help!!

[cowgal]

I really need help an din fear for my sanity,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hubby has been a read DICK!! (hope that is ok to post!?)he is just about as abusive as he has ever been, and it just keeps getting worse..................I am afraid but Feel I can kick his ass if he tries to harm me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,????

I really need feedbacm have a marriage counselor ppt on THurs don't know if that will happen, we have done in the past, to no avail......................I will be checking out soon, ended upi drinking, feel like such a LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to change my ways of dealling with these feelingss, it is just sooooooo difficullt for me w/ no support and then when I get some mu asshole husband takes that away too......................

I am soooooooooooooo sad today and drownig my sorrowes in beer right now,,,,,,,,,,,see ya tomorrow, am crashing out for the night, gnight!!

MA

[lushy]

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Mary Anne, I have been following your posts for a while and I have to be honest with you. You MUST get out of that house and perhaps even the marriage. You must think about your kids first and foremost and how this is affecting them. I know it is scary but if your hubby cannot control himself enough and has to be threatening and drunk, etc., your kids are going to be so affected, if they have not been already. You are trying so hard to be AF and you have done so well but he is not a good influence on you and then triggers you to drink. Please Mary Anne, if you do not do it for yourself, do it for your kids. They should not be subjected to this alcoholic drama that hubby is putting you through.

[meditation mama]

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Hi Mary Anne~

I read your other post in ODAT, too.. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation, but it is time for you to become the strong one. You HAVE to. The scene at the wedding is unacceptable, absolutely unacceptable, and you as a mother need to remove your children and yourself from that kind of environment. You said that he is holding you hostage for horses? I know you probably love those horses, but your children and your sanity are really too important to trade that out. Your children will be affected for a long time if you don't stand up for them. I agree with Lushy, it is time to put an end to the abuse. I would bring this up in your appointment on Thursday. You need to be honest with this person about both of your drinking and everything that goes on.

You need to dig deep now...

Get help, do you have anyone near - any family?

Thinking of you.

MM

[LauraAnn]

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I am sorry to hear about your situation. If you want to talk, pm me your number, and I'll call tomorrow when husband is working.

[cowgal]

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2:30AM

It is 2:30AM and I am wide awake, going to take ANOTHER shower! I appreciate all the feedback and KNOW I need to get out, or I am never going to be happy..........

Please keep on giving me more feedback, as this is what is going to give me strength to get out of this 17 year old hell -hole I have dug myself into.............


I love you all for your advise, the kids have already told me they want to be w/ me, and the horses will be ok, I have a friend who can take them for me................it will all work out ok, just scared at this point, thanks for your support, he is just toxic for me, if he shows up on Thurs. it will be a miracle...............don't have faith after Saturday

I love you guys!!!!:h :h :l Sorry for all the drama/bad news..............

MA

[rustop61]

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Mary Ann

Hope you are feeling better this morning. Things will work out for you. You have been so strong the last few weeks and have overcome so much, dont let him drag you down. We are all there for you. Take care.

Rustop

[hippie37]

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Hi Mary Ann!

I have to agree totally with Lushy and MM on this one. You have to do what is right for YOU and especially the kids. My ex used to know how to push all the wrong buttons in me to the extent that I would do exactly what you did the other night. It became a vicious circle in the end and my only option was to end the relationship or I was never going to move forward. You really have to find a way to gather all your strength, reserves included, and make the decision to act upon what you already know deep in your heart.

You are never going to get A/F in the environment you are in. This has gone on to long now if I was reading your story correctly a while back.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

p.s. I'm glad the horses will be OK as well!!

[happydog]

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Dear mary ann,
please try and keep strong. I do agree with lushy and mm. Please think about the kids, it must be really scary for them.

wishing you lots of strenght.
Love Teardrop.x

[charlee]

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Maryanne
Early Monday morning here on the east coast and it seems you had quite a night... Only you have the answers as to what is best for you and the kids, but it sounds like your know the answer. Whatever you decide be please be sure it is done with a clear mind. I am happy the kids want to be with you and the horses will be ok.....we are here if you need us.

