Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

[Bunky]

Hi,
I am new here, and so I guess I am "just starting out" but I have started over and over for the last 4 years....
I am 44 yrs old and can not stand it any longer...
It all started when I finally got the courage to go to therapy for my depression about 4 years ago. I was put on paxil, and it seemed to be a blessing at the time...well I could not sleep at night so I started to get up to find myself drinking a few beers so I could fall asleep...this is how I truely feel it all started...
Plus the fact being on anti depressants made 3 beers feel like 12 ...I was drunk too easily.
I then started feeling WOW if I suck down a few beers socially, the anxiety I have in crowds will dissapear...and if did...Now I am addicted... Addicted to the point, if I have one...I can not stop! I have tried hiding my drinking from my husband..he knows when I drink...
How can something for a few hours make u feel wonderful only to wake up later hating yourself and everything u have done...? It makes no sense.
Yes, I have tried quitting several times...only to go back and wondering what am I doing?
Every weekends we are with friends who drink alot...How can I socialize around people and not drink? I am so Weak...! I find it too difficult to be with others when they are partying and having fun...I enjoy it for a few hours but then I get bored out of my mind...so my other options are to stay home and watch the world go by..thats not good either..damned if I do damned if I dont.
Also my anxiety is so bad I want to go out and shop..if I need something...but end up at the bar, at the mall first, which leads me to never even shopping, but drinking more and more...THEN which I know I must stop...is drivng home. I HATE MYSELF. Once I was so bad I couldnt find my car (Thank goodness for that) and called my husband who came and got me, and didnt talk to me for the longest time....I wonder why he is with me still.. I love him so much, but feel he deserves better...
Anyways enough blabbing on and on...I want and need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and I am looking to chat with others and looking for help and guidance,,,and friendship with ppl who understand me. Thank you for listening..I am tired of this way of life.:thanks:

[ducky]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Hey Bunky, you are certainly not alone in wanting to stop. The more you read and chat the more you will see that so many others here could have written your post.

Have you read the book? You can download it. Lots of folks take the supps and topa also.

I would start by reading the book if you haven't already and keep posting and reading here. You will find a ton of support.

You are understood.

[charlee]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Good job Bunky!!!!

Think you have answered your own question, yes, you are just starting out and yes, you can start over. Tomorrow is a new day....try to stay close to the boards, post and read as much as you can, and you will see you are not alone in this battle. :goodjob:

[Ripple]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Bunky...your story is common. I and a girlfriend have gone shopping only to return BOMBED. Never say you hate yourself, thats just not fair. I too have also parked the car and could not find it. I used the alarm on the keys. :crazymonke

Yake CareRip.

[oneshot]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

you story is like mine. i think it all started with the anexity, a drinking to get comfortable to go on with life, but nothing would go on but the shots of booze. it sucks. just sunday i tried to kill my self and ended up doing stupid s**t at my brother house and got kicked out. im havin a bad couple days. but i have been sober since sunday and im trying my hardest..will talk agian..

[Suki411]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Bunky

I read and reread your post. I could have written it myself. You made me think about my taking anti-depressants and my drinking. But congratulations to you! Just by getting on this website is such an important step! You will find such support, this place is amazing.

I just started reading/posting last week. Went 4 days AF, waking up those days liking myself, starting to get my self-esteem back, then drank Sunday night. Monday was not a good day for me.

Normally, I would go through what you do, wake up hating myself, beating myself up, but after reading the posts of all of the wonderful people on this site, I just remind myself that I am only human, I am not alone and I will succeed.

Keep reading and posting. Do no use the word hate when describing yourself. You should be proud of yourself for taking the important step of posting on this site.
:goodjob:

[janka]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Hi Bunky, so glad you posted here. You have found a great place for support and inspiration here. Keep reading, posting and chatting. You should probably read (at least, skim) RJ's book, which you can download from this link:
Downloadable PDF Book
Ask questions, be patient and, above all else, have faith. Take good care, and I'll be looking out for you, J

[Suki411]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

oneshot

just read your post. Good for you for being sober since sunday. It is so hard, I know, have used alcohol to kill the pain, the anxiety, the depression, but it only made it worse for me.

Just know that you are not alone.

[Ripple]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

None of us are alone here. I am so happy to have found this forum. People are ashamed to admit they have a problem. Thats Okay! When we admit we begin an incredible journey back to life! YES it is so hard. I am finding that out myself. It is still new.
:h

Good day to you All!
Luv.:h
Rip.

[Bunky]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

OH MY GOODNESS...All of you are AWESOME...thank you so much for all your replies...I am definetly coming here all the time...........
THANKS AGAIN! :thanks:

[KateH1]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Hi Bunky and Welcome!

You have come to the right place! A placed where you can do both, start out and start over! The MB is great for support and information.......but, the "Program" is all outlined in RJ's book. The book is easy to read and entertaining a well as extremely informative. another nice part of MWO, is that you can tailor make it for you, use what works for you!

Looking forward to hearing more from you and best wishes on your new life!

[Finding Me]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Welcome

Hi Bunky,

Welcome....You will like it here. Your story is similar to mine in that I drink during the day just to get through the day and get things done. Weather it is laundry, grocery shopping....running errands or cleaning house. My kids are at school then and I have depression also which I used to take paxil but now take Welbutain for the quit smoking part and depression part. I started the program with the supps and the topa on sunday (hence the typos,:H sorry) and have been AF for 3 days now (it is a start which I plan on continuning.) I havn't posted much but I do enjoy reading alot of posts.

Get the book and keep reading as many new and old posts as you can.
There are alot of wonderful people here!

Take Care!
Finding ME

[Bunky]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

I love this saying

__________________
"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." ~~Martin Luther King, Jr.

[charlee]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

Bunky
I like that saying too......with each step we are bound to reach the top of the staircase!!!

[Islandgirl719]

Just starting out vs. Just starting over...

My first time here

I just read your story Bunky and it was like reading about myself. I just got the tapes yesterday and have the vitamins but my doctor wouldn't give me the prescription. She told me to go to a treatment center or AA. It was very upsetting and I left feeling totaly helpless. I drink so much some nights that the next morning I can't remember anything about the night before. I too wonder why my husband stays with me. He now goes every Friday or Saturday alone to a friend of his to party and has started smoking again and has told me tht when I stop drinking, he'll stop doing the stuff he does. I told him it wasn't fair to put that on me but I know he won't quit before I do. Has anyone had success with this program without the prescription and just using the vitamins and powder drink and tapes?
Thanks for listening.:new: