Help Please - I feel dead inside

[universal]

Hi guys - it's 5 am, I can't sleep and I have a glass of wine in front of me. My boyfirend of a year and I I think are breaking up and it's killing me inside. It actually has nothing to do with alcohol, there is another woman who I know he's not cheating on me with but she is creating issues. She has admitted that she likes him and he can't seem to stop the ocntinual flirting, calling, texting etc...........it's killing me. I'm not the kind of person to give my heart freely and when I do I give my all. And right now I just feel broken. I haven't eaten in 3 days, can't stop crying and am so upset - and this is sooooooooo not the kind of person I am. And of course that bottle of wine is just so easy to drown my sorrows in right now. This is only the 2nd man I've allowed myself to love because I'm so afraid of heartbreak - my first husband and I ended badly - he cheated with a friend of mine while I was pregnant with his child. Took me 6 years to love again and now it looks like again, I'm going to deal with this. I can't handle it, I feel so alone and so heartbroken. And I'm so sorry that I'm posting this but I just don't know where else to go right now. I have never woken up and had to have a drink, I'm usually a night drinker but last night drank till I passed out, and now here I am at 5am and I'm drinking wine - what the hell is wrong with me? I'm just so depressed..........

[Skid Row]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Hi universal. Please go and eat something, anything, just eat. I am worried about you. I am so sorry that you are hurt. I don't know what to say except for there are loads of people here who can help you. Please go and get some food in your tummy and I am sure it will make you feel a little better. Please try.

[Cinders]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Universal,

Wow. I am so sorry about the boyfriend situation. These things hurt so much and there is no getting around that.

Unfortunately, the drinking is only going to make things worse. It seems like it helps and quite honestly alcohol does numb pain pretty quickly but it will only end up giving you more reason to feel badly about yourself.

All this is easy to say sitting on this side of the computer.

Please try to set aside the wine for now and sober up. Then pamper yourself some to make yourself feel a little better.

One of the issues us alcoholics tend to have is that we want to control everything in our lives and since we can't, alcohol helps kill the fear and pain that occurs when we realize we can't.

Please take care and all of us here will be here as a sounding board while you are going through this.

Cindi

[Finding My Self]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Sorry - posted twice...it's the next one!

[Finding My Self]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Oh sweetheart..... that sucks doesn't it? You sound like you're hurting real bad...

Now, deep breath and put the glass down. In a minute, go get a coffee and a biscuit.

But first, who's doing the breaking up? Has your b/f said anything? Or is it the understandable 'memory man' in your head after your horrible experience in your marriage? "Presumption is the mother of all f*ck ups" is soooo true....so don't presume a thing.

You're so afraid of another heartbreak...of ocurse you are....but the wine'll break it for you good and proper. First step....water, water, water and some food. Little and often to sort out your blood sugars. I know it 'should' be healthy food but I don't think that matters for the first 6-8 hours; just something, anything in that tummy. And no more wine. You'll feel poo but it's worth it.

Then.....sit with the facts and not the chatterings of your mind....think about what you really want...the positive things....and thank the "What if's" and tell them to "Go Away" ! Your b/f is probably just a little (a) chuffed at the attention (she shouldn't be doing this of course) and (b) being a bit male in just not realising how inappropriate his response is....he probably just thinks the love between you is just fine and so you're understanding.....dear of the male sex....but, no!

No sensible thinking is going to happen with wine beginning to go in 24 hours a day - I've been there. IT DOESN'T WORK! Every single thing looks disastrous that way - even a ltto win!

So, Universal....it's going to be OK...you're among friends here and so keep reading and posting and telling us....

...and go and get that coffee and biscuit/toast....sip and nibble...

Hug
FMS xxx

[universal]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Hi guys - thanks - you're right, I know we like to try to control things.....it's so true. I just don't even know how to think or feel right now. And I have to go to work in 3 hours and I don't feel like I can even handle that. As a single mom, I guess I better quickly figure that out or else I'll really be in trouble. I think I need a holiday from my life - have you guys ever felt like that? Like you need a holiday from life? Not a vacation like we all get to go on but an actual holiday from life? Like hibernation for a while? Cause really, that's what I feel like I need right now.

[universal]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

To answer your question finding myself I think that he is doing the breaking up - we had it out pretty badly on Sunday and I have sent him a long message that pretty much explains my fears etc but yeah, you're right, he doesn't really get it. He doesn't see that the way he talks to her is innapropriate - not just to me but to her to. This poor girl is being led on in a huge way and I'm trying to explain to him that you can't joke like that with a woman who you know likes you because it won't be taken as a joke, it will be taken as an opening. Once she has admitted her feelings she is now in a different category that the other girlfriends that you can jokingly flirt with.

