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    New here, 3 nights under my belt

    Hi there,

    :new: just made it through my third night of not drinking. It has been tough, but not as bad as I imagined.

    The long story (I can be a bit of a talker) is that I am a married mother of two. Like so many of us here, I have a great family, an amazing husband, a wonderful (stressful) job that I am very respected at. My husband and I socialize a lot, and alcohol is always part of the party, even at school fundraisers (the night time ones they don't invite the kids to :wink I have always done fine with that, never been the drunkest one there, never been the one people are whispering about the next day....I want to keep that part of my life.

    The part of my drinking life I want to give up, the part most people would never suspect, the part that just happened when I was looking is the FULL bottle of wine I drink at home every night. My husband works nights, and once the kids are in bed, here I sit all alone. There's the TV, the phone, the internet, and over the past year or so, definitly in the past few months, every night has included a bottle of wine. Sometimes more that that. I am tired every morning. I am short with my kids as I get them ready for school. My head throbs. Some days I have started coming home from dropping them off at school (I only work 3 days a week) and getting back in bed, no housework, no errands. I am not the productive person I want to be. But the biggest thing, my biggest fear, is that I was moving towards not being the best mother I can be.

    My children mean the absolute world to me. They are the most amazing gift I have ever been given. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My childhood was marked by so many incidents, so much shame. I have always vowed that I would never live that way. I have always wanted to give my children the most stable wonderful childhood possible. I want them to be those kids who go off to college and say "yeah, my life was normal, my Mom and Dad loved each other and I argued with my brother." No drama, no shame, no secrets.
    So here I am, knowing for a while now that I inherited that secret little craving from my mother, the way she inherited it from her father and I'm sure he got it from somewhere....
    I cannot let this nightly drinking go any further. I will not allow myself to continue down a path that could potentially hurt my children.

    So my personal goal is to not drink alone at home at night. I still plan to drink at social events, and if my husband is home and we are making dinner, I will probably drink with him, too, but this home alone thing is just so useless and destructive.

    So, Tuesday night wasn't too bad, I went to bed early and listened to a hypno track on my iPod. Wed was good. I got the MWO book, I really enjoyed it, I ate a sandwich and went to bed listening to the hypno again. Tonight has been a bit tougher, the craving has been there most of the day, that feeling in the back of my throat, but I got through it. At one point I was convincing myself I could have one glass while I watched TV, but with the kids in bed, that would have meant opening up a good bottle from my husband's collection....so I lurked here some more, and now I'm having some tea before bed. I'll listen to the hypno and hopefully get some rest.

    I'm not going to do the topa, but I have already been taking vitamins, so I will adjust those accordingly and I have the book and not the official hypno CDs but some things I have found on iTunes, mostly more geared towards anxiety, relaxation and sleep.

    For as confident as this post sounds, I am scared. BUt I guess it's a good scared.

    Thanks for reading! Have a great night!

    #2
    New here, 3 nights under my belt

    :welcome: allinmoderation!

    I am glad you found us! I wanted to wish you a welcome before I log off and head to bed. I hope to see you around the boards. And don't be scared, look at this as a new start in your life. Every step you take to better yourself and make yourself happier, it reflects on others around you! My life has been pretty rocky this last year, but because I have been sober I could deal with it and to be perfectly honest, I haven't been happier.

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      #3
      New here, 3 nights under my belt

      :welcome: allinmoderation

      Glad you found us. This site has been an inspiration to me and I am now 12 days without booze. This is something I have not been able to do in many years. You will find everyone here is there for you so keep posting and keep focused because you can do it

      Accountable for me is right about it being a new start and feeling happier so keep :h and keep focused. Well done on the 3 days


      :l Sweetpea
      :flower: Keep strong and focused things do get better and you will find your happy :h

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        #4
        New here, 3 nights under my belt

        Welcome to MWO

        I am really impressed with your post. You seem to know what the problem is, what you stand to lose and what you need to do about it.

        Now what if you stuck to this vow of yours, not drinking alone? What if you were really strict with yourself about this, how much happier you would be? I hope thinking of that motivates you and i have a feelling you are going to do well.

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          #5
          New here, 3 nights under my belt

          welcome

          I know that I was welcome w/ open arms to this site, you will be too....................You are in the right place, and I wish you luck, you have more time under your belt than me right now, I am not doing well, but don't let that turn you off, just a little bump in the road if you will, Will be ok!!!

          Good luck and keep us posted on your progress:goodjob:

          lots of love, pm me any time!!!:welcome:

          ma:h :l
          :rays:My happiness is my greatest gift to others:rays:eace:

          Comment


            #6
            New here, 3 nights under my belt

            Hi Allinmod and :welcome:

            You sound like so many of us on this site. Functional during the day, its the bottle of wine at night and the drinking alone that causes the problems. I guess the first step is recognising the problem and then doing something about it.

            I too would love to be able to have the glass of wine with a meal or with hubby or when out socially but I dont know if I will ever achieve that. Trying for 30 AF days at a time and the more times I dont drink the easier it gets so I intend to keep plugging away at it. Good luck in whatever you do and hope to see you around.

            Rustop

            Comment


              #7
              New here, 3 nights under my belt

              welcome aboard

              Hello Allinmod, love the name, and do relate to the family connection on the drinking. I grew up in an alcoholic home with drama and trips to the e.r. and police coming to break up fights between the parents, all alcohol fueled, and I swore my home life would not be like that. So I'm a quiet drinker, a loner at home, but I am going AF today and tomorrow and see how long I want to go till I don't suck at going AF anymore, (right, Rustop, that's the quote?) Till I enjoy the feeling good so much that I won't go back. Lots of inspiration here on this site, whether you do mods or AF. :welcome: and great on 3 days AF! Suz
              The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness.

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