This is my first entry so please indulge me. I feel so lucky to have found this site. I have so much to say and don't know where to start.
As briefly as I can I tell you how I got here. Here's my story.
My drinking didn't really get out of control until my late 20's. I grew up in Europe so the idea that you could possibly have a problem didn't occur to you unless you lost your job, family and were homeless. None of that happened to me. In fact the opposite. I was living my life, had a son and was working my way up the ladder. I was one of those who just became funnier as she consumed. Unfortunately as time went on I began getting sloppy, taking risks driving not to mention loosing inhibitions. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night having huge anxiety attacks or heart palpitations and skipped beats.
I had a period of abstinence due to pregnancy, breast feeding, close to 2 yrs but then it gradually started escalating. I decided I needed help. I went to AA which was probably the hardest thing that I've ever done. Not because I had to admit or confess about my problem but because it just wasn't anonymous enough for me.....you see, I'm a RN who's specialty is Emergency Medicine. I never wanted to meet anyone that would show up at the local ER wondering "Did she have a drink today?" Know what I mean?
Anyway, I did manage to stop drinking for 6 mths. That was 3 years ago now. I'm not as bad as I was, and truthfully I don;t know if I could ever go back to that place, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle with it everyday and still slip up.
I have pretty much changed my life in terms of who I hang out with and what my triggers are. I have not decided if I will be without completely or if I will be able to "control" my consumption and be a social drinker. We'll see. Being without doesn't scare me. But being european, its hard to imagine being social without it...........gotta work on that one. At least here saying "no" is ok.
I could keep going forever now that I have an ear......I've waited so long for this. Until next time.
As briefly as I can I tell you how I got here. Here's my story.
My drinking didn't really get out of control until my late 20's. I grew up in Europe so the idea that you could possibly have a problem didn't occur to you unless you lost your job, family and were homeless. None of that happened to me. In fact the opposite. I was living my life, had a son and was working my way up the ladder. I was one of those who just became funnier as she consumed. Unfortunately as time went on I began getting sloppy, taking risks driving not to mention loosing inhibitions. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night having huge anxiety attacks or heart palpitations and skipped beats.
I had a period of abstinence due to pregnancy, breast feeding, close to 2 yrs but then it gradually started escalating. I decided I needed help. I went to AA which was probably the hardest thing that I've ever done. Not because I had to admit or confess about my problem but because it just wasn't anonymous enough for me.....you see, I'm a RN who's specialty is Emergency Medicine. I never wanted to meet anyone that would show up at the local ER wondering "Did she have a drink today?" Know what I mean?
Anyway, I did manage to stop drinking for 6 mths. That was 3 years ago now. I'm not as bad as I was, and truthfully I don;t know if I could ever go back to that place, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle with it everyday and still slip up.
I have pretty much changed my life in terms of who I hang out with and what my triggers are. I have not decided if I will be without completely or if I will be able to "control" my consumption and be a social drinker. We'll see. Being without doesn't scare me. But being european, its hard to imagine being social without it...........gotta work on that one. At least here saying "no" is ok.
I could keep going forever now that I have an ear......I've waited so long for this. Until next time.
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