Hi there,
:new: just made it through my third night of not drinking. It has been tough, but not as bad as I imagined.
The long story (I can be a bit of a talker) is that I am a married mother of two. Like so many of us here, I have a great family, an amazing husband, a wonderful (stressful) job that I am very respected at. My husband and I socialize a lot, and alcohol is always part of the party, even at school fundraisers (the night time ones they don't invite the kids to :wink
I have always done fine with that, never been the drunkest one there, never been the one people are whispering about the next day....I want to keep that part of my life.
The part of my drinking life I want to give up, the part most people would never suspect, the part that just happened when I was looking is the FULL bottle of wine I drink at home every night. My husband works nights, and once the kids are in bed, here I sit all alone. There's the TV, the phone, the internet, and over the past year or so, definitly in the past few months, every night has included a bottle of wine. Sometimes more that that. I am tired every morning. I am short with my kids as I get them ready for school. My head throbs. Some days I have started coming home from dropping them off at school (I only work 3 days a week) and getting back in bed, no housework, no errands. I am not the productive person I want to be. But the biggest thing, my biggest fear, is that I was moving towards not being the best mother I can be.
My children mean the absolute world to me. They are the most amazing gift I have ever been given. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My childhood was marked by so many incidents, so much shame. I have always vowed that I would never live that way. I have always wanted to give my children the most stable wonderful childhood possible. I want them to be those kids who go off to college and say "yeah, my life was normal, my Mom and Dad loved each other and I argued with my brother." No drama, no shame, no secrets.
So here I am, knowing for a while now that I inherited that secret little craving from my mother, the way she inherited it from her father and I'm sure he got it from somewhere....
I cannot let this nightly drinking go any further. I will not allow myself to continue down a path that could potentially hurt my children.
So my personal goal is to not drink alone at home at night. I still plan to drink at social events, and if my husband is home and we are making dinner, I will probably drink with him, too, but this home alone thing is just so useless and destructive.
So, Tuesday night wasn't too bad, I went to bed early and listened to a hypno track on my iPod. Wed was good. I got the MWO book, I really enjoyed it, I ate a sandwich and went to bed listening to the hypno again. Tonight has been a bit tougher, the craving has been there most of the day, that feeling in the back of my throat, but I got through it. At one point I was convincing myself I could have one glass while I watched TV, but with the kids in bed, that would have meant opening up a good bottle from my husband's collection....so I lurked here some more, and now I'm having some tea before bed. I'll listen to the hypno and hopefully get some rest.
I'm not going to do the topa, but I have already been taking vitamins, so I will adjust those accordingly and I have the book and not the official hypno CDs but some things I have found on iTunes, mostly more geared towards anxiety, relaxation and sleep.
For as confident as this post sounds, I am scared. BUt I guess it's a good scared.
Thanks for reading! Have a great night!
:new: just made it through my third night of not drinking. It has been tough, but not as bad as I imagined.
The long story (I can be a bit of a talker) is that I am a married mother of two. Like so many of us here, I have a great family, an amazing husband, a wonderful (stressful) job that I am very respected at. My husband and I socialize a lot, and alcohol is always part of the party, even at school fundraisers (the night time ones they don't invite the kids to :wink
I have always done fine with that, never been the drunkest one there, never been the one people are whispering about the next day....I want to keep that part of my life.The part of my drinking life I want to give up, the part most people would never suspect, the part that just happened when I was looking is the FULL bottle of wine I drink at home every night. My husband works nights, and once the kids are in bed, here I sit all alone. There's the TV, the phone, the internet, and over the past year or so, definitly in the past few months, every night has included a bottle of wine. Sometimes more that that. I am tired every morning. I am short with my kids as I get them ready for school. My head throbs. Some days I have started coming home from dropping them off at school (I only work 3 days a week) and getting back in bed, no housework, no errands. I am not the productive person I want to be. But the biggest thing, my biggest fear, is that I was moving towards not being the best mother I can be.
My children mean the absolute world to me. They are the most amazing gift I have ever been given. I grew up in an alcoholic home. My childhood was marked by so many incidents, so much shame. I have always vowed that I would never live that way. I have always wanted to give my children the most stable wonderful childhood possible. I want them to be those kids who go off to college and say "yeah, my life was normal, my Mom and Dad loved each other and I argued with my brother." No drama, no shame, no secrets.
So here I am, knowing for a while now that I inherited that secret little craving from my mother, the way she inherited it from her father and I'm sure he got it from somewhere....
I cannot let this nightly drinking go any further. I will not allow myself to continue down a path that could potentially hurt my children.
So my personal goal is to not drink alone at home at night. I still plan to drink at social events, and if my husband is home and we are making dinner, I will probably drink with him, too, but this home alone thing is just so useless and destructive.
So, Tuesday night wasn't too bad, I went to bed early and listened to a hypno track on my iPod. Wed was good. I got the MWO book, I really enjoyed it, I ate a sandwich and went to bed listening to the hypno again. Tonight has been a bit tougher, the craving has been there most of the day, that feeling in the back of my throat, but I got through it. At one point I was convincing myself I could have one glass while I watched TV, but with the kids in bed, that would have meant opening up a good bottle from my husband's collection....so I lurked here some more, and now I'm having some tea before bed. I'll listen to the hypno and hopefully get some rest.
I'm not going to do the topa, but I have already been taking vitamins, so I will adjust those accordingly and I have the book and not the official hypno CDs but some things I have found on iTunes, mostly more geared towards anxiety, relaxation and sleep.
For as confident as this post sounds, I am scared. BUt I guess it's a good scared.
Thanks for reading! Have a great night!
eace:
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