Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

[Shikakai]

FELL!

It's almost 5:00 a.m. here in California, and I've been up for at least three hours, unable to sleep.

Got drunk as hell last night; passed out at my mom's; drove home STILL drunk, and I have to go to work today.

I don't know what happened. I was doing so well (3 days).

Still very suicidal and am convinced this weekend I'm buying a gun because the next time I "fall", I'm done.

I am not going to beat this because I love the liquor too much. Without it, life isn't worth living and I'm tired of trying to pretend it is. My mother is going to be so upset, but I can't live for her either.

Peace to you all.

[satori]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

Shikakai,

Don't be bloody stupid mate.

What good would killing yourself do?

By being here, I have just gone 5 months Alcohol free (AF) - after twenty five years of uncontrolled alcohol abuse! These have been the BEST 5 months I have had - just about for ever!

I can't speak for anyone else - but after only a few weeks AF - I realised that life without alcohol is A- Freaking- MAZINGLY GOOD compared to when I was drinking.

While I was drinking - I was in a numbed out haze all the time, - feeling crap, tired, hungover, underperforming at work, lying to family and friends, I couldn't socialise because I had to be at home to drink. Couldn't drive anywhere after about 6pm.
I was smuggling booze into the house and drinking late into the night after everyone was asleep - and hiding the evidence in ever more ingenious ways. All the while - I had the guilt and stress that goes with all this deceit!
Can you really tell me I was having FUN

While you are drinking - alcohol suckers you into believing you can't have fun without it - CRAP - that is the Addiction talking!

I have had the BEST time of the last 25 years since I stopped drinking.
I got a whole new life going on here! and it ROCKS!
I am actually LIVING life again - instead of being vaguely there while life passed me by!

You CAN do this - if I can - ANYONE can!

It only takes about 5 days of feeling crap while you get the booze out of your system - and then it just gets easier and easier and better and better.

So how's about forgetting about dying - and let's start thinking about REALLY living instead!




Satori

[Shikakai]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

I just don't think I have the STRENGTH!

Day Two, when I realized I was actually heading towards day three, I was feeling pretty optimistic.

I even thought about going to the mall to do some shopping, but I got the "shakes" and couldn't go. I almost "fell" then.

Then yesterday, I felt REALLY GOOD and thought "I'll have just ONE glass of wine" and I'll be okay..." well, that one glass turned into four, followed by four vodka martinis and I was down for the count.

Sh**!

My book hasn't arrived yet, but I don't see myself as a "moderation" drinker. I have to go to work today; have been up for HOURS and I'm already planning how many drinks to consume before I get to the office.

I'm feeling sickly and the only thing that will "cure" me is the stuff that made me feel this way. After Friday, I will try again (over the weekend) to get back on top of things.

The last three days did feel good, though. I want to feel like that ALL THE TIME, but I can't if I don't stop DRINKING!

I'm so sad... I'm gonna die... I just know it! *cry*

[satori]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

If you think you felt good during the first 3 days AF - you wont believe how much BETTER you will feel after a week or more.

Days 3 / 4 are generally agreed to be the WORST days for withdrawals.

All you need to do is get past about day 5 - trust me - I am DOING it.

It really is fantastic!
A great weight has been lifted from my shoulders - living AF is just pure freedom!

Sounds like you are just like me - I can't just have one or two!

I found AF was the ONLY way for me


Good luck

Satori

[Lowercas]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

dont!!!

suffer, celebrate with us. Its one chance we have here. I want to come and slap you on the forehead... too far, Im in Africa. look around, look at the world, Dont be rash. there is so much to live for. call me if you need help (so do I) +27824573878. hang in there

[Miss October]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

Don't Do It !

Shikakai,

Life is still worth living even though we have no control over our drinking. I too have been drinking wine over 20 years. I keep trying to moderate myself, but that is not working out. Last week I went 4 AFs and felt so great ! Then the weekend came, had wine every night....day off on Monday to Christmas shop.....had wine again Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so I'm back to my old ways already. Tonight I'm putting up a fight because I'm tired of feeling like crap.

We all feel like life is not worth living without the wine, but that's the alcohol talking to us. It has such control over our brain, it's unbelievable.

Satori is such a great example of how WE COULD BE, if we try hard.

Let's give each other the strength and the courage to fight this One Day At A Time !

You are such a beautiful person, God, your mother, and we all LOVE YOU :huggy

[Guest]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

Hi Shikakai and welcome.
Am not preaching, but you need to get a grip on yourself like RIGHT NOW, do you understand??

What good can come of killing yourself???........you`ll only have wasted your life and broken the hearts of your loved ones. Oh, and we count too..........you see, we already care about you..........you became one of us the minute you became a member. We all know your pain, have been where you are all too often.

So, let`s get one thing straight.........we battle the booze and we never give up until our battle is won........and that includes you now. I`m almost 5 mths sober now, and yes, it was damn hard to get to this point, but if I could get myself off the drink, so too can you, `cos I didn`t think I could and now I have.

It`s too easy to be defeatist and wallow in self-pity.........that`s exactly how I felt when I first tried to quit. But you know what?..........we`re all tougher than we think, and that includes you, so let`s see you stand up and fight the booze alongside the rest of us.

Glad you`re here. :l

Much love,

Starlight Impress xxx

[Lowercas]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

just to let you know.

