I thought I'd go it alone.......

[Lotus]

:upset: :upset: :upset:

Hi ya all

I've been abset from MWO for a while now (reading but not posting) because I felt that I would start to cut down rather than do the 30 days AF by myself. But I haven't been able to. I've been here on this forum for nearly a year now and feel like such a failure. I've been a whole round circle. Successfully managed 30 days AF then started to mod, but then the love of alcohol has brought me back to square one where I am drinking everynight. I know how it affects my health, work and my home life but there seems to be a fear of giving up alcohol, as if there will be a void in my life. How do I get it in my brain that it's not something I need to survive in life.

I start off each day telling myself I will not drink tonight, but find my resolve weakens by the evening. Or if I manage a day AF feel that I need to reward myself.....with a drink, or when I go to the shops and see others buying drink, convince myself I do not have a problem and am entitled to drink as well.

What am I doing!!!!! I've got my exams in less than 2 weeks and getting p***ed is not how I should be spending my evening.

[Guest]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Hi Lotus,
Glad to see you`ve decided not to go it alone after all........for one thing, it`s a heck of a lot harder. Don`t worry that you say you`ve gone full circle with your drinking.......you haven`t actually, as each period of abs or mods is simply taking you all the closer to where you want to be with your drinking.

O.K., I`ll be totally honest now.......I no longer climb the walls for a drink the way I used to when I first quit. BUT!!!!, there are still nights when I think it would be lovely to buy a btl/wine and sink it..........I do still lovingly think about it. I just no longer do it........each and every time that thought invades my head, I just call to mind the wreck I was when drinking every night.

You really just have to keep plodding along until the right time comes for YOU. It will happen, just as long as you keep on trying.

Love and strength to you,

Starlight Impress x

[FinallyRN]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

You know its funny. I have analyzed myself about why I drink for years. In the family setting I grew up there was no such thing as socializing without a drink in your hand. Mom thought it was down right rude, but then I think she wanted company. ( I grew up in Spain ) So when I decided to cut back one of the biggest obstacles I faced was how would I socialize without it. I couldn't get out of my head that I was never going to have fun again. I started mourning my social life. Seriously! It takes awhile and many social events to realize that thats not true. Although I will have to admit, I do miss it.
I asked one of my drinking buddies years ago why she drinks............she said it made people more interesting! I had to laugh she's right! Its only when you go home with the jerk you know you have a problem.

[satori]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Hi Lotus - I was wondering what was up - I noticed you online sometimes - so didn't send out the search party - but noticed you hadn't been posting!

Good to see you back.

If you have been reading - you might have seen some of my posts about being scared to give up, because it would feel like you were losing something.

I was the same - scared to imagine my life totally without alcohol - but now that I have managed to stay AF for a fair bit of time, I can honestly say it is the best decision I ever made.

It is NOT boring AF!
I Know - I live there now!

As I have posted many times -

I still go to the bar with my friends for a chat and a laugh after the gym - the company and the conversation is just as good without alcohol in my glass.

I still go out for meals with friends and family - and the food tastes just as good without alcohol in my glass.

I still go out to see a band, or go to the theatre to see plays - and the performances are just as good without alcohol in my system.

The point is - NOTHING you currently do for enjoyment need change!

In fact - If anything - I go out MORE now that I am AF - simply because I can drive any time - so it is more convenient.

And - if that were not enough - the bonus is - no more mental tussles over alcohol - no more stress over your drinking, no more hangovers, more money to spend on luxuries, better health........the list goes on and on.

I have even found my guitar playing (well - that's what I call it anyway ) has improved more in the last few months than it has in many years - I think my brain / nervous system / memory is all better without being assaulted by booze. (Would probably help your studying too!)

Honestly - I now REALLY enjoy my life and I do not think I am losing out or missing anything at all.

Give it another go - I promise - you CAN life a GREAT happy life without alcohol!

Love :l

C'mon - no more :upset:

satori
xxx

[FinallyRN]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Good entry Satori

I love what you wrote. Happy Thanksgiving!

[Miss October]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Hi Lotus,

Nice to meet you. I'm pretty new here, and I would just like to say you should be so proud of yourself for being AF for 30 days. I'd like to try it one day, but do not think I'm quite ready yet. You are not alone in your fear of giving up alcohol. It's like losing your best friend. Keep reading and posting......we are all here to help support each other.

Santori, you are an inspiration to all of us. Thank you so much !!

Miss October

[Chief]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Welcome back Lotus, Everything happens for a reason. I did the same thing. I was AF for 21 days and then thought, "hell, that wasn't THAT hard, I can control this and mod..."
Well, that turned into a 3 month binge. I came back here and decided to listen to those who were successful. And almost all will tell you...there is no mod. There are a few who can do it, but for most, moding is just too much work. It sounds like you are the same way.
If you were AF for 30 days then you know you can do it. You just have to accept the fact that you can't drink. Make a committment to yourself and get through the first few days, which are the hardest. But as you know, we are here to help you with that. Just pick a day, like today, and firmly and stubbornly refuse to drink. No matter what. Don't think about tomorrow. Just have tunnel vision for today. Stay here all day if you have to, but don't drink. We can help, but you have to want it. You have to do it. But, you know that.
So, let us know, my friend. Your life doesn't need to be like it is right now. And yes, you can do everything you enjoy in life sober. You will find you actually enjoy living much more without The Beast breathing down your throat everyday.

Don

[Lotus]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement.

In a way it's a relief for me to hear that initially everyone feels that giving up is like losing something close to us.

Unfortunately I did drink yesterday and am now thinking it's the weekend! Weekends are only different from weekdays as I can drink more!!!!!

For me it's a mind over matter. I've realised there's never going to be a "right" day to start being AF - there will always be excuses.

I wish I could say positively that I will not drink tonight. But it will be said half heartedly.

[slightlysuze]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Hi Lotus...nice to see you. Do you know why you use alcohol? Is it to relieve boredom? Or medicate bad feelings? Or overcome shyness? Or what? I think teasing out what you are actually doing is half way to dealing with it. And of course there is the buzz of that first glass....can't deny that....but if you can't stop at the one glass and go on to drink more than is good for you then you know you have a problem underlying the drinking that it would be helpful to deal with.

I think a shift in dealing with it comes when you can really accept that alcohol isn't a reward....it just lets you hide for a while. If you can get to the place where life without alcohol isn't a negative, not a 'without', but is actually a positive - a nicer, better kind of life then you'll be on the road to sorting it out. Getting there is the tricky bit! Keep trying, keep coming to MWO and keep on keeping on!

Suze x

[satori]

I thought I'd go it alone.......

Lotus - you keep coming back here - so you are obviously NOT happy with your life as it is WITH alcohol.
If you were - there would be no need to come here!

so

You say you WISH you could say you would not drink tonite - but, as I have said before to others - wishing is just a cop out!
Who or what has the power to grant your wish?

Only one person has that power - YOU!

why not decide tonight NOT to wish - but to DO!

Just decide - that is all you have to do.
You have already done 30 days - you CAN do it for as long as it takes!

I promise - there IS a normal happy, healthy life out there WITHOUT alcohol in it.

Go for it Lotus - we are all behind you!

Love

Satori
xxx