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[tired of guilt]

I am here because I feel guilty about black outs. I have had a few over the past few years and come to find out some involve sexual experineces. When I think about this, I feel the sinking feeling of guilt rise in my stomach. I don't want to stop drinking all together but feel like it is time to learn how to enjoy drinking in moderation. I don't drink all the time and more cases than not I do not drink until I 'black out'. I just feel a whole lot of guilt for the things I can't quite remember. my mind tries to imagine what terrible things happened. The last black out I had, I woke up on a friend's couch wearing only a towel. I found out a few days later that I slept with his female room mate but couldn't remember a thing. The feeling of guilt over this comes now and again and when it does I don't know what to do. I am reminded of another episode where I woke up naked in between my friend and his girlfreind. They did not seem to mind but I don't remember if anything happened or not. It was almost two years ago but I thought about it this morning and I can't shake the feeling. I really do think I can leave the college binge drinking behind me but am not sure what to do with all the guilt. I appreciate all the insight from you guys/ girls/ people and am glad to have a place to share my feelings. Thank you.

[AMELIA]

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Well, you have definately come to the right place!! I must admit, I have woken up beside my boyfriend a few times and wondered did we or didn't we? Not quite the same I know, but a blackout is a blackout, and comes from partaking in too much of the booze.....
Good on you for not laughing it off and putting it down to bravado (as some people would)
I am not sure how old you are, but the sooner you begin to address this issue the better. This place is a great support with some wise and wonderful people here.
Welcome again.
x

[trixietrack]

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tired of guilt I understand what you are writing about, I don't blackout, but still I remember things that I normally would not have done if I was sober.
That lingering awful guilty feeling can be so overwhelming, even if to some it doesn't seem like a problem

When I first started here I was a complete mess physically and psychologically.
start reading the book it will help you decide what steps to take.
and do come back and post and read and let us know how you are doing

Welcome

Trix

[PJ]

new here

Hey Tired,

OMG!!! Been there! (Well, sorta)

I've been so snocker'd (on more occasions than I care to remember) that I did stuff fit for risque movies! - or worse (I'm told).

Thing is; I remember "everything" differently than my cohorts. I guess that's in the "brown-out" category, since I do remember???? What has always confused me is how seemingly fun-loving folks can have an absolute blast getting crazy one night, then get so righteous the next day (as if!!!!).

I'm just soooooooo DONE with superficial people (some of which I've known for years)!!!! This is about ME now, damn it! And anyone who's supporting a responsible, moderation life-style!

Oops; I rambled :geez:

Welcome aboard!

[Reenie]

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Welcome Tired Of Guilt!

[Flip]

new here

Sheech... if I had sex I'd definitely remember it, it would be a miracle! lol

Seriously though, you can stop if you work at it. It's all up to you. Try reading some of the posts in the Long Term Abstainers forum, there's a lot of good stuff in there.

F.

[dexterhead]

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Hi Tired:
I hear you, friend. This hasn't happened to me in a while, since I have become a bit of a hermit. But wow, there were some pretty scary blackout episodes in my past. For a female, it's awful to make yourself that vulnerable .. I am probably lucky I am not dead. Blackout drinking and sex is a godawful messy combination .. but I think horribly common. OK, on my 19th birthday (rather a few years ago!!) I became disgustingly drunk, ended up with some guy in my dorm room at college and had no f--ing idea what might have happened. Unfortunately, similar things happened several other times over the years. I got married, recently divorced, and that is one reason I know I have to get this thing under control .. cannot start dating all over again and doing that sort of shit at my age!

[tired of guilt]

new here

thank you

Thank you everybody for being so understanding. I am sure you all can understand the comfort i knowing that I am not alone. Trying to stay positive and not compeletly ridcule myself has been very hard. I am 26 but started drinking before I could drive. I was 15. I use to think it was funny but haven't been able to laugh it off in a long time. Thanks, again, everybody. I am glad to be here.

[dexterhead]

new here

Tired: welcome to this site. I'm still a bit of a mess myself but it is amazing to talk to other people, nonjudgmental people, who share the same issues! You are lucky and smart to try dealing with this when you're young, that is, younger than most of us here. I also started drinking young and yes, it all used to be hilarious, but no longer. Please stick around ...

[Cinders]

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OMG. I am sorry but Flip's response was funny. No, Flip would not always remember her "connections" the next day if she was still drinking.

Patty(i), sigh. Do not be put off by those who are "holier than thou" and remember that God - okay Dog because so many are athiests here - loves us no matter what.

What is important is to know that self-respect is a big piece of this puzzle. Do not let yourself be side tracked by what is not important. How we feel about ourselves is important as long as our boundaries are realistic.

i.e. No, we do not want to wake up the next morning next to somebody we have no idea who they are or ....

but, if we care and love someone, that does make a difference.

Geez, I am a mom and am saying this. Delete, okay?? LOL

Most importantly, know that getting drunk to the point of "blacking out" or "greying out" is a really bad sign. It means the alcohol has got you and you do not have control anymore.

All the other stuff, at this point, is meaningless. Get control of your mind, your soul and your body. It is not easy but well worth the effort.

Love,
Cindi (a mama who loves both her alcoholic children and who both love her. wow)

Flip;236170 wrote: Sheech... if I had sex I'd definitely remember it, it would be a miracle! lol

Seriously though, you can stop if you work at it. It's all up to you. Try reading some of the posts in the Long Term Abstainers forum, there's a lot of good stuff in there.

F.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

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Wow TOG,

Be careful or you'll catch someting! There have been lots of mornings that I've asked my husband if we had sex the night before, he just smiles and says yes. I guess it's a good thing I'm married. Good luck to you my dear, you can do it!


Myheart

[FinallyRN]

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I'm glad you are seeking help now. I wish I had recognized where I was headed at 26. At that point I thought it was all a big party and there was nothing wrong in it since everyone I was associated with was like me. Blacking out is scary. Not only that, as people get to know your habits there are some who will hang around waiting for the moment to take advantage.
Been there.
You've come to the right place. I have comfort here. I hope you will too.

[changemylife]

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Blackouts suck

I have have a few blackout drinking binges in my life and it is not fun. I have had many greyouts. I am still tormented by the things I may have done sexually. Not to mention making a fool of myself.

When I do remember some bits and pieces, I get this hot tingling feeling all over my body. Its terrible because the thought is not good.

My biggest problem now is that I do not know when to stop. I have no way of figuring out how much is enough. I get drunk really fast now and just keep going. I guess my body and liver can not process the alcohol fast enough.

[suzanne]

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Where do I begin...I am so tired too of the black outs and the promises I put on myself and everyone involved. I have gone through 2 detox programs, and 2 rehab programs. All to which I have failed. I have the tools and my low self-esteem gets the best of me every single time. Currently I am sober. For how long, don't know. I start an O/P program soon and attend meetings most every day. Trust is something I have to regain from everyone in my life even myself. If anyone cares to give me their opinion on how to handle trust with others since they know I slip now and then, please, give it to me straight. Today I'm sober.

[rustop61]

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Hi and welcome

You have come to a great place. Read and join in, there is lots of support.

Rustop