Just felt the need to do this today.....Briefly I am 55, married with 2 grown boys and was drinking daily (hard stuff) for 30 years+. Why?, because I could. I have done it all, inpatient, outpatient, AA, 2 rounds of detox, and one on one counseling, yet I continued to drink. I was not (or could not) be honest with myself or anyone else.
Joined this site in August, hardly posted, but did alot of reading and chatting. I found myself sharing things in chat that I would never say...I shocked myself, but It felt so good!! I continued to read and chat, taking in all of the good, the sad, the ups and the downs, but still refusing to take the plunge telling myself I was still mentally preparing myself and just wasn't ready.
In looking back and still in very early sobriety, realized something I would like to share. I really was preparing myself. I would read posts and cry, laugh, get sad, and get angry. How could I possibly do this when I see so many of us try, succeed and somehow get sucked right back in this horrible place? Way to hard for me and felt I was doomed for failure....On the other hand there were so many successful stories.....hmmmmmmm
It finally hit me...What I was learning is that by taking the sad with the happy, the ups with the downs I was filing away all the pitfalls that await. This turned out to be a good thing. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was now aware of what was lying ahead and it was my choice as to what I did when I hit those bumps in the road. A big thank you to all of you who have shared your stories.
To all of you who are just starting...keep reading, posting and chatting. Use all of the stories you read to your advantage, file it away and remember them. My hope is that you too will decide for yourself when the time is right for you whether it be abs or mods. I know this is going to be, for me anyway, a one day at a time journey. I may drink tomorrow, who knows......Today I am AF
Joined this site in August, hardly posted, but did alot of reading and chatting. I found myself sharing things in chat that I would never say...I shocked myself, but It felt so good!! I continued to read and chat, taking in all of the good, the sad, the ups and the downs, but still refusing to take the plunge telling myself I was still mentally preparing myself and just wasn't ready.
In looking back and still in very early sobriety, realized something I would like to share. I really was preparing myself. I would read posts and cry, laugh, get sad, and get angry. How could I possibly do this when I see so many of us try, succeed and somehow get sucked right back in this horrible place? Way to hard for me and felt I was doomed for failure....On the other hand there were so many successful stories.....hmmmmmmm
It finally hit me...What I was learning is that by taking the sad with the happy, the ups with the downs I was filing away all the pitfalls that await. This turned out to be a good thing. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was now aware of what was lying ahead and it was my choice as to what I did when I hit those bumps in the road. A big thank you to all of you who have shared your stories.
To all of you who are just starting...keep reading, posting and chatting. Use all of the stories you read to your advantage, file it away and remember them. My hope is that you too will decide for yourself when the time is right for you whether it be abs or mods. I know this is going to be, for me anyway, a one day at a time journey. I may drink tomorrow, who knows......Today I am AF
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