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    #1

    can of worms

    Right, I am new here, well couple of weeks and have started threads and replied.

    Right now I have just drank a bottle of wine!!

    With the vitamins and suppliments I can honestly say tonight I didn't even want a drink infact at first it made me feel sick!!

    BUT I have relationship proplems and i am sure most of us have too or at least some sort of background issues be it parents or partners just lke Joberta.

    in my case I knew it would piss him off if I drank so i did!! Even though It messed up my program!!!

    At the same time I no I need to help myself so I can be strong enough to leave or make it work.

    Before I started drinking tonight(I lay in bed)reading a story with my 3 year old thinking yes I could do this I can live my life for them not just getting pissed. But still went down stairs and started drinking

    just spilling my heart out here done expect any repliese just gets it off my chest
    Sandie
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    #2
    can of worms

    Sandie,

    Dust yourself off, tomorrow is a brand new day, start all over again.

    We've ALL had days like you've had today. If we threw in the towel, well, none of us would be here, trying again.

    Think new day, new beginnings. You can beat this, you have hope, otherwise you wouldn't be here at MWO, getting all the support that's to be had here!

    -HopefulNow
    Taking it all in

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      #3
      can of worms

      Thank you needed that will go to bed now 12.15am uk and hope I can start a fresh tomorrow this is a great site seems to be always some one there for you. I hope one day I can return the favour X
      Sandie
      X

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        #4
        can of worms

        Hi sandie, I did this exact thing 5 days ago, had 21(ish) days under my belt and bammo, I even saw it coming, felt it coming if you like and the truth is I didn't even put up much of a fight, I rationalised by saying, oh I've done so well, I've been so good, etc. etc. etc. That night, hubby went to bed, and there I sat, on my own, pissed and wondering why on earth I had done it to myself. It made me feel low, and in need of a rant, which I did, on here, not at anyone else, didn't even empty the dish washer loudly (in that mummy does everything marta kind of way). Just brooded. The folks on here were kind and supportive, and the next day I felt rubbish, and I guess you will feel rubbish today as well, but don't make yourself feel worse, but beating yourself up, just have a long hot soak, wash the stinky stuff away and start again, walking forward. I know this sounds wierd, but it actually did me good to stumble, I now appreciate fully (I hope and think) that the feelings of angst and utter depression and worry are not worth it. Just isn't good enough for all the shit that goes with it. Hope you feel ok, drink plenty of water and look after yourself especially nicely today, oh and make massive mental notes on how crappy it is. Little steps forward, that's all we need.
        :lI'd really rather be skiing:H

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          #5
          can of worms

          Hi Sandie, I agree with both Skid Row and Hopefulnow.
          What I would like to add is that after a slip (because at the moment that is all it is) the sooner you get back on track the easier it is for your body and your mind.
          If you go on a bender for another month (or even a couple of days) it will get harder and harder to have that first day again.
          Do it today for yourself and your 3 year old.
          xx
          Amelia

          Sober since 30/06/10

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            #6
            can of worms

            Cant add better advice than all the others. Just wanted to say, keep trying.

            To Skidrow: loved the mummy martyr comment !
            Live Well, Laugh Often, Enjoy the Journey

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              #7
              can of worms

              I am struggling to get more than 40 hours at the moment. I was going for 2 days when a 'friend' was quite abusive and hurtful to me - so I drank - I have just moved house which was really stressful because the property sales went pear shaped and I had to spend 2 weeks in a hotel whilst I found rented accomodation. All of this has contributed to me drinking more to numb the stress but it is frighteningly out of control in terms of amount and effects on other areas of my life.

              So I am back with 12 hours and feel wobbly, tense, angry and self disgusted.

              I have a party tonight which I am cancelling and will just have to go through the withdrawal yet one more time.

              Hang on in there all.

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                #8
                can of worms

                Hi Sandie,(and everyone else above)
                Same thing happened to me last week after 33 Days Af but with support from these lovely people here I got back on the wagon, It is worth it to keep trying for YOU, because like you I drank alone (when emotional) and all we do then is punish ourselves more and for what? I don't know the answer to that one yet!
                You have shown you can do this, look how well you did!
                Hang in there today is a new day.
                In life we can live out our dreams its true
                the one who decides,takes chances,makes choices is YOU.

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                  #9
                  can of worms

                  Hi dreambeliever, liked even better that you know how to spell martyr, I thought it looked wrong. Ooops. Think I will change my name to Tim nice but dim.
                  :lI'd really rather be skiing:H

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                    #10
                    can of worms

                    I am going out on a limb here. I am a Leo so I do seem to be overwhelming. Realy, I just speak from my feelings, and I don't often edit them; I do not want to offend anyone, I am stream of conciousness writer (which means I don't censor).

                    Decide what your intent is once and for all.
                    Do you have to be right all of the time? Do you want to be healed?
                    The most important responsibility is that you have is the responsibility of nurturing 2 children, your little one and the little one in you. Think nourishment.

                    Make peace where you can, and pick your battles - this life is short and we have wasted too much of it destroying ourselves.

                    I don't know you but what ever energies you are using that hurt you, turn them around. Make them your force of nature, say to yourself: I am moving on and everything that I do from now on, will be for the best interst of me and my baby, and I WON'T LET YOU OR ANYONE STOP ME OR SABATOGE MY PROGRESS!

                    Once you decide to take your power back, you and your kid not only get nourishment times 1000, but you get the chance to feel the best that you ever have felt. I name you the Best Parent Of the Century! How cool is that, raising 2 kids at the same time and one of them is U!

                    I don't know, just think outside the box.......
                    I am scared to submit this because I don't want to sound like I am a snob, it seems that I have the knowledge, but have never applied it to myself. Never thought I was deserving. That is why I am here now. I am humble and gratefull to be here.

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