I'm back and need buddies!!

[notevergivingup]

Well, it's been since september that I started drinking again. Thought maybe I could drink in moderation - NOT!:upset: Wish I could, but like I said before I know I can't, so why I try, I have no idea. I had to much last night and now I am exhausted, I hate that feeling.
I pray everynight that God take this desire from me and everyday I say this is it, I am going to do it, finally live without the drink, but then 2:00 rolls around and I get that horrible anxiety and the only way I get rid of it, is cracking a beer open. Now that takes care of the anxiety, but then I get the guilt of drinking that beer, so I say, well I already ruined this day, so I just drink more. I don't always get drunk, but I know I drink way more than I ought to (averaging around 6 drinks a day). I want more than anything to FINALLY be alcohol free. I sometimes go a few days without and feel great . But then again I think oh I will just have one or two, well that almost always turns into 6. WHY can't I stop, this is ridiculous. I hope I havn't babbled on for to long, just have to get it out. Last time I was here you all helped sooooo much. :thanks: I hope I find a few buddies to keep each other in check. I know I am going to need it!!

Twosox

[wonderworld]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Hi twosox-

You're singing my tune! I was just writing in a PM how the drinking always leads the next day to more anxiety and the feeling that I HAVE TO have a drink just to calm down and feel normal. And so the cycle starts all over. And like you, I don't really even drink to excess, per se, (and my system can't handle hard liquor anymore so it's beer and wine) but once I've had a drink I'm right back in the vicious cycle - the constant craving. And the need for that "next one" to keep the anxiety at bay. And as the tolerance (and anxiety) go up - the craving gets worse. How can I live this way? I can't. I won't.

So, I'm glad you're back! We know there is a better way. And if others have done it, so can we!

wonder xx

[sweetpea]

I'm back and need buddies!!

:welcome: back twosox

You know you are in the right place for support. I know I can only do this with the support I get from so many wonderful people

Hang on in there, get focused and start the ball rolling again

Get yourself a plan and go for it. We are all behind you


:l Sweetpea xx

[Lotus]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Hi Twosox

I've been like that for the last few months. After achieving AF I thought I was fine, but then went round a whole cirlce - Drinking everyday to excess - AF - mods to drinking everyday to excess.

I've said on a different post today that sometimes I feel like by 5pm I suffer from amnesia and all the promises I have made are forgotten. I've took on advice given to me here to sit down and think why I drink. I've done that now & I'm no longer trying not to drink but I am NOT drinking. Today WILL be my first day AF in ages (sorry I'm just feeling really positive). I've already gone through it in my head what I'm going to do tonight without alcohol, but then I thought to myself what do I do when I'm drinking.....nothing!. So I have planned my evening with things to do. Some people may prefer to change the routine completley, but for me I will find it too wierd not to have a "drink" in my hand, so will get something non-alcoholic.

Good luck. Wish you all the best.

Mandy x

[skydancer804]

I'm back and need buddies!!

To everybody!

Two Socks and everybody else here: I'm your buddy, and I know all of you are mine. I've been AF almost a week now. It's not easy, but I'm hanging in there.

God bless and heal us all!

[notevergivingup]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Thanks - needed that support. I don't get it from the hubby, because he drinks too. It's an awful feeling when you can't control the alcohol. I don't want to live this way anymore either, I need to change to really find myself without the booze. I know I can, I have to.

Twosox

[laura anne]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Welcome back twosox. It is funny how we get amnesia around drinking time. Like you I'll swear I'm not going to drink and then 5:00 rolls around and I've lost all my resolve. I'm glad you're back. Never stop trying! You'll find lots of buddies here. It helps me to check in around drinking time -- I can read the posts and it gives me the support I need not to drink.
Sometimes its just a minute at a time. Hang in there!

[Lotus]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Twosox

I don't get support from my hubby either. Last time I tried AF he continued to drink, yet he would be the first to use the fact that I drink against me. Tell yourself you are not doing it for him, you are doing it for yourself. So the times when you might envy him when he is drinking and you are not, remember the morning after you will be the one that wakes up with a smile on your face.

Mandy x

[Wasboss]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Twosox what a fantastic name, my wife drinks but nothing like as much as me so I know how difficult it is to watch someone else drink when you cant. Trouble is willpower just runs away like the dishwater, you pull the plug and its gone. I do not know how to keep the plug in but I bet someone around here does? Keep trying we are all right behind you, and want you to succeed for us.

[notevergivingup]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Thank you everybody. I don't know why, but I feel like crying. I wish I could have just kept going the last time I went AF. The thought that I am starting again at day one is depressing. I pray I will never have to waste one more day of my life feeling guilty. I have three wonderful kids, that I love sooo much. I need to do it for them to. I know as long as I keep coming here I can do it - we all can! Again thank you for all the responses, I really needed them.

Twosox

[wonderworld]

I'm back and need buddies!!

twosox-
I know that feeling of regret over lost AF time. But it's past and done. Guilt, remorse, are useless - and unecessary! You've had a really valuable learning experience/reminder. Take it at that and don't worry. You don't ever have to feel this way again. I know, easier said than done. But those good AF feelings will come back really soon! This time next week, the situation will look and feel entriely different! I recently fell off the wagon after a very long time AF and I felt so crummy about it. And scared. But the mind, body and spirit heal naturally and really quickly as the AF days go by! It's amazing.....

You're right on track!

wonder xx

[retteacher]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Two: Try the Newbies in Need ODAT thread. It was instrumental in getting me on track. The philosophy is that we take our AF life one day at a time. We don't think about tomorrow at all. We just resolve to not drink today. It makes it much more manageable. I've accumulated almost 56 days one day at a time. My life has completely changed. Good luck, Mary

[notevergivingup]

I'm back and need buddies!!

I hope to catch you all in chat, I just left there and it helped a lot. Thanks for the encouragment. That's great retteacher that you have gone 56 days. That's what I need to do focus on one day at a time.

[Suki411]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Hey twosox, I am starting my 3rd day 1 today. You are blessed to have 3 children. Focus on them and how excited they must be about the holidays.

We will get there, with all of the wonderful friends here, their advice, support. As I posted on another thread, my grandmother used to say, never regret what you have done, only what you have never done. Don't beat yourself up, just use it as a lesson to allow yourself to realize what triggers you. I went 7 days AF, have never been happier, felt better physically and better about my self. I'm starting day 1 for the third time, but I now feel hopeful instead of a loser.

Everything is a learning experience, it does become easier, after every slip, blip, whatever.
The holidays are the worst for me, I know that. Somehow I can't get my cats excited about putting up a xmas tree. (Which would probably help me) The last time I tried it, got home from work, couldn't find any of them. They were all in the tree. When I discovered it, I yelled at them, big mistake, they all jumped out at once. 5 seconds later, the tree, the lights, the ornaments were on my living room floor! Last time I put up a tree.

By the way, are your sox red, by any chance?

[notevergivingup]

I'm back and need buddies!!

Suki411,

Love my Red Sox, how about you? Hope all is well with everyone, going on day 7 today, taking it one day at a time. Woke up with a headache this morning though, have a head cold, but atleast it wasn't do to booze!

Twosox