Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

[tadi]

:h So many times over the last 8 years I have made that "decision" to stop drinking. It has by far ruined so many aspects in my life. I have studied, searched, asked for help, read, been enthused, been to meetings, been so low that I knew I would just die a drunk. I am at that low point again and I truly want to stop. I have found this site interesting and hopeful. It took me a while this morning to figure out what AF meant.

I had a dream last night that I was given a problem that I could not solve or resolve. I tried to resolve it, searching and asking anyone that could help, but I never did find the answer. Can't even remember what I was trying to solve. I woke up feeling hopeless as I think my dream related entirely to my drinking and my life but I have to believe that if I am still searching, for example, this website, that I must feel a glimmer of hope. The problem I face and perhaps many of you face this as well, is that I live alone and have no one but my own thoughts and devices to figure things out. You may have guessed that I have pretty much shut everyone out of my life.

The AF challenge sounds good to me. For me this is day 1 (November 18, 2007) and it would be great to have a buddy or 2 or more to join me.

[charlee]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Tadi...........:welcome:
I am glad you feel "a glimmer of hope" by finding this website. If you truly want to commit to an AF lifestyle...Get RJ's book, keep reading, keep posting and your glimmer can turn into a reality. I have tried to do this on my own, but as you say you are left to your own thoughts and devices and sometimes, those thoughts just keep going round and round. This is the place to share and sort all those thoughts and in doing so, I know you will find support.
Chat is also a wonderful place, sometimes it can be the one on one (or many more), you need, sometimes a very light and fun place to be to really get to know one another. You may also find the daily thread called Newbies in need ODAT (one day at a time) very beneficial. Explore!!!

[laura anne]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Welcome tadi. Like you, I have tried hundreds of times to stop, usually for only a few days. I have read so many self-help books, tried hypnotherapy, supplements, and every other trick in the book. I wake up hungover, say I'm never going to drink again and then drink too much again that same night. I finally feel like I'm at a place in my life where I can be successful. This is day 5 for me. As long as you want to stop there is always hope. Time to use every tool in your arsenal to stay sober. You've already taken the first step. You have a wonderful support system right here and there's a lot of good advise available. Take care, be gentle with yourself, and keep us posted.

[hippie37]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Welcome tadi

Hey tadi!

Like yourself I had to hit rock bottom more than a few times before I was finally truthful and honest with myself. I've tried numerous methods in the past of staying sober but all of them failed simply because I wasn't willing to give up my lifestyle of drink and drugs. Even though I totally disagree with AA's principles and methods I do strongly believe that the first step of 'recovery' is admitting to ourselves that we have a problem. And I do mean being totally honest with oneself. I'm only 5 months sober myself but I had to work hard to get A/F and clear my mind and body totally of alcohol. Once I did this I was able to think so much clearer and have a more positive approach to this, which If you don't mind me saying so, you seem to be lacking right now. I know exactly how you feel because I was once there where you are now and it's not a very nice place to be. I had to do whatever it took to get me sober in the beginning and finding forums like this was a complete godsend.
I don't know what I would of done without them. All my focus was spent on posting and keeping my mind occupied and away from thoughts of drink. My first 2 weeks where obviously the hardest as I was still craving and I don't know how many sugary drinks and sweets I eat to combat this. I didn't care about what I was doing to my teeth or anything, that didn't matter to me at all, just as long as I didn't have a drink.

tadi I wish you every bit of success in getting sober. No one here on these forums is judgmental in anyway we are all in the same boat at the end of the day and we all need one another for help and support. Don't be shy about posting, no matter what the circumstances, even if you just need to talk about the weather getting you down!!!.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[retteacher]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Tadi: Keep coming to MWO. Mary

[Bessie]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

I don't have a lot of experience of other types of giving up (other than totally hopeless and unrealiable willpower) but I can see this as a very special supportive place. I'm in the beginning few days of an attempt to do 30 days. I'll stay with you on yours if you like. Have you tried the book? I never normally like 'buying into' things but it was well worth it with the books and am on the meds too which I do think are helping.... I am sure you have read lots of posts. Keep adding to them. Everyone here is so very helpful, friendly and supportive but not intrusive. You can open up to them but keep them at arms length too if that is how you are most comfortable. Good luck.

Bessie

[tadi]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Thank you all for your kind words of support and suggestions. I just went shopping and bought some vitamins and a cleansing kit. I will also order the book and keep posting.