Anyway he doesn't seem to get that, is very unhappy with me that I brought up the situation at all. So now I'm like, why do I waste my time trying to keep this relationship together? And the worst part is he's really involved with my daughter so if we break up it breaks her heart as well as mine. And I truely do love him - why does this have to be so difficult? It's something so stupid and yet it's so difficult and it's killing me inside.

[Cinders]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Universal,

He gets it. His ego is being plumped up pretty mightily by the attention of this girl and he is not thinking about you, her or anyone else. He is male and they are hard wired that way. He is not necessarily meaning to hurt you or her.

Rather than letting him know you are really upset and hurt, just calmly tell him his actions are hurting you and your relationship with him. The ball is in his court.

Yes, I do know what you mean about a vacation from yourself. Been there many times.

Life throws us lots of curve balls, we are equal to the task.

Chin up. You can get through this either way things go.

Give your little girl a big hug, too.

Cindi

[Miss October]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Universal, Hope it's not to late to reply to you, but hopefully you will stay home from work today. You need to rest and have something to eat. I am so sorry to hear about you and your b/f. Breaking up is very hard to do. I've been there with my first husband when I was only 22 and he was cheating on me with a 16 year old. Not fun, but anyway, you and your b/f need to communicate with each other openly and honestly, especially with your daughter involved....and you must be sober. Alcohol as we know, just makes everything worse than it is. Please take care of yourself and your daughter and keep us posted.

Miss O.

[universal]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

the worst part is I think I talked to him last night but I don't remember cause I had so much wine - so i may have made things worse and I don't even know..........

I did come to work - have 2 appointments with potential clients that I cant' get out of.

[Miss October]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Oh Miss Universal, I know so well how it is to go to work not feeling well, and having to fake it. And yes when we drink, we say things we really would not say if we sober, and to top it off, we don't even remember what we said. I hate those freaking "blackouts" and I'm so sick of it. That's why I am here.

Well I hope every thing goes good with those clients of yours, and then go home and take care of YOU !

[bloggy]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Universal-

I so hope you made it through the day.

When I was once in the act of splitting with a BF, not identical reasons, but not too far off, I was given a piece of advice that I have never forgotten, and passed it on to others who have also found it to be rather useful.

It is: Act to him like to don't care. Get yourself together, arrange a baby sitter, put on your glad rags and make a few dates with your girlfriends (preferably non-drinking ones) he doesn't have to know who you are seeing or where you are going.

Make sure when he sees you you are smiling and laughing, and just basically act like you don't give a hoot. It kills them. The vast majority soon come running back with their tails between their legs. (Excuse the pun).

And if he is in the small majority that don't-
Well you will already have the beginnings of a social life to pick back up on, you will be sober and maybe you will decide he wasn't that great after all.

But believe me, it normally works.


(Oh and please get yourself some quinoa that we have been talking about on a 'Holistic Healing' thread it really does make you feel happier after eating a bowl)

You will get through this. Most of us have been there at some point or other, and I know how awful it feels- but you will survive, either with him or without.

[living proof]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Universal, The only way to sort things out in reasonable order is to start putting one sober foot in front of another. Truly. If there are feelings of jealousy brewing with another female, ban the brew girl! You are asking for drama and damage. Look at what is happening to your life. Up all night drinking? Drinking at 5:00 a.m.? Is this what you want? No, it can't be. You want peace, you want a gentle, serene and loving environment to bask in and raise your child in. You can have that. You can secure that. Today is the day you can start putting that in place. Just do it! You can. You're really, really smart.

[trixietrack]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

drinking quadruples the pain of a heartbreak. not only that but your heart doesn't heal and you might end up jumping into another relationship that is similar or harmful without knowing it because you haven't been healing properly.

I know this from experience.

wine is bad for broken hearts

[dreambeliever]

Help Please - I feel dead inside

Hi

Hello, so sorry to hear about your partner troubles, Ive been through something very similar recently, so no what that pain is like.

Ive drunk over him so many times, that ive now realised the drinking doesnt make the pain go away, it just depresses me more.

I hope you can put the drink down, and maybe eat a little and drink lots of juice or water. Diet coke always helps me if Im feeling sick, it doesnt re hydrate though, but it sure is better than wine.

I truly hope you feel better soon :l