I have been in that boat... You know what i did? got in my car and went to the sea and fished (caught zip) but thats not the point. I watched that monster (the sea) for hours, and got to realize the world a bit (Im not doing the spiritual thing on you) get out the house.There is a lot out there

[satori]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

Oh - and another thing - don't look at the big picture - trying to imagine life AF is just too overwhelming where you are now, just try to do it day by day - or hour by hour - hell minute by minute if you need to.

You DO have the strength.

Take the next minute for example - you KNOW you can stay AF that long. So - do it, indulge me, - stay AF for that minute.

Right - just keep making the same choices you made during that single minute - cos it wasn't hard - was it - it didn't hurt - your brain didn't explode?

That is all you have to do!

It is only when you start imagining into the future that the mental anguish starts "OH - I REALL NEED a drink" etc etc etc.- and THAT is what leads you back to drinking.

Keep making the right choice in each present moment - and the AF future will look after itself.

BTW - I now can easily look at an AF future for myself without any problems - I sure as hell couldn't have done that when I was just starting down this AF road - it just keeps on getting easier!

Good luck

Satori

[Mags]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

I felt exactly the same way for years. I would rather die than live without alcohol. Suicide - yes, I spent every day thinking about it. Life without alcohol was something I didn't want and was scared to death of. I lived like that for years. I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. Many of us on this site have felt that way or some people still do feel that way. As for me, that was a few years ago, and I am sober and happy now. It can happen. It is hard and it takes some guts, but is more than worth it. But you can't do it alone. That's why we are here.

Like Starlight said. You are one of us now. A member of our family. And you are not going through this alone now. We are all there with you sharing your pain, picking you up when you fall and helping you along every step of the way. You're going to do this now because you want to and you have to and we're all going to help you.

Now you tell yourself you're going to do this and you're going to let us help and let's get started. Deal?

[Shikakai]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

Thank you all for your support... for a couple of days, I actually thought I had "kicked" the habit. Stupid me...

I am going to pull myself together, but today I will have to drink just to get through it.

It's weird because any LITTLE stress will drive me back to the bottle.

What's even more frightening, though, is even when I don't drink, I still contemplate suicide... dead sober... and that scares me because I think about ending it all and just being done with it.

I know if I do attempt suicide again and succeed that it will destroy lives. My mother; my sister; her kids; my aunt, etc... omigod... they say suicide is 100% selfish and I used to agree... that was before I fell into my own hell and now I can commiserate with those poor souls who saw no other way out.

I will be strong today and will check in again once I'm at the office. I just have to get through TODAY, though... tomorrow, things will be different and then Saturday, I will have more time to think things through and start again... five days, huh?

I hope my book arrives soon.

Thanks again for all your support. I won't do anything rash as long as I have you all here to talk to, and I'm glad you listen to me. I hope I can one day support others.

[Lowercas]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

the Monster

We are getting more and more sucked in to its hole..... stuff him/her. we must realize its a disease not a crime. Believe me I know. spent 3 weeks in a rehab with all sorts. (you thing we have probs?). I was bunking with 3 coke addicts. Scary... all night screaming etc not good. They get very punchy after awhile. all in all us pisscats can "collectively" come out of this. We have the most triggers. You cant watch tv without a jemmison add. (Satori). But I did watch SA win the RWC in a lunatic asylum. Best time I ever had witout a beer.

[Guest]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

THIS is your other way out Shikakai...........make good use of it.........we`re all here for you, night and day. Let us help you help yourself.

Have you seen a doc?........if you have the shakes, you can get prescribed meds to make your withdrawal safe and a whole lot more comfortable. Don`t just keep drinking to stave off the shakes........get yourself along to the doc and get the meds you need to withdraw without untold suffering.

Starlight Impress x

[Shikakai]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

Starlight Impress;243144 wrote: THIS is your other way out Shikakai...........make good use of it.........we`re all here for you, night and day. Let us help you help yourself.

Have you seen a doc?........if you have the shakes, you can get prescribed meds to make your withdrawal safe and a whole lot more comfortable. Don`t just keep drinking to stave off the shakes........get yourself along to the doc and get the meds you need to withdraw without untold suffering.

Starlight Impress x

I'm afraid of the drugs, though... I have thought about confiding in my doctor about my problem, but I'm afraid it will hurt me professionally down the line because they DOCUMENT everything. I told him about my depression at my last exam, and regretted it as soon as I opened my mouth. I work for an attorney's office. I know these things.

I only get the shakes when I think about doing things or going places SOBER.

Day two I wanted a drink so bad that I could actually SMELL the alcohol... day three was so much better and I thought maybe I wasn't an alcoholic after all and decided to test it... one fat "F".

I don't know... I wish I could call in sick today and stay home.

"Back in the day", having a drink to "cure" my hangover worked like magic... I still have to do it now, but it's not "magic" anymore... it's almost like survival.

I just have to get through today with minimal stress and a little vodka... that's all. Tomorrow is a new day and I can start again. Saturday will be even better because I can sleep it off, a two day drunk, and truly start again.

Even if that means staying indoors... whatever it takes. I stayed indoors all day Sunday and snuck out that night for dinner without any alcohol.

It's just time to accept the truth: IT'S OVER!

[dexterhead]

Well... I was doing okay for three days and then last night...

Shikakai: I hear you ... have been there. Please stick around with us. Have you ever been on antidepressants? I suffered from depression for years ... finally got meds and it really saved me. Please see a doctor to help you thru this.
thinking of you ....