[12many]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

:welcome: Hi Tadi-

Glad you found MWO and that you feel a "glimmer of hope" that's all it takes to start. You know most of us a re 'alone' in our recovery journey in our home/family/work. Even if your house is full, they just can't quite offer the insight that this group can. To connect with someone (or dozens of someones) who share your fears, experiences, triumphs and pains is priceless.

So, if I can offer you two cents: divide and conquer. If you are able, go to your doc and be honest. I personally needed anti-anxiety meds, heartburn meds and got on some anti-craving meds. Also got referred to a counselor and went to therapy for a bit. Before that, I had wrapped up all those issues in a bundle and labeled them 'personal weakness' and did nothing about them.

One of the nice things about this community is that they don't preach just one method. Your approach can be different from everyone elses and that's just fine. Get what YOU need to get what YOU want.

Take care and keep posting. Never be afraid of dropping in on any thread that catches your eye. No one will bark at you. You are welcome everywhere.

Best,
Dave

[tadi]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Day 2! Yeah. I can't remember the time I last went to bed on purpose. I usually pass out and some how end up in bed. In the morning, I see the reckage of the night before. The empty bottles, the mess. Then I have to brush my teeth while gagging?

Last night I went to bed and took a book in with me. I read for a while. Did not sleep well but I expect that will improve over time. I woke up this morning and there was no mess to clean up and I did not gag while brushing my teeth.

Thanks for letting me post here. I usually do not do things like this but feel comfortable after my last post based on the positive feedback I received. I have spent quite a bit of time looking at all the posts here and they are very helpful. I had trouble ordering the book online yesterday but will call to place the order. Can't wait to get it.

[Bessie]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Yipee!! Go you! Wait til you get a few more days under your belt and you will feel all fuzzy and warm and smug and so PLEASED that you found these board and took the step and did what you know felt right to do. Keep that mental picture sharply in focus of the passed out you, the mess, the gagging. Keep it really fresh in your mind, especially when the Beast starts muscling in and telling you actually it's ok to drink. Look at that mess and you as a mess and gagging - would you really want to open a bottle and end up like that again??

The sleeping well will DEFINITELY improve. I sleep like a log..... It's so refreshing to wake up well rested rather than having just slept off the alcohol but with no real quality sleep.

:goodjob:

Bessie

[charlee]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Tadi
Congratulations on day 2!!!...Isn't is nice to wake up in the morning and actually look forward to getting up and starting your day without the gagging and the cleanup? :goodjob: ...yes, sleep will improve in time...every night is one night closer.

[tadi]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Day 3 and AF. Just a quick note to say that I am feeling more confident today. I had a lousy nights sleep again but not hung over although have a terrible headache. I had a moment yesterday when something a tiny bit unsettling was said and my first thought was to pick up alcohol and drink after work. I remember you telling me Charlee to remember the mess and the gagging and I did. Not only that I consciously brought into mind other unpleasant thoughts surrounding my drinking behavior. It really helped. I drove home without stopping. The biggest relief on the way home was not having to figure out which store to hit today that had not seen me yesterday or the day before. What a relief.

Thanks again everyone

[charlee]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Tadi...Congratulations on day 3....Yipee!!!

I think you have to experience it for yourself first hand, the freedom you gain. For me, it was becoming just "to much work"...the planning, the buying (yes, which store today), the clock watching, the sneaking, the hiding..and we haven't even started on the morning yet, the eyedrops, the gallons of water, the bad taste, the extra make up just to look presentable..I am tired just typing this!!!......The headaches do get better, as does the sleep, which was one of my major concerns...I do find myself tired at the end of a day, but it is real tired, something very new to me......Keep doing what you are doing, don't forget the water, and supps....read, post and join us in chat.....There is a thread called "Newbies in need ODAT" which you might find very beneficial...taking it one day at a time is working for me...no long term promises...just today...Please join us

[Long Road]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Virtues are hard. Vices are easier to come by - Gertrude Himmelfarb
????????
Virtues are merely the vices that the virtuous have never experienced - Me (Long Road)

[Bessie]

Brand New and wanting help - AF Challenge

Tadi

Sounds like you're working out a method that does it for you. I find that concentrating on making this day, today AF and not worrying about the next day or days does help. Charlee is spot on about the ODAT thread - it really helps to have somewhere to check in, sound off, ask for advice, get support, give support and generally feel you are being cared for and allowed to work through the process with non-judgemental people who have all been there and done and are still doing it. What a place!! Maybe try some natural sleeping remedies?? The Calm Fortes seem to do it for me but I know there are others out there.

Congrats on day 3!!! Day 4 coming up??

Bessie x