[cowgal]

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thanks

The kids unanamously said they want to be w/ me, I can go AF as long as I need to for the courts, divorse.................wow, never THOUGHT I would have to go through that, have held on w/my fingernails, gruelling suffering through it, just to find out it was all for naught.................my counselor has been building me up for this over the past few months, so I have to thank him for the strength he has given me..........I just feel sooooooooooo afraid, but I know I am strong and can do this, we will be ok! I have to keep on telling myself that!!

Keep you posted, thanks all for your support, I truly LOVE you, we all have a special bond, and only we can appreciate that:h :h

I love you guys!! I am bawling my eyes out right now:upset:

With love,

MA:l

[cowgal]

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fyi

:l He called and left a voicemail saying he is filing for a divorce today(don't remember if I posted that yet or not,) Now he just called and said he is sorry, I said, I know, and I cannot keep going on like this on this roller coaster ride, it has been going on since at least June or July, it is getting WAYYYYY old, so I need to muster up the strength to do this......

My boss just took me out to lunch and he has been here through all my tearful mornings and days during the past 6 months, he says anything I need, he will be here for me, he is soooooooo sweet, he is a good married Mormon guy and very strong spiritually, he says he has faith that I can do this, so do all my co-workers,who have also been here for me for the past months...............don't know what I'd do without them, and you all..........

Love you all!

Still sobbing, feel I lost a friend over this too, if you are out there, please know I cherish our friendship:h

Love,

MA:l

[gabby1go]

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Been There

MA,

I have been where you're at. I don't have any children but I was married to a verbally abusive alcoholic that took everything good out of me. He made sure that I felt like crap everyday and reminded me that I was ugly (I don't think I am), fat (I know I am not), stupid (college educated and had a great job), and that no one else would ever want me. I didn't have much money saved but one day I had had enough. I came home, he was drunk, he smacked me and I left. Never want back. It was the best thing I could have done.

Make a plan quickly. He will usually always say he is sorry if he thinks you are really going to leave. Also, abusers will hold anything (your horses for instance) to keep you hostage. Take your power back and let him know you are done. (Don't mean to ramble on, just thinking out loud as I type). Good luck and stay strong. Gabby.

[Ripple]

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cowgal, give that SOB some of his own medicine. Thats what I did filed for divorce and it is still pending provided HE changes. As of lately he acts like a fragile bitch while I am the female in this relationship gone amuck. Men can be wussies and your man sounds like he has beening getting away with it. No more tears, take him down. They hate to pay for anything especially their behaviour. It helps recovery.

sorry,
Rip.:l

[Ripple]

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cowgal, give that SOB some of his own medicine. Thats what I did filed for divorce and it is still pending provide HE changes. As of lately he acts like a fragile bitch while I am the female in this relationship gone amuck. Men can be wussies and your man sounds like he has beening getting away with it. No more tears, take him down.

sorry,
Rip.:l

[cowgal]

help!!

thanks

Guys, you are sooooooooooo helpful, yep, I have had enough of the abuse, he tells me all the stuff, too old, ugly won't find another guy, DON'T WANT ONE AT THIS POINT!!!! I just want my life and my happiness back, that feels as though it is gone out the window as of today though.................I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO depressed, that feel that only drinking will make it better, hope I can stay AF tonight, but frankly I am VERY worried, feel very alone, have called a few people, keep getting voicemails, guess it is a holiday, so lucky few don't have to work!?

I am here, which is at least keeping my mind occupied til the witching hour!

Scared, but if I drink, I will just pull myself up and do it all over again tomorrow?!

Lots of love, will keep close to you all, you are all a godsend, and full of empowering advice :thanks: Cannot thank you enough!!

love you!!!!! I mean that!! with all my heart, ok, here come the tears again!

Bye,

MA:l