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    #1

    No more grand promises to Husband anymore

    I've decided after getting caught the last time I can't promise, promise, promise complete 100% sobriety to my husband for eternity.

    I told him this weekend, I didn't drink today, and I won't tomorrow, but I can't make promises "nothing else forever and ever I swear" anymore.

    I don't know if I'm admitting defeat or just finally being honest with myself.


    -----
    As an aside, I'm not a poetry person there was a poem in the paper that I thought was good for us:

    "Sometimes"

    Sometimes I'm scared.
    I don't want you to know it.

    Sometimes I'm lonely.
    I don't want to show it.

    Sometimes I need to be needed.
    Sometimes I don't want to give.

    Sometimes I wonder,
    if I'm doing the right things
    in the way that I'm choosing to live.

    Sometimes I think that I'm ugly.
    Sometimes I think that I'm not.

    Sometimes I want to give
    everything away.
    Sometimes I want what I've got.

    Sometimes I worry about tomorrow.
    Sometimes I worry about yesterday.

    Today I'm just hoping you'll understand...
    And love me anyway.
    Laura-31
    Windsor, CT
    Tags: None
    #2
    No more grand promises to Husband anymore

    Good for you LauraAnn. One day at a time is all any of us have to give.
    Good luck. Love the poetry.
    Love Paula xx
    .

    Comment

      #3
      No more grand promises to Husband anymore

      Hey LauraAnn! I agree with you totally. It's not a way of backing out either. I am an alcoholic and I know for a fact that if I made the promise to someone that I would never ever drink again I would be a liar because I know I cannot live up to those high expectations. I can only look to the here and now and promise not to drink NOW. It does sound pretty cowardly I know but why give yourself the aggravation of trying to live up to other peoples expectations of you. Concentrate on your own goals and set your own pace and you will find you don't have to keep beating yourself up over goals that are beyond you.

      Nice poem by the way!!

      Love and Happiness
      Hippie
      xx
      "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
      Clean and sober 25th January 2009

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        #4
        No more grand promises to Husband anymore

        Amen, all we have is the here and now. Saying forever domes you forever! One minute, one hour, one day at a time!!
        :truce: I surrender!!!

        Comment

          #5
          No more grand promises to Husband anymore

          I wish I had a dollar for everytime I said I was done drinking to my wife... I could retire..

          Our disease has to first be recognized by ourselves first and most of us have to hit rock bottom before we do anything about it.. I always meant that I was done drinking when I finished a binge, but AL always took over when I started to feel good again.. This is MY tigger point and before I will recover from my disease, I MUST know how to identify my trigger points.

          Best of luck--we are here for you.

          Bill

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            #6
            No more grand promises to Husband anymore

            LauraAnn, the promises that I made to my hubby last year were, never to drink alone, or in secret .......... when he is home and I want a drink I tell him so and he has one with me ...........

            It works for me ...........
            sigpicXXX

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              #7
              No more grand promises to Husband anymore

              Hi LauraAnn. That is a wonderful poem BTW. I copied and pasted to Word to save for posterity!

              I absolutely agree that grandiose promises really don't mean much in the context of these addictions. I say "these" as I struggled for a LONG time with smoking and I finally quit February 26 2007. While my drinking also caused problems between me and my husband, smoking was the bigger issue of the two for him, as breathing my smoke and smelling it on me and my clothes and his clothes etc. really affected him. I tried to quit and failed. I cried and we fought. I felt betrayed because before we got married, we discussed the issue and I told him flat out that I wasn't certain that I would EVER quit (want to quit OR be successful at it)! I know that even one puff would put me right back to two packs a day in a heart beat. I don't plan to ever take a puff. BUT...I still don't promise I will never ever ever smoke again ever as long as I live. At the end of the day, words don't mean much.....ACTIONS do.

              I like what Betty Boop has done - focus on smaller and shorter term commitments that she feels very confident she can keep, no matter what. Re-building trust with your husband over this issue will probably take time, and lots of baby steps. WE CAN DO THIS. I'm here to tell you that if I can quit smoking, I KNOW that each and every one of us can overcome some major demons.

              "Rock Bottom" of the smoking pit for me was when Mr. Doggy accused me (many times) of putting my addiction before him, AND I REALIZED IT WAS TRUE. No matter what I had said about it before we got married, my smoking was making him miserable, and I didn't care. I didn't "moderate" by going outside to smoke, I didn't successfully cut back, nada, nothing. That's what finally pushed me to just struggle through it and quit.

              OK - now I'm babbling on and on and I hope there is a positive message in their somewhere LOL! Just sayin....that sometimes we have to face up to the idea that we are putting our addictions before our families - when we CAN overcome our addictions - it's just hard. But it CAN be done as so many folks here have proven.

              Hugs to you - and I absolutely think you are on the right track with no more grandiose types of promises. I hope that leads to a more supportive climate for you - where you can tackle this problem with more honesty between you and Mr. LA.

              DG
              Day 5 AF after the fall
              ODAT
              Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
              Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

              One day at a time.

              Comment

                #8
                No more grand promises to Husband anymore

                The promise I made to my husband was... I wouldn't buy a gun... and if I did... I wouldn't buy bullets. Then he best be on his best not make me mad behavior.... and I would keep the gun and bullets in two seperate areas with two friends... but if those friends both agreed he deserved it... he was in deep ddooooo doooo.
                and we would meet and he'd have to figure what would happen ... he'd have to figure who'd be loaded... the gun, me, or one of the friends... and how how lucky was he feeling. sorry to be silly... but promises are written on toilet paper...
                Sunny Out Looks are Contagious!

                Comment

                  #9
                  No more grand promises to Husband anymore

                  not sure how to start


                  I have drank for so long I feel sometimes that I know nothing else??????????? I usaully have no problem getting across what I am trying to say but when it comes to my alcohol addiction I just lock up and can not seem to get out of this hell of addiction!!!! It has always been my crutch and now it feels like an anchor but yet I continue to drink!!! I am desperate to change this pattern but it just seems hopeless most of the time??? I know I am going to lose everything if I can not find a way to change and the one thing besides drinking that means evertything to me my boys does not seem to be enough to make me stop!!!! Any help out there let me know I will not take medication to kick this problem it goes against what I think I am trying to accomplish picking up one habit to drop another, however I am very open to hollistic methods and find Kudzu extermly interesting!!!





                  Thanks in advance


                  Cheech66




                  By the way I am a grand promiser myself and my wife is totally fed up:new: :new: :new:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    No more grand promises to Husband anymore

                    Laura Anne- I posted on another thread for you, but I can relate so much with what you are going through. I can not promise that I'll be sober tomrrow, Thanksgiving or Valentines day. All I can do is hope I'll stay sober tomorrow.

                    Hippie37 - love the avatar! SB is the only reason I'm able to post right now!
                    This is my haiku for sponge bob ( this is my new thing)

                    SpongeBob I love you
                    You make my daughter giggle
                    And smile when she is sad

                    Olivia

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