My dear MWO friends,
I am back from rehab and sober for 15 days (almost 16) and feeling pretty good.
As all of you know, sobriety for 15 days is a good start but just a baby step.
I read Xtexan's last post and pray that I make the strides he has made in the last couple of years.
My withdrawals were minimal, as I would have expected, since I was binge drinking more than every day drinking in the last few months. However, my last binge was a doozie!! Whew!!
However, rehab was very good for me. I learned a lot I didn't know and a lot I already knew but it was reinforced for me.
I also very much enjoyed being around so many people with the same problem as I have, addiction. Most of the residents were opiate addicts but addiction is addiction and the results are basically the same.
Yes, it is a 12 step facility that believes wholeheartedly in AA. Having read Lucky's thread on AA and so many negative posts, I hesitated to write about my experience but really feel I need to, anyway.
The good news about this facility (Bradford) is that even though it is definitely a 12 step program, they do not push religion, they push spirituality. Even though I am a Christian and believe very much in my religion, I just did not feel that pushing a religion on a group of people is a good idea, and had grave reservations about a program that does.
However, I did attend AA meetings in house, outside, and yesterday and today after discharge, on my own.
Whether it is a cult or not, I found a group I really like. The welcome was warm, the attendees are from many and varied backgrounds and the meeting was not like I had been reading about on this website, where everyone just kept rehashing old stories and past mistakes. It was more about what the steps mean, how to use them to help you with sobriety and how to learn to be happy while being abstinent. It was a very positive experience. (I found this to be true of the AA meetings outside in the area where I was located, too.)
So, I am going to start going to AA meetings, even while traveling, in order to help continue to heal. My feeling of relief at sitting down in a group of people who understand my addiction is incredible. I am married to an "earthling" as the counselors at Bradford call the normal drinkers, and they explained that no matter what, my husband cannot and will not ever be able to truly understand what I am going through. Only other addicts can.
Bradford also taught us about the dopamine and seratonin issues us addicts face and explained how many of us are deficient in those areas prior to drinking, it is what draws us to the drink or drugs. We feel much better at first when we start doing them. (Perhaps feel as good as normal people?) Unfortunately, few of us can maintain the levels that make us feel good without eventually falling into the abyss of drunkeness.
However, it all comes down to accountability and responsibility.
It is up to all of us to say, "Okay, I may have a reason for drinking/drugging but the consequences to ourselves and those around us are not acceptable." We must take the responsibility for getting sober and staying sober. In the end, AA or some other support group may help but the buck stops here.
Anyway, that is my rehab story. I am sober again today and extremely grateful for it and now I have some inner strengths and aids to help me get through the next time my brain tells me "Go ahead and have a drink, it'll make you feel better...."
I am also very grateful for my MWO friends. I thought about each of you every day. I told many people about this website. Perhaps some will join us here.
Love and strength to all and so glad to be back with all of you.
:h
Cindi
I am back from rehab and sober for 15 days (almost 16) and feeling pretty good.
As all of you know, sobriety for 15 days is a good start but just a baby step.
I read Xtexan's last post and pray that I make the strides he has made in the last couple of years.
My withdrawals were minimal, as I would have expected, since I was binge drinking more than every day drinking in the last few months. However, my last binge was a doozie!! Whew!!
However, rehab was very good for me. I learned a lot I didn't know and a lot I already knew but it was reinforced for me.
I also very much enjoyed being around so many people with the same problem as I have, addiction. Most of the residents were opiate addicts but addiction is addiction and the results are basically the same.
Yes, it is a 12 step facility that believes wholeheartedly in AA. Having read Lucky's thread on AA and so many negative posts, I hesitated to write about my experience but really feel I need to, anyway.
The good news about this facility (Bradford) is that even though it is definitely a 12 step program, they do not push religion, they push spirituality. Even though I am a Christian and believe very much in my religion, I just did not feel that pushing a religion on a group of people is a good idea, and had grave reservations about a program that does.
However, I did attend AA meetings in house, outside, and yesterday and today after discharge, on my own.
Whether it is a cult or not, I found a group I really like. The welcome was warm, the attendees are from many and varied backgrounds and the meeting was not like I had been reading about on this website, where everyone just kept rehashing old stories and past mistakes. It was more about what the steps mean, how to use them to help you with sobriety and how to learn to be happy while being abstinent. It was a very positive experience. (I found this to be true of the AA meetings outside in the area where I was located, too.)
So, I am going to start going to AA meetings, even while traveling, in order to help continue to heal. My feeling of relief at sitting down in a group of people who understand my addiction is incredible. I am married to an "earthling" as the counselors at Bradford call the normal drinkers, and they explained that no matter what, my husband cannot and will not ever be able to truly understand what I am going through. Only other addicts can.
Bradford also taught us about the dopamine and seratonin issues us addicts face and explained how many of us are deficient in those areas prior to drinking, it is what draws us to the drink or drugs. We feel much better at first when we start doing them. (Perhaps feel as good as normal people?) Unfortunately, few of us can maintain the levels that make us feel good without eventually falling into the abyss of drunkeness.
However, it all comes down to accountability and responsibility.
It is up to all of us to say, "Okay, I may have a reason for drinking/drugging but the consequences to ourselves and those around us are not acceptable." We must take the responsibility for getting sober and staying sober. In the end, AA or some other support group may help but the buck stops here.
Anyway, that is my rehab story. I am sober again today and extremely grateful for it and now I have some inner strengths and aids to help me get through the next time my brain tells me "Go ahead and have a drink, it'll make you feel better...."
I am also very grateful for my MWO friends. I thought about each of you every day. I told many people about this website. Perhaps some will join us here.
Love and strength to all and so glad to be back with all of you.
:h
Cindi
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