and I can honestly say these are the best days I have had in my entire life since I started drinking.
It is NOT scary!

I was discussing this recently here.

I still go to the bar with my mates after a gym session and have a laugh - only I dring something like soda water and lime instead of beer.

I still go out for meals with friends / my wife and enjoy the food and company exactly the same - only I drink soft drinks instead of wine.

I went out to celebrate 100 days AF recently - we went to see a favourite band.
I heard he music just the same - and the band were just as good with a soda and lime in my hand instead of a beer.
AND then just climbed into my nice warm car and drove my friends home rather than standing in a taxi queue freezing my bits off!

The point is - it is only the THOUGHT of being AF that is scary.

Trust me - it is GREAT!

And all the other benefits are there too - all the time.

No hangovers
no letting others down
no underperforming at work
no spending huge amounts on booze
no fobbing off the kids because I was either drunk or hungover
no having to plan when and where I could drive
no planning when and where I could get my next drink
no sneaking extra drink into the house
etc etc etc

Come on it - the water is lovely.


Love :l

Satori
xxx

[Eastender]

New here

Hi Englishgirl,
Thought I would :welcome: you as I joined a week ago feeling exactly the way you do at the moment , because of the support from all the lovely people here this is my 7th day AF! I cannot believe it myself ! You will not feel alone here we are all for you. Good luck

[Doggygirl]

New here

Hi Englishgirl. I can relate to so much of what you say!

I highly recommend the My Way Out Book if you haven't already bought it. The downloadable version is available right away.

Like you, I used to spend a lot of time thinking about WHY I drank. I finally concluded that it doesn't matter why I started drinking 30 years ago, or how I managed to get to the place where I was a daily drinker and a daytime drinker and all of that nonsense. These days, if I drink, it's because I'm addicted to alcohol and my brain wants a fix. Any excuse will do - a happy day, a sad day, a celebration, an argument, seeing friends, being alone, blah blah etc. I too have wasted SO MUCH TIME on drinking.

I found MWO at the beginning of July, and got my strategy together. I made 60 days AF (Alcohol Free) beginning July 11. Once I got past the first couple of weeks, I was SO HAPPY to not be drinking my life away. Yes, I still had thoughts of drinking but it was getting easier to just let the thoughts pass - no big deal.

I made the mistake at 60 days of thinking "now maybe I can just have a drink once in awhile." (i.e. moderation) Well, I learned the hard way that moderation does not, and will not ever work for me. So now I'm back, armed with more information working to beat my addiction for good.

I do believe we hide some garbage under the cloud of alcohol. Whatever pain you might be "medicating" will likely become more clear if you can stop drinking - at least for 30 days. (30 days AF is recommended as part of the MWO book, whether your longer term goals are moderation or abstaining.)

Right now I'm spending a lot of time thinking about what I REALLY want to do with my time and my life now that I'm not wasting most of it. It IS sort of scary. But not nearly as scary as things were getting with my drinking habits. The folks here help A LOT with ideas and insights. You're not alone.

Best wishes to you - this is an AWESOME place. We can accomplish our goals if we want it bad enough.

DG
Day 5 AF after the fall

[Finding My Self]

New here

Englishgirl :welcome:

I so hope you find all you need here - You've had some really lovely and strong responses already... The only thing I feel I could say is just how not alone you are...whatever you feel.... reading your post I found myself thinking about who, of everyone I know just on this small island of ours, could(n't!) it be! So, you're definitley not alone - we've been there and there are sadly loads still there...

Courage and joy to you.
FMS xx :h

[The Londoner]

New here

EnglishGirl
Welcome to MWO. You have already received great posts. Please consider doing 30 days AF. Yes, it's tough at first but very soon,you start to feel the benefits, both physical and psychological. Work out a plan, get whatever supps and vits etc you reckon you need and keep coming back to this site. Read and post.

I am now on my 71st day without alcohol. After 35 years of regular drinking I have never felt so good in my entire adult life. I am changed. I am alive.I am steady. Through new activities and interests I have recently met the most amazing people. I also appreciate my family and friends so much more than I did when I drank. I am very very happy.

Please EnglishGirl, do not feel afraid. The support here is unique in my experience. MWO is full of genuine people who really want to help and there is such incredible wisdom and experience here. And love. And no judgement, so its okay to be weak and wobbly along the way.

Once you get yourself organised, my advice is follow the AF road, for as long as you can. Don't think about it, just do it! Bet you end up enjoying the challenge!
Look after yourself
Anna :l :h

[satori]

New here

Sorry - just a quick :hijacked:

Londoner Anna - well done on your 71 days Awesome! :goodjob: - you must be keeping a low profile!

Either that or I somehow managed to miss your "milestone" celebrations!

OK - Hijack over!

Satori

xxx

[free bird]

New here

EnglishGirl,

One of the biggest things that keeps me from drinking to excess anymore is to visualize in my mind my last/worst hangover and remember I do not want to go there again - ever. If I drink again, that is how I will feel - guaranteed....And I can't take it any more.

There were times when I was drinking more than was necessary, that I would literally ask myself "is this that great". I had been wanting to quit for awhile, so this was a planned experiment...Does this make any sense? Anyway, My answer......NO! So I kept playing these games with myself until I convinced myself it really wasn't that much fun drinking. For me it worked...Of course, there are tons of other things I am using and doing to help me in my jouney. Exercise is very important and fresh air.

Find out what works by whatever means is possible....

I feel so much better since I made a clear decision not to drink any more. And I assure FUN is soooo much more FUN being sobber.

Good Luck and Welcome

[Veronica]

New here

Like Englishgirl, I am pretty new and feel exactly the same, funny why do we get scared of giving up something that is bad for us. The truth is I like the taste of wine. I wake up in the moring and say "that's it never again", by evening I'm saying to myself oh I will just have one, but one turns into two and then three, and I am back to the moring again upset with myself for not having any will power.
Today I start AF for 30 days. I have to do this.
Thanks for all the adivce on this thread it really helps.
Veronica