Again............

[universal]

Well, it's 11:50pm and he still didn't call - let's call him Joe to make life easy.

Said he'd call last night, didn't. Said he'd call again today, didn't. I haven't called him even though it's killing me..............

So frustrated - went out tonight to meet another friend so I didn't sit at home waiting - ended up having 2 beers but I'm not going to beat myself up because at least I was moderate and beer doesn't hit me like wine does so at least I'm not sitting here all teary eyed wondering what the hell.........

So stupid - he is a very rational black and white type of guy and I'm emotional - we've had other minor issues in the past year but none have gone on like this. I'm at the pissed off stage now - which maybe isn't a bad thing.

Sorry to put this on you guys - I just am sitting here feeling so alone and don't know where else to go. At least I know here you guys will support me.

[Victory]

Again............

Men................?

Dear Universal, there was a book written by some American guy and its called, ?if he doesn?t call then he?s just not into you? or something like that. From my perspective in Aus land if he doesn?t call?. Then, he doesn?t deserve you. If you sit and wait then you become a passive victim. Without knowing you and aided by, my "Magic Telepathic Hat", can see that you deserve better than this. Really cannot understand men!!!! So maybe shouldn?t be responding to your post. Be strong girl
:applaud: :applaud: :applaud:

[universal]

Again............

Victory, trust me appreciate the response. Maybe he isn't the right one, I don't know. Was alone for 6 years, been with him for a year and a half and afraid to be lonely again and right now don't want the heartbreak when I really want to try to go AF - ya know?

I'm trying to be strong.

Thankful that I haven't caved and called him and thankful that I haven't opened a bottle of wine - you helped in that.

Thanks Victory.

[lilnev]

Again............

Yeah, I'm still up too (but not for long). I can't tell you what's going on w/ your BF, except to reflect back what you're saying to us. You don't feel secure. He's not communicating, and he's not reassuring you that he's committed to you. Perhaps he's distressed too, and withdrawing is his response. Perhaps he's "just not into you". Perhaps he's afraid of commitment? Perhaps he's a jerk who's just using you for his own ego. I don't know him, I can't say.

Don't jump to conclusions, but don't stake your happiness on things beyond your control, either. If you're depending on him for your happiness, that's not good for either of you. I was the dependent one in my first relationship, and the depended-on one in my second, and neither one was healthy. Take care of yourself first, and if you've found a companion on this journey through life, awesome.

OK, enough philosophizin'. I think my paper is as good as it's going to get tonight.... I'm going home.

peace,
lilnev

[universal]

Again............

I think you are right in the "I'm not secure, he's not communicating and not reassuring me" response - that pretty much covers it..........

[CaptJBean]

Again............

Co-Dependency.... ahhhh I am afraid I am an expert at this.
Get yourself out of this situation or you will forever be dictated to by it.
The Art of letting Go by Melanie Bettie [I think} She writes a series of books... but you should look into that.
Anything of being Co-Dependent... it's another addiction only to the feeling toward a person... it's a wild situation...
You have to do some visualizations... like put his head and face on a worm... and then think of him as a snake and stuff like that... and get yourself real creeped out by the guy to the point where you can live without the idea of him calling... or ever seeing him again.
I actually had to force myself to change my pager and phone number... well that's another story...

[Victory]

Again............

Sad Huh?????????????

Dear universal, how we let those men mess with us is so sad. There are some nice chappies around but must say haven?t found one in ages. We give and we give and we give.
In my experience if I say, ?Hey Mate, Stop right now and think?? then I am the Baddy!!!?? Harpy, Bad Women/Ballbreaker? etc???. But if I allow them to treat me like Sh*t then I am a Manpal/Greatgirl?etc??. I am no such thing. I am a real women.

Do believe in treating men with the respect that I would like to receive. Full stop. Universal, men are not like us and cannot understand love and kindness. Some men think paid sex is love. In Aus personal adds are full of married men seeking,
"No Strings attached casual sex?.
Week after week the ads are unanswered as women seek emotional contact.
Sad for Aussie males huh?
:H :H :H

[universal]

Again............

You guys are really great - thank you so much. I feel like I have only been here for 2 weeks and that all I'm doing is posting - am I posting too much? I feel kind of like I might end up annoying some people.

Victory and Capt thanks for your insight. Ah...............I know what I have to do I just don't want to do it..........is that bad? Affects my daughter too........what a lovely little mess I've gotten my emotions into...........

[maxman]

Again............

there is always someone here

[Suki411]

Again............

Hey Universal, please know that you are not alone. I've been here for two weeks, too. You are posting what's on your mind, what bothers you, probably what triggers you. that's ok. Doesn't bother me that you post about him and your feelings. That's what is on your mind right now.

With me it's been other things. But in the past it could have been about men. I used to say that men with problems are like heat-seeking missles (how the hell do you spell that word), they will find me no matter where I am hiding.

Drank lots last night and a little tonight after being 7 days AF, but feel that I am getting to really know myself for the first time in years. Feel stronger and more confident in who I am. I used to use this line written by a friend of mine, "no you can not come in today, the gate is closed, the house is not in order."

I also used to say that my dogs/cats were better than any of the men I used to date (that one is pretty pathetic, huh?)

But, I am getting my house in order. I hate being alone, but I also hate being with someone who doesn't treat me with respect.

We are all here for you, you know that.:h :h :h